Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
...from those who have children and who have separated and/or have had your divorce finalized.
How do you manage to communicate in a civil way with your stbx/ex?
I freely admit to anyone who wants to know what I did wrong in our marriage. I also admit to prematurely marrying a woman who was neither my friend, nor a person with whom I could get along.
But communicating with her has been very rough. I mean, we had a terrible time communicating in the past so it isn't a surprise that it would be difficult now.
She spent many dollars and much effort to eviscerate me during the divorce process. It was a concerted effort between her, her family members and her man-hater attorney to inflict as much damage as they could.
It has been very hard to move beyond the anger that has resulted...forget forgiveness...just to reduce the anger down so that I could stop wanting to stuff her body into a wood chipper.
Anyway, I don't want the kids to suffer as a result of the anger that I have grappled with. She did what she did, it was an awful way to treat the father of her children, but what's done is done.
I just want to hear the most excellent voices of experience here. You represent the most amazing collection of damaged, hopeful, wayward souls I know...
So tell me...
How do you manage to communicate in a civil way with your stbx/ex?
I freely admit to anyone who wants to know what I did wrong in our marriage. I also admit to prematurely marrying a woman who was neither my friend, nor a person with whom I could get along.
But communicating with her has been very rough. I mean, we had a terrible time communicating in the past so it isn't a surprise that it would be difficult now.
She spent many dollars and much effort to eviscerate me during the divorce process. It was a concerted effort between her, her family members and her man-hater attorney to inflict as much damage as they could.
It has been very hard to move beyond the anger that has resulted...forget forgiveness...just to reduce the anger down so that I could stop wanting to stuff her body into a wood chipper.
Anyway, I don't want the kids to suffer as a result of the anger that I have grappled with. She did what she did, it was an awful way to treat the father of her children, but what's done is done.
I just want to hear the most excellent voices of experience here. You represent the most amazing collection of damaged, hopeful, wayward souls I know...
So tell me...
Our split was not vicious which helped. But he's done some low down things and lied to me about where our children have been so it's been a challenge for me. But I simply let it go (not an easy process by any means).
I do hate dropping my children off with him b/c it continually reminds me that we are not together, but I don't let him see that. I am actually genuinely happy that our children spend time with their dad.
I use email a lot to communicate with him and I call him as well. I really focus on our children when talking to him. I even conceded some things in our divorce so that it would not have to get nasty and I could preserve my sanity.
So I guess I'm saying that I keep my feelings/emotions to myself when I deal with ex unless absolutely necessary.
Every situation is different and it depends on the ex who could make things REALLY difficult even when you are trying to do what's right for the kids.
Hope that helps.
We keep it to a minimum..and just about the kids.
We agreed that the phone calls that we make to talk to our kids will be with the kids only. We don't use that time to talk to each other because we don't want to "dread" calling the kids.
I got my oldest son a cell phone. One that you have to put minutes on so he can't abuse but it works well for him, me and ex. Gives my son more freedom to call us "whenever he wants to".
It's BAD. We have both said that we cringe when we see each others numbers come up on our phones.
I'm with you..forgiveness seems a million miles away but Anger does fade over time. Hopefully..your ex will do what is right for the kids. I HATE HATE HATE my ex..but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids.