Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
3 years post divorce and we are still on bad terms. He calls and wants to pick up the kids that night, I relent. He emails that this coming weekend, he can't take the kids, I relent (am I suppose to tell my kids they can't stay with their own mother?). He refuses to let the kids participate in sports bc it interferes with his weekend time with them. He does not bring them back on time, most of the time with no regard to call or text that he is running late. Above all, he threatens to take me to court over these custody issues. I get so depressed thinking of how the kids can feel this negative energy and how they must be dying on the inside, not knowing why we do the things we do to each other. If I'm hurting, they must be hurting a million times more bc they love us both. I wish I could fix this.
I wish men like him didn't exist (not that he didn't exist)...they make such a bad image for the rest of us that do care.
1) He makes plans with the kids and then blows them off.
2) He chooses when he wants to pick them up with no regard to your schedule.
3) He refuses to let the kids play sports because it messes with HIS weekend time with them (which he doesn't always use).
4) He totally disrespects your timetable--he is constantly late
. . .and HE threatens to take YOU tocourt??!!
I'm slack jawed!!!!!
One thing I'm reading a lot in here is you saying, "I relent." Well, he is never going to stop doing these things if you continue to relent.
Stop giving in.
First, document everything. Every time he blows off a visit, arrives late, drops the kids off late, etc.
Second, when he calls and says, "I can't take the kids" you simply say, "I'm sorry. You'll have to. I have plans." and then stick to it. As long as you let him do this, he will do it. Now, will he bitch--yep. Throw a fit--yep. Call you a bad mom--yep. All guilt designed to get what he wants.
Third, if he continues to miss his weekend visitation time, enroll your kids in sports. Why should your children be deprived of a fun activity because dad is such a doofus? When he bitches, simply tell him, "You keeping missing visitation. Obviously your children aren't important to you. Why should they be deprived of fun activities when you fail to show up and be a parent?" Will he bitch--yep. Call you a bad mom--yep. Threaten to take you to court--yep. Don't back down.
Bottom line--court is really no threat. He is the one who is not honoring the visitation schedule.
Your last sentence says, "I wish I could fix this." You can--contact your attorney. You don't have to put up with this nonsense.
Granted you can't forge a relationship between your kids and their father, but you can do all you can legally to make sure he honors the visitation agreement. The rest is up to him.
If he refuses, it's his loss and eventually, the kids will see what a disappointment he is.
Sending hugs. Don't know how you folks with kids cope with all of this visitation stress. You deserve a medal.
Week one he gets overnight on MOnday
Week two he gets overnight on Saturday.
His schedule that he came up with. I offered him more time.. like the whole weekend rather than just Saturday night, but he didn't want it.
Now when it is his time he shows up 3-4 hours late and takes her straight to his parents and drops her off. He doesn't spend any more time with her than it takes for him to drive her there. On the Sunday he returns her 5-6 hours earlier that he is supposed to.
I wanted to get a second job for alt weekends but I can't because he doesn't follow his own schedule that HE came up with.
Mondays he gives her to his parents and takes off again.
What is the point of demanding time when he can't be bothered to spend any more time with her than the 30 minutes it takes to drive from my house to his parents' house.
I just keep a record of everything for now. I will hold on to it until he inevitably does something stupid.
And Green, like your situation, he insisted on this arrangement too and drops the kids off at his mom's a lot (some is for work, but half of it is not). I just started a new job at a retail store which means a lot of work on sundays now and will rely on him bringing the kids back late, not sure how that will go. Thank you all for your support, it means a lot.