Just pray about it! So sorry! I’ve been here before! No one wins in a situation like this

Thanks for replying. Yes that' all I've been doing. I mean he acted like this was just another time that he would go get his drug and come back home. I hate the fact that he has this problem but, I learned how to deal being as though he was helping me pay the bills.

That’s understandable. You must try and figure out if you can live like this forever or not and if so, this will be a part of him you will have to accept. I did it for 2 years and finally left. My ex is now in prison! He chose drugs over everything and would go to rehab and start all over again.

Sounds really hard but nothing you can do in the end. It is a selfish disease and best to get yourself healthy and get support. what else can you do until he is ready? Stats say it is only a few that turn around, focus on you and get your life the way you want it. If he left for another female addict, in the end you will see how lucky you are despite the pain now.
But if you think this is it, he isn't going to change and at 87 he will be the same or dead, is that okay with you? IF yes, then hang in there, if no then build a life without him. I had to do the same and it was hard but I did not want to keep doing the same craziness they bring

I'm heartbroken..... In love with a cheating, abusive addict. I'm hoping to follow "run2bfree"s advice. I have been hoping for change and wholeness for years...... Not wanting to believe it is what it is. I joined this group in hopes of moving forward... I have to actually divorce and move forward.

Its easier said then done. Im such a co dependent. Thats how he wanted me. I been with him for 20 years. He did everything until.about 2 years ago. Thats when it all fell through the roof with this addiction

Sounds like you are in a really bad place. I think you need to answer some questions in your heart....like how long can i live like this? Do I really want to live like this? It could be many years before he decides to get some help....if ever. It's a time to take care of yourself....get yourself healthy and whole. Is there someone close you can talk to? Would you consider a counselor? Is there a pastor or close family member? They can help you draw some good boundaries and maybe take a good look at co-dependency.....helping you answer some deep questions. I will pray for you. I so encourage you to seek some counsel for yourself.

Yea I have hust started counseling about a week ago. Its helping I think. Im not as anxious as I use to be. I want to get help from my codependency

Hun, if you've checked the local hospitals and police departments and he's not there. I'd focus on you and your counseling and seriously consider getting on with your life. You need to think of the danger this man puts you in. The diseases he can bring to you from various types of drug use like, Hep C, Aids, if he's sleeping with other women you could get STD's. If he's getting drugs from dealers on credit, what happens when they come looking for him to pay up and the only one home is you? I don't mean to be so blunt, but you seem to have some blinders on, when it comes to living with a drug addict who disappears for long periods of time.

Co-dependency can be cured and you can become independent. That other stuff....not so much. I hope that you really think about yourself as a person and what you deserve out of a life, and get on with it.

Take care.

You are so right. I think about those things daily. He's in rehab now. Im praying this will get him off for good

I hope your counseling is really helping you. 20 years is a long time, lots of habits formed, so I encourage you to be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal, and keep moving forward to a healthier you. It sounds like you can't depend on him, even though you love him. It's up to you to keep yourself humming, along with a lot of help from the man upstairs! You can change yourself, but you can't change someone else. They have to want to change. Prayers of healing and deliverance go out to you and your guy.

Thank you for your reply. Yes I will work on me even though I get very sad some days. I will continue to pray for myself and family.

I had to leave someone but not due to drugs but sex addiction. I had no issue with his involvement with me but then after it went to wanting me to display myself or take it outside the bedroom it freaked me out. Not just that but realizing that any addict "regardless of nature" has their focus directed in other unhealthy directions that can effect you as you will feel 1. I am not enough 2. "it" is more important then me 3. What did I do wrong this time...etc. In reality it is not you but these feelings over a protracted time will make you all the sudden self-impose their dysfunction onto you and make you feel like you now have an issue. Prolonged periods of time in the dysfunction just ultimately break you down and will cause you to eventually act out and become irrational (you are dealing with irrational matter that you are trying to rationalize). Now I will say what I did, as hard as it was I left and to this day it still hurts but long term the damage could have been far more exceeding and as an intelligent independent woman I gave an ultimatum and sacrificed my temporary happiness for permanent madness. We are the only ones that control our destiny. My approach is if life were easy and we were not challenged then it would be pretty boring. These tests are given to us so that we can rise to the occasion to push ourselves to be stronger, wiser and better. Thank you so much for posting because just my response is bringing me great affirmation as to my struggles and how I am approaching them. That being said, hope I helped you because in turn you helped me.

Im so glad i help you. I thiught I couldnt do anything right according to my husbsnd. Thank you for encouraging me to continue on. Yes its true that we are effected by the addict. Im glad that Im not what he thought I was. Im somebody that deserves respect and to be treated like a human not a door mat.

Hi there, so sorry you are going thru this. The bottom line I'm seeing is that it is your choice to stay and live your life like this. Co dependency is a woe-begotten state of being. You said you are counseling. I hope that is helping. During this time he is away, take good care of yourself....your mental health, your emotional health, your physical health. Make good choices based on your counseling. Hang in there and push thru the hard lonely times and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. You are a strong woman that deserves respect as a human being. Don't let go of that!.. Hold your head high! You can do this!