I've been married 17 years to a faithful, loving wife; unfortunately, I wasn't as faithful early on in our marriage, yet she has stayed.  I asked her why recently and she replied that she doesn't know.  In couple's therapy, she broke down when we talked about our early years and we've both known that's been a big elephant in the room.  Every time we reopen the case, the shame and guilt take me over.  It is at this point in my life that I need to decide whether or not I should leave.  We are both miserable, even though we have good times together as long as we don't bring up our issues.  If I do leave her, I think I'm done with intimate relationships altogether because they only seem to cause deep pain and suffering.  I know I am not an easy person to get to know, after all I am an INTP, however, I am working out some issues with my therapist that we have identified as vulnerability blockers.  I do love her, but maybe not in the sense of a deep emotional, feeling love.  I don't want bad things to happen to her and I especially do not want to hurt her!  She deserves better, as I've stated in previous rants, and I know now I will never be able to measure up.  This is really hard and I don't take this lightly.  I honestly do not know what to do anymore.  All we have done the last 2 days is fight.  Therefore, should I continue to prolong the inevitable or perhaps I should begin plans for a divorce.  I do feel that I've robbed her of the best years of her life simply because I couldn't communicate my needs, feelings, desires or emotions.  We are seeing a couple's therapist weekly and I hope there is some way we can end the stalemate.  Nevertheless, I won't be the cause of someone's emotional pain and suffering anymore!  I'd rather be alone and content than be someone's source of pain and suffering.