Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have a feeling this venue will leave me with lots of opposition as it is probably more the hurt, than the ones that did the hurting on here.... nevertheless, I am going to try and share my story... I was with my husband 7 years, married for one year. We lost the art of communication and he stopped having sex with me for 7 months. this led to me having an affair, through which I got pregnant. I told him and he immediately said he will divorce me. The father of the child hasn't said a word to me in a week, and not faced up to the situation at all... he already has a 13 y/o daughter and has a low income so not sure if going after him for child support will even work... Then I am afraid he will flip the tables and try and get custody and ask me for child support claiming he is better to provide as he has family here that could help take care of him while all my family is out of state. I am very ashamed of my actions and pray for forgiveness daily. What I did was very wrong and has hurt many... my parent and sister are crushed with this news as well... my mom says I will cause the whole family hurt and should put the son up for adoption.. I want to keep him, but am concerned how I will afford this. I am due in September already and getting afraid/depressed wondering how it will come together...... I feel this is my punishment for having an affair, but praying I will make it through.
I think saving your marriage as much as you want it, cant be your biggest focus at this time. I am sure you are devastated have a lot of guilt etc but the focus now has to shift to this baby and to prepare for everything that will occur. Do you have any other kids? is this your first child ? today all of this feels like a mistake and like the world is caving in but this baby is still someone who is apart of you don't let anyone talk you into giving it away because it doesn't fit in the normal plan you had for your life. I can sit here and tell you how your affair hurt everyone and how selfish it was etc but living in the past wont matter anymore. You have something more important to think of and prepare for now.
your child is coming into this world innocent and unaware of anything. You have a new start to do things the right way as a mother. maybe the marriage didn't work out but someday when you bond with your baby and feel the overwhelming love for him, everything else will feel secondary. Use your time and energy and trying to save up money, becoming for financially secure, surrounding yourself with people who will help you be the best mom you can be and get yourself prepared for the only thing that matters now. and by the way HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
Stop beating yourself up. We all do mistake that are so disappointing ourselves and others. We are first and foremost human beings. Take it from a chronic married man type. A problem that I'm working on. I don't go looking for them, they fine me and I crave against my better judgment.
What I'm saying is try to make the best decisions for you and the baby. It's going to hurt like hell, but once you make it through the other side, you will be wiser, stronger and understand why things happening the way they did.
Cheating wasn't the answer to the problem that happening in your marriage, but your not totally to blame. It takes two. People seem to lose that perspective.
I wish you best in your decisions. Find people to talk to and help with the emotional aspect. I also agree with what Pinkrose28 has to say. Life is a journey of good and bad. Learning from the journey is a plus.