Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Today was the day. The four of us went to court in response to my lawyer's motion. STBX has not been keeping his end of verbal agreements made between us and his lawyer has delayed the entire divorce and blown off my lawyer on multiple occasions.
The two attorneys first went to meet with the judge. Judge was not happy. He agreed to stbx's side paying some of my legal bills relating to extra work my attorney had to do when his didn't show up for a meeting, missed conferences, didn't reply to emails and phone messages, etc. His attorney accepted blame for dropping the ball and said he'd waive some of stbx's fees. The sick thing is that I've been reminding stbx here and there to check in with his lawyer, to see where things are. As a past enabler, I realize this too is enabling, however I felt it was needed to minimize costs and time and would be beneficial to me. Whatever, stbx never checked in with his attorney. If he doesn't think about the divorce, it's as if the divorce isn't happening! He's emotionally 4 years old.
4.5 hours later, we've hashed out two major issues. I got everything I asked for, stbx got squat. He feels he's being treated unfairly by me and the court. I just want to repeat this mantra to him: divorce is not about fairness, it's about the law. He wouldn't get it so I don't bother.
I had to snicker a bunch of times because stbx was getting very indignant and was not working with a spirit of cooperation. He flatly said NO in a few instances to suggestions his own lawyer brought up. I was so glad that both lawyers were able to see how difficult he is. Several times his attorney and he stepped outside, presumable so stbx could cool down and come to grips with reality.
When asked questions, stbx often had vague replies - maybe by Tuesday I can get that done. I think it's about $5K. We were having none of that. It was so difficult for both attorneys to pin him down. That I had to pay thousands of dollars today to get stbx to agree to things he had been promising for years is obscene.
His lawyer was getting irritated by the level of detail my attorney requested from their side, pertaining to dates that tasks would be accomplished so we can get the house on the market by Jan 2. She kept saying it was all necessary, because see, your client has not done x, y and z since we first discussed these issues back in July. When we asked when stbx could get the painters out to finish the painting that stbx has been leisurely working on since the spring, he said he didn't have their number. He would call them later. My lawyer pulled out her phone and asked for the name of the business. He gave an incorrect name, but she was able to find it via google, dialed the number, and handed him the phone. At $350 an hour, she was able to do what I couldn't do for 4 years. The threat of contemt of court is the only thing propelling him to be responsible. Ugh.
This is just the first of many court visits, I fear. We didn't talk about equitable distribution, although his attorney kept bringing it up. Mine kept squashing that down, saying we'd enter a motion to discuss that issue at a later date and lets just work on the issues pertaining to the day's motion. His attorney just wants to be done, he made many references to receiving his own fees from stbx. He even threatened my lawyer when she wouldn't back down by saying he could just fire stbx and good luck getting this divorce through! (Don't why he used the term "fire". Do attorney's fire clients?) My lawyer is wondering why he's still practicing law.
Afterwards, I went to run errands which are on my Legal To Do list. Then I did a little xmas shopping, then grocery shopping. Half way through find football jerseys, I almost fell to the ground. Adreneline finally dissipated and exhaustion took it's place. I dragged myself around another hour then went home. I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic about the future of these divorce proceedings. They're hell. Divorcing a passive aggressive person is HELL!! Thanks for letting me put this all out there!
I hope you are now starting to see the end of the road.
lb7268 - not only did she call the painter, she made him call the HVAC guy, the electrician, and call the lumber yard to set aside some stuff he needs to finish a project. She's not taking his BS delaying tactics.
When the issue of cleaning up the basement and garage came up (he's the GC on the new house and all of his tools and extra materials are there), first he said he'd have to get a dumpster on site. I said no, I've been manually removing the construction garbage myself the last 2 years since the last dumpster was removed, I'll do it with what's left (cost savings). I said I just need stbx to put things in piles - stuff to chuck and stuff to save and let me know which was which. He said, ok to no dumpster, but he'll get a truck from work and cart all of the stuff to our existing house and I can cut it up and put it in the trash or bring it to dumpster day in January. I called BS on this one, because in the past he's said he'd borrow the truck from work to bring home supplies and it never happened. Always a different excuse. What I actually said was this, in front of the attorneys: "I'm begging you, please let me clean up the debris. Let's have you spend your time doing the things you can do that I can't, and let me do this." He actually had to consider and further discuss this before giving an OK to this. Can you imagine! The lawyers were trying to figure out why he would ever have an issue with this! I told my lawyer is was a loss of control thing. He even wants to control the garbage leaving the house. I just want to get things moving, sell the house, move him out, get divorced, and to find peace in a world where no one cares that I throw away my own garbage.
I'm Henry dolph a second lieutenant in the us army Fortworth base, San Antonio...if you require the discrete services of a Russia trained grey hat hacker (anti military tested) contact cyberspyne(at)gmail(dot)com
5 years of waiting around and waiting for court in passages have taught me that you cant depend on any fairness in court. some days its OK and mostly its a lottery.
I never gave up but it took all my energy.
well we are a few days from Christmas and here come the divorce papers on my postbox. His timing is impecable. Everything has to be rehashed now, every document from the begining of time. I have to see my lawyer agsin on my birthday to start her reinvestigating everthing before christmas hits. So thats christmas ruined.
I have to put together every complication and record of the past 15 years and hope at the end I dont get thrown out of my home in the end. He cheated on me more than once all documented and proved in court. he infected me with a disease ans is now blaming me for sleeping around( Ive never been unfaithful in my life) He then abandoned me in a house full of bills. I now have to bring all these painful memories up again and hope the judge sees sense.
marriage to an asshat sucks and divorce is just the final torture. Good luck!