When you want to send him a text send it to a friend instead. The sooner you let him go and get his items out of your place the sooner you can move on. Go for a counselling session and that should help. Start hanging out with some friends for support. Take up a hobby or join a club, gym anything that you've always wanted to due. Good luck

it wasn't easy for me either. nor did i have a support network. it forced me to look for new ways which worked for me

the hardest lesson for me was understanding that begging, pleading and pursuing only pushed them away faster. it has the opposite affect than you may think. in any relationship there is a distancer and a pursuer. when balanced, the relationship is balanced, when one sided the pursuer pushes the distancer further away

I know. This whole thing just makes me feel like I'm crazy since I obsess about him and what he's doing. It's not that I hope we get back together, that's not why I text him. I don't know, I guess part of me hopes he will give me some sort of sign he at least misses me a little given how long we were together (7 years). Instead I just set myself up for failure because he doesn't. It seems he would be perfectly fine if I just dropped off the face of the planet. It feels like he would be fine if he never saw me again. And then I just end up angry with myself for feeling this way.

you are not crazy, you are passionate and have a genuine heart. try not to look for positive responses from him, but in your own growth. don't sell yourself short. you are stronger than you realize. trying to rationalize an unrational individual will confuse the heck out of you

frequently people act on current feelings and not on rational logic - trying to figure things out from that perspective will frustrate you to no end and won't yield any real conclusions

I'm willing to bet he has and will look back on your good times often. He's not currently in a place to let you see that and will withhold in letting you see that

You're completely right. I need to try to let go of the past.

not so much let go, but learn from it and grow to move forward, make the negatives into something which allows you to be the better you. you can do it!!

one thing i will suggest is getting a life of your own. enjoy the things you've always wanted to do. this helps in moving forward, which also helps improving your chance of reconciliation but more importantly it helps you rediscover you.

I know. And I want to. But it's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have no much debt now after being with him so long and now financially I'm so tight it's hard to see me being able to do anything for me.

I know it's rough. It took me over a year to emotionally detach from my then husband. I sometimes forget that, as I finished that process over a year ago. After the detachment, THEN I filed for divorce, and that took a year. I think most people go the other way and file, or get served, or get broken up with if not married, then have to deal with the detachment. It's normal for wanting to feel missed, and to try to find a sliver of meaning or importance in his life. It's bad for us, and you will eventually give up that ghost. Eventually your head (and heart) will hurt so much for banging it against the proverbial wall, that you'll just stop. That was my experience, anyway.

I like that you're setting a goal to have your place the way you want it in a year. May I share your May 21, 2018 date for doing the same? Ex is due to move out on May 21, 2017 and a year sounds perfectly reasonable! Happy Birthday a week in advance!

And I get the no money thing. Sure, I'd like a trip or to go on a shopping excursion, or out to dinner with friends whenever I want, or to finally buy that new Coach bag, but that stuff can't happen now. I try to force myself to appreciate something beautiful each day, like the cherry blossoms I see at work, or the color of the sky, the baby birds and their momma on my front porch, or whatever strikes my fancy. Appreciate it and try to keep it in mind. Often I take photos of these things. We'll get through, we'll improvise.

You might be smart to sell and move on, i now Live
in an apartment. Its great until i decide what and where
i am going or want to do when i feel up to the challenge of
even More change. I thought i was ready awhile ago then
I got a lot of anxiety even thinking about some solo travel
so i tabled the whole idea.

Buying stuff does not help, appreciating nature And all
your small blessings does help. Blessings many times
Are In disguise. I just needed to get out of my Own misery
to appreciate them. You will get there, grief can be Pretty
powerful, intense and overwhelming.

Time truly takes time with grief, keep processing it, Face it
and move thru it and the grand hope is to finally to Let it all
Go when you are ready and willing, HUGS

@jojored By all means please do. Thank you for the early birthday wishes. I figured that day will be tough enough without him there wishing me a happy birthday and I see it as a new start and hopefully I can be in a much better place by my next birthday. And detachment is so hard. It's good to hear that even if it takes a while that's normal. I'm happy that it ended before the wedding in October but at the same time it still upsets me that all those dreams were crushed. It's still hard to see a life without him in it. I'm just hopeful with time it will become easier and I can see myself with someone else again.

@mirandac I thought about it but I worked so hard to get this house. It was the first thing I was able to truly call mine...only at the time I also saw it as being ours and our home we would raise our future children in.

Right now it's just a lonely time. We were together for so long and he also had a son from a previous relationship that I helped raise since he was 4 months old. I miss our "family". But you all are right. I need to see what's there in front of me right now and appreciate it. I at least have my sister near by and her husband and 5 kids that welcome me over whenever I need it and I have my dog and cats when I'm at home.

for me, we were together 25 years, its been 7 months since bomb drop, the things I've learned. its fantastic you have your sister and her family.... pssst your strength is showing

@sjs777 I can't imagine 25 years and then having to go through this. Thank you for your support and help in this.

theres no need to thank me, instead take strength in knowing if i can do it, you can too