This is not meant to sound harsh but... sounds to me like he's using you. Don't let him in your bed. If you can't tell him no when he wants sex, then don't let him in the bed to begin with. I think that you are not in a good place right now, self esteem wise, and quite frankly, who would be? You've have to endure A LOT of loss in the last few years... so much more than anyone should have to deal with, and then some. I truly think you need to go to therapy, and possibly get on an antidepressant. But please, don't ever forget that you were you long before he ever came along. I know it hurts like hell (Hell, I'M the one leaving soon and MY heart hurts like hell), but you lived without him before and you can do it again. Love yourself enough right now to tell him no. No sleeping in your bed and no sex. It's only going to make it worse if you don't.

It is hard to see or accept when you are in the thick of it, because you are still in the denial and bargaining stages of your grief.
But the sooner you realize that he is moving on, the easier it will be on you. I dont say it to sound harsh. I say it because I've been there.
He is NOT the man you thought he was.
He is NOT treating you in a consistently loving manner.
Having sex with someone does NOT equal loving feelings, it equals, 'biology' to keep it polite.
How to stop is to stop letting him use you.
It sounds very much like he already has someone else or is working very hard at getting someone else. Again, I've been there. And as it was put to me, "even a monkey won't let go of a vine without a firm grasp on the next one." I hate to say, but the reaching out for you in his sleep is either a sleep reflex, or honestly, he thought you were her, and pulled away once fully awake and aware.
We often don't know the full why, but probably a combo of him finding someone else, or the thrill for him of you still pining for him even though he is being a complete jerk to you.
Many things went awry in my marriage, but my son was about 9 months old when shit hit the fan too. Some people, mainly men but can be anyone, just don't understand the reality of having a baby in the home and how it changes everything. They freak out and run away. But who knows.
The point is, he's made it clear he intends to leave. Sorry to say, but yeah he probably will try to get you back but honestly, from the way he's acting, you should be mentally ready to say "hell NO" before that ever happens.
People show us with their actions how they plan to treat us.
Acting hot and cold, jerking someone around, etc, that's not love.
The fact that he can act "fine" shows that he's thought about it for a while. His mind is made up so he is at peace w his decision. It seems out of the blue to you, but for him he's already dealt w it. He may take pity from time to time, either out of a desire to really not see you cry, or in order to manipulate you for food, lodging, sex, ego stroke for him, whatever.
I KNOW first hand it is hard. Most here do. But the sooner you can distance yourself physically and emotionally, the better. Keep all contact to the bare essential minimum. Keep to different areas of the house, if it is even necessary for you to be there at the same time, and if not, then don't be. Don't cry in front of him, don't sleep with him (literally and figuratively). It may sound harsh, but as someone who is out the other side, it is the best way to get some clarity and healing for yourself. The more contact you have with him, the more prolonged and profound your pain will be.

I appreciate all the support from everyone. This is all too hard. I know I need to let him go. I am scarred for that moment to come. My support system is weak other than the online community and that is hard also. I called to make an appointment at a therapist, waiting to hear back for scheduling.

You need all the help you can get, keep reaching
Out To loving healthy caring supportive people.
Stay away from unsupportive or unhealthy people
They make you feel worse it is bad enough.

Join divorce Care.org, churches are great during
these times. Let yourself grieve your losses.

Asking for Help and support is a sign of strength
not weakness. Its gets Easier as you become humble
and willing to let Good people in. I was in alanon for
Awhile before he left so i was alot stronger and no
Longer a doormat. It was still a rough ride and still is.

Many of us on here are no different so dont beat
Yourself up. Just keep working on you getting
Better and healthier, keep up a loving good
atmosphere For your child. They are the ones
that suffer the most during These times of grief
And great sadness.

I hope you find a great therapist. I asked for
recommendations From people i trusted.

I hope you have your own lawyer about the house
And your child. DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN FOR OR
WITH ANYTHING. Watch your back, he is only looking
Out for himself. Checked out spouses are bad there
is no remorse or concern its like an empty Shell of The
Person you thought you knew. They are No longer your
Friend, they want to leave you and lead the life they want.
HUGS

I am seeking a lawyer, but financially I have not found one I can afford. I do have 2 other children too that are not his that I have sole custody of. I make good money, but I have a lot of financial responsibility, so as quick as it comes it goes. No one considers the student loans I have to pay, my car payment, the utilities, mortgage, insurance, phone, needs for the kids, food cost to feed 3 boys. They just think you make a certain amount and that should be enough, but it's not enough to allow for a lawyer. I had to go to college to get that job to make that money and now I pay almost $700 a month back in student loans on income based repayment.

Christi I don't want to sound harsh either, but like 3cuties up there I have to say it :.

He's using you for sex, and you're letting him.

I'm really sorry, and no one send me hateful PM's, but I can't sit here and listen to someone post lovey dovey codependent nonsense and not speak up.

I have to speak up.

Hate me, ban me, but Christi you are being used.

If you are ready to stop allowing this man to use you like a blow up doll, many here can help you with how they did it.

But romanticizing the jerk, allowing him to do it and asking for support? Seriously, do you want us to just say let him do it until someone hands you a wad of cash?

Christi if you need to go to womens aid or a
Women shelter for help and support GO. They
Have the knowledge and support available.
There is usually low cost or pro bono services
Available for help with legal services.

I have beat every bush i could find to get better
And it takes time. NO CONTACT is the best or
Limited contact if you still need to deal with
Him over child issues.

I go to alanon and there are CODA meetings
they help a great deal. Its still takes time to
Get there. Be patient and kind to yourself do
The next best thing then the next. HUGS

ClearDay1 I would not hate or want to ban anyone for speaking their home at thoughts on here. Things are tough to hear. I know I romanticize him. I still love him and that's the part I can't seem to move past. Of course I don't want a wad of cash from anyone. I was just commenting on how difficult obtaining a lawyer was with the other expenses that I already have. I appreciate you being open with your thoughts. Sometimes we don't always get to hear what we want to hear, but what we need to hear. I am struggling and probably will for a while. I don't know why I continue to love what is not there and I hope that it becomes easier for me soon. I got a call back from the therapist today. I have my first session Monday. I don't know if that is the answer for me, but I hope it provides me a step in the right direction. I know I have never been so dependent on having someone in my life as I have him and I need to find some way to come to terms that I have to let that go. I am thankful that I have this community too. I am just beginning this hard journey and am so lost. I am trying to find my way.

I'm really sorry Christi because I know how hard this is.

I'm literally in tears writing this because this obviously triggered me.

It's very difficult for me to shut my mouth when I see someone being used.

Very difficult.

My guess is its codependency and it is deep
and Hard to beat. Usually we are brought up in
Dysfunctional/ alcoholic home and our needs
were not Met and we have no sense of self or
self worth. We dont even know what normal
Looks like. We put others before us and get
Lost in always giving and caretaking.

I am tickled you have an appointment setup.

I loved both of my therapists, first one was MC
And then i picked my own. They both told the
Same thing get out. I stayed and tried some
More. It just messed me up more, staying the
Last 12 years with him then the marriage had
Turn very codependent and i got sicker by the
Day. HUGS

It is hard!

Please don't kick yourself for falling in love. At the very least, you've got a wonderful son.

I would advise to stop the sex right now, and the sharing of the bed. You will regret that down the road. He had a basic biological urge, you were in bed next to him, he satisfied that urge. With someone else likely in his back pocket, he pretty much is using you. Maybe he feels guilty too - guilty sex is not a good thing either. Sorry to be harsh, but that's how I see it. People have sex all the time and it means nothing, I think this is the case for him now.

Since he's the one who wants to break up the relationship, tell him the couch is now where he'll have to sleep until he moves out. Set firm boundaries. Lock your bedroom door when you go to bed at night. Keep the bathroom door locked too when he's around. You've got to start protecting yourself and looking out for your present and future well being. Have you considered how the mortgage will be paid? How to separate assets? I don't know how that works with a couple who is not married, but it's something that has to be decided upon. With a non-communicator, this might prove difficult. Best to you.

I think that's part of their plan... making us codependent. We don't even realize it (at least I didnt) until one morning we wake up and realize that our entire life revolves around him. Every day, every schedule, every event, every meal, everywhere we go, everyone's mood, every expense, every room in our house... I've made decisions on how it would be most pleasing to him. God, it makes me sick that I've let myself get this way. Pathetic. It's absolute pathetic. 1 more month and my life is MINE again. You'll get there too Christi.

How incredibly difficult for you and selfish for him! He is blinded by his own needs and bulldozing over yours in the process, meaning he really isn't ready for a mature and supportive relationship. I went through a similar thing with my ex and even continued hooking up with him for a year after we broke up... even when he had other gfs and women he would talk about! It was devastating because he kept saying "i love you, but i don't want you." I feel this guy is doing the same to you by not realizing how painful his presence in your life is. You have to realize this and get away from him before he actually leaves you. It is so hard at first, sometimes you just need to cry and grieve the loss. Which also means, you have to let it go somehow.

The moment you start taking steps to fill your life with health, support and love and you will start the healing process.

I'm slowly realizing that you have to understand you are a badass, an incredible and beautiful person who deserves everything in the world you want, including a good hearted and respectful person to be your significant other. The best way to get through this is to treat yourself like the most precious person in the world because you are! Self care and respect are the path to freedom! You are beautiful and amazing, never forget that.

Wilcototter I am so scarred to end up in that boat. You are right I need to find a way to let go. I dreamt last night of the future. We were in what I assume was his apartment after he moved out. He still had me on the hook. We had sex in my dream then I just woke up feeling completely empty.