I'm so sorry. Do you have someone to call? are you alone?
Try this site breakuprecoveryguide.com.

I am so sorry....Of course you hurt so much and are so confused
How could you not be
What an awful nightmare

You are not alone...many of us have survived through the same as you

Hugs to you in your hours of desparation

I have loved ones to reach out to. I have been. I just wanted to speak with others going through it now...or lately....

Thank you both for you supportive words.

What amazed me was the physical pain. At first overwhelming waves of pain poured over me, they made me groan out loud.

You will feel better.

I so feel your pain and you're not alone. Had I not experienced it first hand, I wouldn't have been able to believe it. I was married 25 yrs with three children.

Hugs and prayers to you. It will take time and the emotional roller coaster is crazy. Remember to look at this as an opportunity to have things better than before.

Boy, do I understand what you are going through. The devastation and oscillating between the rage of never wanting to see them again to the desperation of wanting him to love you again. The pain is indescribable. In the beginning, I threw every bit of self respect I had out the window. I was willing to do anything and accept anything just to put my family back together again. Only now (approx 8 months after learning about the OW) am I at the point where I feel I couldn't take him back even if he wanted to. Please read this article: What not to do if you've been cheated on...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-schorn/cheated-on-tips_b_1987271.html
One of the big take-aways from the article is that there is nothing wrong with you! You are not to blame.
"People cheat because they feel entitled to. Cheaters are 100 percent responsible for their decision to cheat. If they were unhappy, they could've gotten counseling, filed for divorce, taken up scrapbooking -- really anything other than cheating. They cheat because they value the good feelings they get from ego boosts and affair sex more than their commitment to you and your health and well-being. People cheat because they're selfish escapists. Many of them are quite happy to blame shift their crappy decisions on to you. Don't let that happen. "
The author has a pretty great blog you can subscribe to at chumplady.com

Hang in there. It's a rough ride. Please reach out whenever you need a listening ear. Many hugs to you.

I am so sorry. I feel the same way. 40 years together. All I want is him back!!! It's not good. I know he's living with OW. Making love to get.. Telling her he loves her ... I know this.. Yet I'd take him back in a minute.

I did take him back at the holiday time. Wish I wouldn't have. I did everything I could to forgive him and forget that he chose another younger woman over me. I changed his phone number, blocked her phone, blocked her second phone, blocked her daughters phone ... It didn't matter. He still went back to her when he was drunk.

Now I am the other woman. I don't like it!!! He comes to me and tells me he's unhappy with her!! What am I suppose to do now?? I filed for divorce but he's refusing to sign papers. So I hear your pleas. ((Hugs))).

Jillo you are so right!! The overwhelm feelings that if you let them will bring you to your knees. In the middle working or whatever and you have to choke back! I don't want to wait for it to get better!!!! I know I know but..... sigh how did I end up here!!!!!

lossingth mThanks for words and time!

Emotional - so true hating and wanting them back to love and be loved! I will try to read the article! I
Hell my husband said it wasn't me it was him. Still doesn't matter still feels like I'm the broken not wanted one! Rough ride I have to say is an understatement but I understand. Thanks agin

Hullibee - I would take him back took! I know I shouldn't but I miss him and live him. I am so screwed up!

First of all, I am sorry you are having these issues at present but, do yourself a favor and let things settle down a little bit. You are running wild with emotions now and your nerves are on end because you do not know what the future holds, so many unanswered questions, so many things running through your mind.

Give yourself some time to settle down and you will be able to think things through more rationally.

When people are upset, they say and do things they would not normally think of doing. Give yourself and him some time to think things through then, you can start to address the issues that lie ahead.

Its is funny how it can make it seem like it was all nothing when that is not really the case at all. It was because it was something huge and when that huge something just suddendly disappears you tend to feel small and insignifigant but this is truly incorrect and you are still quite valuable and signifigant. Many Hugs to you.

I'm so sorry that you have to walk through chaos like this, jstcyn. I pray that you are able to move forward and find peace. There is a great set of articles you should read on Divorce and Infidelity
( http://bit.ly/1CCp0CO ). You are not worthless and there isn't anything wrong with you. Hang in there.

-ICanSpellThornwell-

Very sorry to hear about your pain. I remember having the same situation like yours. I was very irrational. It is very important that you do not lose yourself through this chaos completely. Talk to a friend or family. Get professional help to help you cope and go through the divorce. Wish you all the best.

I just want to say thanks to everyone for your replies!