I am sorry that you feel prisioner, this is not what a marriage should be.

Only suggestion I will have, become financial independent. Go to school, work outside if you can. Before you do anything, since it will disrupt children's life.

I am in a very similar situation. I do not have a special needs child, but I am afraid of what I will do to support my kids. My dh is also checked out emotionally and we do not have conversation unless it is about his work or his hobbies. I also fear that if we are divorced, that my boys will not see their Dad because he will not make time for them or care to interact with them. I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I wish I had answers for you.

Go see another attorney and get some more answers. Living miserable is not healthy for you or for your children. There is tons of support for single moms. Don't stay in an unhappy situation out of fear.

Wow is this similar to me. I was there for far too many years. I tried to stay until the 'baby' was 18. She turned 13 this year, the boys 18 and 21 in college, and I just had to end it. Far too painful to stay. They physical stress on me was amazing. Since leaving I am almost euphoric at times because of the weight lifted. Find support. I really think friends and family will support you. Mine have. Also, his behavior is almost exactly like my stbx's. Google Passive/Aggressive. When I did it was like reading my life. Good luck.

There's another support group here at DS you might find helpful:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/support-group

You are the creator of your life! If you are anything like I was, you are shut down and detached of yourself to an extent. You don't feel strong because of everything that's bringing you down. GET FREE!!!! I understand your concern for the kids but this is your life too and the only one you have! It's healthy for the kids to see you assert yourself in life and find your heart's desires! The support systems are out there if you look for them. You need to make up your mind and not be stuck in limbo! 14 yrs. is way too long!

I used to feel like an old woman, all physically twisted up. It wears on you to just allow yourself to be sacrificed for everyone else! I don't think it's good for them either because you don't even have anything to give them when you don't give enough to yourself first!

I know this is your decision and I'm sure there is stuff I don't know etc.... And I'm not saying it will be easy, but RUN! Don't walk!!!
-Cherie

You will get support from us but the ultimate decision is yours. My kids are older and I have always worked outside the home and able to support myself. But I know all to well the emotional detachment and unhappiness you are going through. I had a co-worker who went to dental school while in an unhappy marriage. She planned on leaving him when she was able to support herself.At the time I couldn't believe she could do that to her husband. Now that I have been on the receiving end I can sympathize with what she was going through. She is now a dental assistant making good money an divorced. You need to have a plan in place if you feel that you cannot stay in this marriage.BIG HUGS

I too am sorry that you feel like a prisoner. That is certainly no way to live. You mentioned that you have asked him to go to therapy, what changes have you made? I to have felt in the past that if I could just change my partner then I would be happy, although the truth is that we can only change ourselves. If he is willing to go to therapy by himself then I would guess that he certainly would go with you. It sounds like you have built an emotional wall around you to protect yourself from the pain that your current relationship causes. In my opinion it will be impossible for one of you to fix your relationship at this point (when seriously considering divorce) by themselves.

I don't know your husband, but I do know that many times men and women communicate quite differently. Tell him bluntly what is at stake, his marriage, his family, and also tell him that you want to work with him to have the life you both deserve. Tell him that you are willing to change and work for your relationship and that you hope he will too. You just might find that he is as emotionally starved in your relationship as you are. I think you would also be very suprised at how much a person is capable of changing when they understand how serious the situation is.

Find a professional therapist who can help you guys understand your communication problems between each other. Through the process of therapy try to understand each others emotional needs and how your current behaviors prevent each other from being the partners you deserve. As long as neither one of you is currently involved in an affair it is possible to turn this around, and trust me it is much easier, cheaper, and less painfull to all involved than a divorce. If it doesn't work you will at least be experience personal growth that will make sure future relationships don't repeat the sam e patterns experienced in this one.

In summary just remember that you can only change yourself. Everyone at some point feels like if they could just change their partner everything would be better, but unfortunately life doesn't work that way. I'm not trying to be harsh, trust me I understand where you are coming from. I went to individual therapy towards the end of my marriage and encouraged my wife to come also. I wanted so badly for her to want to work on things, however in our case she simply saw it as an opportunity to validate her perceptions of my inadequacy as a partner. The fact that your husband is willing to go to individual counseling to try and work on your marriage is a HUGE positive, irregardless of whether it was successfull or not. A good therapist can teach both of you the skills and insight necessary to have the relationship you deserve, but they cannot provide the motivation.

Hello Cristiana, I too am very sorry to hear of your situation. I agree with everyone's responses and especially singledadto3's response...only because it too provides alternate options besides divorce. To me divorce is saddening; however, a last option that some of us MUST take. I was married for almost 22 years and realized that after trying different options, even counseling, my X was not open-minded to change hes ways. I realized that I couldn't not control or change him ONLY MYSELF. So, i took these steps that helped me...although I didn't want a divorce I thought it was the only and best thing to do especially since I experienced abuse throughout the marriage. I went to abuse training and started volunteering at the shelter, something I've wanted to do for a while. I also look to GOD. Sought God and am working hard to develop a relationship between God and me. Not sure what your position is on spirituality, but just mentioning what has helped me. I've joined a women's support group w/women going through life changes and relationships. I know you must spend a huge amount of time taking care of your children especially if they need special care, but see if you can think about what's important to you. Who are you? What do you like to do, hobbies; read, write, draw, etc. Seek doing things, talking or seeing people, that empowers you and builds hope, strength, confidence in YOU. You are a very Special person and not only do your kids need you, but your Husband does to, surely he just was not taught how to appropriately display the correct attention to you.
Also, having that support team; friends and family helps a tremendous amount. Seems your focus should be on YOU and your children, making you healthy which in turn will support you in caring for the children. Do things that you can focus on that makes you feel good, strengthens you, I read the bible. I've also read spritiual and personal development books, communication training, but mostly spiritual; Joyce Meyers - Battlefield of the Mind, Devotions of the Man in the Mirror, Stephen Covey's - 8 Habit, God always has Plan b, etc. Even if you can read 10 - 15 mins a day it might help take your mind of your husband and his unsupportiveness. And of course, the individual as well as couple therapy may assist greatly as well. Communication is key in any relationship and I hope and pray that God helps in providing the way for you and your husband and family to return to the path that first got you together; where you can talk, understand each other, as well as your feelings, emotions, actions, reactions, etc. God Bless and keep you and your family in his care.