Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have never posted anything about my marriage but I need to get this out. I have dealt with verbal, mental and emotional abuse for close to 5 years. He was great until he moved us 4 hours away from everything I knew and we ended up moving to where he grew up.
Shortly after he ended up picking fights with me when I actually didn't do anything wrong at all, he would avoid me and ignore me, things like that. It wasn't too severe at the time but over past few years he slowly got worse. He would also be sweet for about a week or so then suddenly turn into a controlling, abusive man. He has also cheated on me.
I have tried leaving him but he would threaten me. We have a 7 year old daughter together and today he took off with her. Nothing I can do about it. He has also turned my oldest daughters (not his biological daughters) against me. He is also showing signs that he is messing around with my 22 year old daughter. She is also showing signs. Flirtation, spending time together, purposely she would ignore me her own mother.
Very controlling
Never listens to me when I talk, he zones out at the tv
He forgets everything I tell him
He is highly critical towards me to the point it has dropped my confidence and self esteem
He tells me I am a faker (that I really am not experiencing chronic pain even though I have been dianosed)
He calls me all sorts of names which I cannot repeat here, he also calls me psychotic and mentally unstable
He rarely gave me money and I would have to beg and ask him for everything, even needed things.
He keeps the money secret, doesn't tell me anything. If I ask he yells at me.
He has several signs of cheating and I also have proof.
He uses our 7 year old to manipulate me. for example: if I were to tell him I want to divorce he would tell me he will take her and he will win custody because I can't work and I'm in process of getting ssi.
Like I said I have tried leaving and even kicking him out, his threats would scare me to the point I'd always allow him back into my life. He is also a master manipulator and charmer. He is so good at manipulation he is now able to turn my own kids and friends against me even though they see how bad he really is towards me. He has even been horrible towards my oldest daughters yet they are taking his side.
I'm in a nightmare. I can't sleep, can't eat, chain smoking like crazy (I was going to try to quit today) due to how much stress I'm under.
I have my parents, my best friend and my brother who are trying to help me. They all live over 4 hours away. I am alone and its the worst feeling in the world. I feel abandoned, rejected, destroyed, so hurt that I have never felt this hurt before.
if any of you have or are experiencing similar situation please reply. I need advice and help. I'm lost and at my wits end.
Shortly after he ended up picking fights with me when I actually didn't do anything wrong at all, he would avoid me and ignore me, things like that. It wasn't too severe at the time but over past few years he slowly got worse. He would also be sweet for about a week or so then suddenly turn into a controlling, abusive man. He has also cheated on me.
I have tried leaving him but he would threaten me. We have a 7 year old daughter together and today he took off with her. Nothing I can do about it. He has also turned my oldest daughters (not his biological daughters) against me. He is also showing signs that he is messing around with my 22 year old daughter. She is also showing signs. Flirtation, spending time together, purposely she would ignore me her own mother.
Very controlling
Never listens to me when I talk, he zones out at the tv
He forgets everything I tell him
He is highly critical towards me to the point it has dropped my confidence and self esteem
He tells me I am a faker (that I really am not experiencing chronic pain even though I have been dianosed)
He calls me all sorts of names which I cannot repeat here, he also calls me psychotic and mentally unstable
He rarely gave me money and I would have to beg and ask him for everything, even needed things.
He keeps the money secret, doesn't tell me anything. If I ask he yells at me.
He has several signs of cheating and I also have proof.
He uses our 7 year old to manipulate me. for example: if I were to tell him I want to divorce he would tell me he will take her and he will win custody because I can't work and I'm in process of getting ssi.
Like I said I have tried leaving and even kicking him out, his threats would scare me to the point I'd always allow him back into my life. He is also a master manipulator and charmer. He is so good at manipulation he is now able to turn my own kids and friends against me even though they see how bad he really is towards me. He has even been horrible towards my oldest daughters yet they are taking his side.
I'm in a nightmare. I can't sleep, can't eat, chain smoking like crazy (I was going to try to quit today) due to how much stress I'm under.
I have my parents, my best friend and my brother who are trying to help me. They all live over 4 hours away. I am alone and its the worst feeling in the world. I feel abandoned, rejected, destroyed, so hurt that I have never felt this hurt before.
if any of you have or are experiencing similar situation please reply. I need advice and help. I'm lost and at my wits end.
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Just thought I would join this group now that I am a widower. My wife passed away May 28th. She was "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I met her, I was a drunken, dope smoking, fighting, hell raising biker. She told me if I could get rid of the inner storm within me, that I could be a blessing to people. God placed her in my path to stop me. I have been drug and alcohol free now for 53...
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My husband and I got our foster license last month, after 3 years of hard work (we had to start over multiple times due to family dramas and Mom's open heart surgery). We spent a year preparing the whole house, guest rooms, and children's bathroom for older kids of 7 yr old and up. Then we got a call that we have been approved to receive twin newborn premies. What, what?!! Babies!? Premies?!...
It's critical you get you and your 7 yr old daughter away from him. Do NOT tell him you're thinking about leaving. If you can arrange for your family to come and get you and your daughter while he is at work, that would be your best bet. Decide what to take with the assumption that you will never be back again. Things aren't important. You and your daughter are.
Then you can contact their local women's shelter and an attorney to make sure you all stay safe.
Otherwise, contact your local women's shelter and ask for help leaving. It is imperative that you make a SAFE plan to leave. Leaving is THE most dangerous time for you and your daughter. He's already shown you that he has no qualms about taking your 7 yr old away from you.
Do NOT tell him you want a divorce. Do NOT threaten to kick him out of tell him you're leaving.
Messing w/your older daughter is a HUGE red flag. You will have to worry about 'saving' your older daughters once you are out. They are adults, and all you can do is wait for them to figure it all out. In the meantime, you and your 7 yr old need to get out NOW.
Please make sure you erase all history and cookies from all devices (phone, tablet & computer) so he doesn't know you've come to this site. If you have to, ask your parents to call the women's shelter on your behalf. Ask them to tell them all that you've said here and be sure to include his threats to take your daughter away from you.
If you can't leave right away, gather whatever evidence you can. If you can SAFELY find any bank account numbers, old tax returns, asset statements or pay stubs, etc., scan, copy or photograph them and send them to your family. You do NOT want this getting back to him. As he WILL escalate and that will make contacting your family very difficult.
After you know they received everything, delete everything you just did. If you can't get the copies to your parents, put them on a flash drive and put them in a safe deposit box in your name only. Also, start stashing any money you can someplace where he would never think to look.
Whatever you do, make sure who ever you trust is not going to be in contact w/him. It is imperative that he not know what you're planning.
There is a very active physical & emotional abuse group (for those being abused) here on DS. I invite you to check in w/that group. They offer a lot of support, wisdom and experience. Many have dealt with exactly what you're dealing with now.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/forum
~healing hugs~
Not sure if or when he is coming back with our 7 year old. The fact I can't do anything to make him bring her back, I called an advocacy place that helps women in my situation. She stated that he has equal rights to her that I do and I can't do anything about it. I don't know where he took her.
I appreciate all your advice and I thank you much for it.
Call your local police and explain the circumstances and ask when you can report her missing. He has basically kidnapped your daughter!!
And, while he is gone talk to your family. Make a plan for them to come get you (while he's at work( as soon as he comes back. You have equal rights, so you can taker her just like he did.
As soon as you get to your parents, contact an attorney - a shark of an attorney. Start divorce proceedings and ask for a separation agreement where he has to provide you with alimony and child support. (If you're in the US, they an garnish his wages if the court orders it and he doesn't pay.) Ask for supervised visits because he's already taken her w/o telling you where they are going or when they'll be back.
There is lots of research out that says even just witnessing abuse SERIOUSLY damages a child. It actually causes the hippocampus to shrink which can lead to diminished decision making ability and/or PTSD. Not to mention that children learn what they live and live what they learn.
You have at least two choices here. Allow things to continue to be as they are or do whatever it takes to protect you and your daughter. I know it's not easy, but her life depends on YOU. If you don't stop the cycle of abuse, she will grow up to either be abused or be an abuser. No ifs ands or butts about it.
A more appropriate community in Daily Strength is the Abuse community. Women have a lot to offer and share. Please do not hesitate to leave him.