Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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cmshinn 02/16/2012

I left my husband on11/20/11 - Lord knows the marraige was over. Not for me so much - more for him. He had treated me like crap. He belittled me - degraded me - he insulted me - he ingnored me - he ordered me. Please read past posts to see just how cruel he was.

So then, why does it hurt so freaking bad when you realized that only 21 days after you moved out - he had his new girlfriend over to your house - taking pictures like she had been there before. Then she posts them on of all places, freaking Facebook.

I thought that I had moved on from this pain. What the heck happen to me? Why am I bawling my eyes out? I am so upset I can barely stand to be in my own skin. I want out. I hate him for what he did to our marriage - but for some dumn reason, I still want him. Why do I do this to myself. Why can't I just remember all the mean things he did and said and feel sorry for his new girlfriend? I can partly answer that question. Since our separation, I have lost weight. Saturday we went to the accountants office to sign all of the tax forms. The next morning he called me @ 8:37am - made a point to let me know that he was still laying in bed and that he was thinking about just how good I looked. He had noticed all the weight I had lost. Was that just to give me a freaking glimmer of hope or was he laughing his butt off at me?

UGH UGH UGH UGH !!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deleted_user 02/16/2012

He an abusive asshole. More mind games to torture you. Don't let this bastard play with your head and emotions. And for Gods sake stay away from FB. Stop contact with him. You're just giving him opportunity. And feel sorry for that dumb woman who thinks once he doesn't have *you* to abuse, he won't do the same thing to her. A year from noow she'll be singing a different tune.

Stay focused and you and keep getting better. That's the only way to get an satisfaction.

deleted_user 02/16/2012

i am sorry that you are hurting. i can relate to your pain, as can most of us on here, pretty well. and its so hard.
21 days isnt really that long. 21 months isnt that long to me with something as difficult as divorce.

my recommendations would be to block him on FB - all that does is open up wounds for you. he is moving on with his life. you move on with yours as well. block him.
allow yourself to grieve. which you are.
if he texts you or calls you let it go to VM or ignore the texts. dont respond. call your VM and delete. especially if you dont have children together. there is no reason to listen to anything he is saying.
lastly - a glimmer of hope? this man treated you like complete ass and you are wondering if there is hope? he is a douche bag. ignore him. if you remove contact from him and focus on your life and stay really busy, go to counseling, etc. it will help. its not a cure all - but it will help.
best of luck to you. xoxo

cmshinn 02/16/2012

Funny things is, he didn't have a facebook page until last week. He was never interested in computers. This new woman must have opened him up to the idea. So when he opened his page and looked up our 13 year old daughter to "friend" her. He called me and cussed me out because her 1st account showed that she was 21 years old and his words "that means she is f***able. She no longer uses that page and we quite honestly had forgotten all about it. Then he noticed on her new "account" that she was in a relationship. Funny thing, these days kids relationships are mostlly based on "texting" each other. They can't really spend any time in school with each other. They don't have the time and the hall monitors do not permit it. Needless to say, he chewed my butt up one side and down the other. Ok, so the 1st page should have been deleted. And with in 5 mintues of the call, it was. As for the relationship. That little boy broke up with my daughter on of all days, Valentines day. Speaking of which, her father didn't call her until 9pm that night and never even mentioned "Happy V day" to her. But I can bet my last dollar, he had his fun with his new girlfriend and didn't forget her. As for Sunday, he had our daughter with him. So yes, I answered the phone just in case it was something to do with her. Blow my mind, it wasn't.

deleted_user 02/16/2012

OK. So. It takes a long time for your emotions to catch up with what you know to be logically true. Facts. Write them down on paper- what you KNOW for a fact to be true about him. Refer to it often.

Attempt to cut contact with him. I say attempt because I, personally, was a complete failure at the whole "no contact" thing until recently. WHY? Well, I'm weak. But it takes TIME for your heart to catch up with your head, and that sucks. So, do block what you can from him.

Check out the site "Baggage Reclaim" and read it over and over and over. There's a TON of useful information there. Trust me, you'll get sucked in. Print it off. Carry it around with you and read it over and over- that's what I did.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's horrible, but when someone shows you who they are: BELIEVE THEM!! His current woman will be in your shoes in a matter of time, and you will have hopefully moved to a new emotional level where you will feel bad for her, and NOTHING for him. xoxoxox Best of luck to you!!!

deleted_user 02/16/2012

I have been divorced for 7 years and it still hurts. I recently realized that the twenty years together were all a lie, lets just say my ex didn't really like women. So painful and makes me feel like I could kill. He also has turned my daughter away from me, she has totally alienated me. I don't give a crap about him but this thing with my daughter is bad. She has blocked me from even being able to text her. any way your pain is still so fresh, definatley try not to engage yourself in his behavior, easier said than done. Its good to share in support groups how you feel. Try to stay busy doing things you enjoy doing and be gratefull for all the good things in your life. Do Not let him drag you down, you deserve better. I tried the skinny, good housekepper, cook, good lover, etc and it all never made any difference except to think that there was something wrong with me and it took me to a very dark place, and feeling suicidal. When you have a negative thought don't dwell on it, change it immediatley to a positive one and pray, meditate and excercise. Keep your chin up, don't let anothers darkness drag you down, he won't change at least not now, its called DENIAL. God Bless.

vtguy 02/16/2012

I applaud you for having the courage to leave an abusive marriage! I am very sorry that your ex is handling the breakup in this way. My thought is that he needs to show you that you've made a mistake, you lost out on a good thing, and that he can be a good mate to someone - it would validate him. We all need that as people. And this is probably the only way he knows how to do it. I think it's helpful to understand where is coming from, and to realize it has nothing to do with you.

Be strong... All the reasons why you left are still there.

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