Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jcolacino 09/20/2011

Today is proving to be extremely stressful as I unfortunately still have to deal with my ex at work. I have not let her go because I need her at work as much as she needs the job to feed her and her beautiful little son.

I feel so horribly betrayed by her and my ex friend that I can't even look at her. She was so mean to me last week and told me that I ruined her life and she was sorry she ever met me. I can honestly say I have never been anything but good to her and I think she is lashing out.... maybe because she feels guily for some of whats going on. I have this incredible desire to lash out and say something mean to her but I know that will only make things worse. I am fighting the desire to confront my ex friend and tell him exactly what I think of him... but again... It would only make my issues worse. I am under incredible pressure at my office and this only adds to my stress....

I gues what I am asking for is some support my my friends to know I am not wrong... That its ok to feel this way towards her. I can't believe that I almost hate her! I never have felt this way towards her. She acts like nothing is wrong and when I look at her I actually feel sick. I think of my friend and her being together.

Let me know how to deal with my anger without blowing up. I hate feeling like this! I have said this before but the emptyness is unreal!

Jim :(

jcolacino 09/20/2011

God I need a hug!
Jim

JessiQ 09/20/2011

I know it's tough, but avoid lashing out at either of them. Sticking to the high road is never easy, but it's always the best choice in the end.

As far as letting go of the anger, I find that coming on here and venting helps, as does journalling. I also use my commute home to yell all the awful stuff I'd like to say to my STBX husband and the OW. Other drivers probably think I'm nuts, but I swear I feel better by the time I get home!

HUGS!!! And stay strong. The anger is normal, just avoid letting it consume you.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

venting here does help. you can get great support here. exercising helps too. i like to listen to music also, but nothing sad. mad songs actually. helps me vent.
(((((((hug))))))

Jarliew 09/20/2011

You have every right to get angry - don't lash out at them, but you need to find a way to let it out, when you hold it in all you do is prolong the pain and suffering you are going through. a few ways I let it out. extreme golf, fired my guns, went for a long drive, journaled, went out and met new people. However you have to let it out (short of hurting yourself or someone else) let it out!

deleted_user 09/20/2011

Such a hard situation to be in. I worked with my stbx too but we managed to change days around, so I now work in the office on the 2 days he is at the other office. I think you are doing incredibly well to hold it together, I know how much happier I was when I wasn't having to be near him or talk to him ( we now communicate in public and polite notes and memos ). (((hugs))) Hope you can resolve this one way or another (((((extra squeezy hug ))))))))

deleted_user 09/20/2011

Give her severance pay and be done with her. She can find other work. You dont need that at work. So you want to put up with this day in and day out at work?. I salute you if you dont go insane soon. You have to look out for yourdelf and your well being.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

I am dealing with the same feelings. I don't want to hate my ex, but everytime I think about what he did to my life, I just can't feel anything but hating him. If I choose not to hate him, I am swimming in a pool of sadness. Obviously, both options are not good for me. Letting go is a way to go but it is so hard, especially when I am the one who deal with the pain and he is dealing with the guilt.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

I would recommend writing a letter (but don't mail it) to her saying all the things you would like to say. Write one for your ex friend as well. Don't water down the letters; say EXACTLY what you want to say. After you have finished, tear them up and throw them in the trash. You will be ABSOLUTELY AMAZED at the power of writing down your feelings and how this actually serves to RELEASE whatever you're feeling. Please don't disregard this. Try it. What do you have to lose? Trust me, if you do it just one time, you will do it again.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

first, if you think that she feels guilty, you had better think again. she is a professional victim. with that self-labeling, they can feel justified saying or doing anything. she is in wench mode. get used to it, Jim.

this is the woman that you really had. you did not have a princess, you had a wench. lol

as for venting stress, buy a plastic bat and beat the crap out of something every night at home. vent it all completely out. then, the next day at work, keep it formal. separate work from personal.

the longer that she is gone, the more that your head will clear to see what kind of woman that she really is.

playerapr 09/20/2011

((((HUGS)))) You have every right to be upset - 2 of the people you care most in the world betrayed you and on of that she says you ruined her life - you've been the bigger man by keeping her employed- have to agree with keegan, severance pay and let her go, you are no longer responsible for her, even when it would break your heart to do it. Keep your head up, better times will come!!!!

deleted_user 09/20/2011

Hi Jim
I used to hate my ex and his woman but not anymore because I found out that it hurt me too. To let go of the anger, I exercise and write journal..venting here really help me. Trust me! It will get better everyday.
Stay Strong..(((hug)))

patti22 09/20/2011

I cut down and chopped up a tree by hand in my yard to get rid of my anger.

Years later I'm glad for the things that I didn't say.

I started thinking of my words as cards in a poker game, and I didn't want to show them any faster than I had to. There's Power in NOT talking.

Hugs! And it's totally normal to feel the way you do.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

Get some one else to do it for you / when she comes into work. Take a day off. Go in the next day and breath easy. You dont need the stress Jim.

CopingJust 09/20/2011

Get rid of her as soon as you can. Her bills are now your ex friends problem - not yours. She has made that very very clear.

You're right to be angry - but vent here, not at her. The minute she sees that you're angry she will know that she is winning in a way.

I'm glad you're angry. You should be, and you need to be in order to start protecting yourself. You've been way too nice for way too long - to a person who has just been knowinlgy leading you on for her benefit.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

My advice is the same as before, and before that: fire her ass - you DON'T need her to survive. I have BEEN there, DONE that, I know what I am talking about. One day she will be gone, one way or another, and you will regroup and go on with your business, you will be successful and happy, and you will see that I am right :) That's my advice AND my prediction.

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