Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I dont know what to do

TrYmM
TrYmM

Im a gay man and Ive been in a realtionship for about 3 years now with my boyfriend. We met on an online dating app and after we met sparks flew. We even decided to move to the same city together and live together. Only after a couple monts he decided he didnt want this any more, started distancing himself from me. I found that he was seeing other men so I moved out to get my own apartment.  A couple months after we rekindled and found ourselves back in a relationship only this time he kept pushing and blaming me for giving other men my attention (mind you i wasnt seeing any one and the only reason I strated going out more was because i was a single man now). We managed to calm down those suspicions and we ended up moving back in together. Everything seemed to be fine then once again he tells me he feels trapped and is unsure about wanting to be with me. Later i found that he was seeing other men once again. After he begged and pleded to be back together i said yes. We worked on our selves, i took a vow of celibacy (i needed to redefine my definition of healty sex), stopped drinking, and everything seemed to be heading in the right direction. Then one night he went to a friends house warming party had a few drinks then went to a guy he's been seeing behind my back for time house and cheated on me again. I can see that he has some inner issues with sex and relationships, but i dont know how much more i can take. My Self image and self-esteem is at an all time low. I avoid my reflection. I haven't told my friends or family for fear of being judge and ridiculed. I cant get the thought of him doing this once again out of my mind. What should i Do. All advice is welcomed.

fakeblonde
fakeblonde
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! It doesn't seem like he's too into monogamy. Probably some past issues going on there would be my guess. I understand finding yourselfbin the same predicament with the same person and being embarrassed. Almost sounds like he's in one of those "let me hurt them before they hurt me" mindset. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but we don't deserve to be hurt or humiliated. We all deserve kindness and respect, and appears we have chosen people who don't feel the same way. I'm so very sorry.
Joe100
Joe100
Just accept him for who he is and practice safe sex. Just insist you know he's ok and not coming home -- or out with somebody else. Life is too short to set boundaries on everybody. People are capable of loving more than one person. Relax.
BeautyBeholder
BeautyBeholder
It really is a shame he wasn't able to get it right with you is all I can think of because you seem like a person with a head on their shoulders, also you were committed and that is valuable... He doesn't get that.
I would say don't waste another precious moment of your life with him, you may love him and he may in fact love you, but he's not where you are and it may take years before he lets go of the life habits he is leading, or he may never change at all, one thing is for sure your relationship goals are not compatible, so please don't let him drag you down, you deserve way better.
Be strong and don't ignore the obvious. {HUGS }
BeautyBeholder
BeautyBeholder
@Joe100 I totally agree that people are capable of loving more than 1 person, however If I understand correctly TrYmM case he is practicing committed relationships, where infidelity is not an acceptable part of it, same as if you are in an open relationship and your partner starts getting upset because you are not loyal.
I hope I made sense there.
Aronia
Aronia
If you are the kind of man that wants real commitment and mongamy, then this guy is just not capable...
it doesn't matter if we are hetero or otherwise.. we all have different ideas of what happiness is, you just have to find someone who shares your values.
You ve made so many sacrifices for him... it is time to let go I think.. I m so sorry
Hugs
jojored
jojored
I would say the bottom line is that he has broken your trust repeatedly. Without trust, can you really respect him? Do you need to respect someone who you want to be in a committed, healthy relationship with? For me, the answer is yes.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
The cheating has been too much....once is hard enough to deal with little alone over and over. I know you must be drained as anyone would be. I just don't see how it can be worked out seeing as it keeps happeni g.
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