You are so right that it is time to change the control that anyone has over you.. I was in a controlling relationship for so many years, and it makes you doubt your own judgment, self worth, and ability to survive alone, but I am standing here today to tell you that I did it and you can do it. It won't be easy, it may not even be pretty, but You can win in this situation. It took me 19 years to walk away, 6 months to work on myself so that I could look in the mirror and smile, and a huge amount of encouragement from the Ds family for me to be able to understand that I have can stand on my own, with or without someone in it. that I am worthy of being shown love, and that I have something valuable to offer. Cry when you need too, take as tiny a step as you need too, and day by day, you will grow stronger. Work on yourself, Love your children, and begin to believe in yourself again, as I have.. It will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself and the people that you love.. Hugs to you, Kimmee

The pain will lessen, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will. Think of this as a "wound"..to the heart and soul. Wounds take time to heal. There are several stages of grief and gradually you will work through them all, it will take time. How long? There is no real "time line". I personally can tell you that, trying to "rush" the process doesn't work, but prolonging the process seems to happen quite often. Especially when we scratch at that wound and reopen it.

You are not a stranger, please don't feel like that.

The why is because most of us know EXACTLY how you feel. Doesn't matter how old you are, what color you are, what your occupation, how many kids you have.....we know the pain and have spent many sleepless nights typing out our grief on DS.

HUGS to you. I hope you find some solace.

You found the forum and made the post at the most appropriate time for you.
You aren't alone. We've all been thru this path, well most of us here.
I will tell you, I was where you are 10 months ago, and I have to tell you with faith, keeping your children near, you're going to survive this. As horrible as the present and recent past has been, you have to think long term and what outcomes will come your way. You have trememdous value and though you don't see it now, it's there. It is good to read the posts, it is good to vent here. See the recommendations page here also.
Seek counseling and an attorney if you've not done so already.
Check out www.divorcecare.org also.
It is a local life line similar to what you might see here, but with a plan to get you thru. We're here.
Do NOT be ashamed to grieve the loss. You didn't lose a thing, he did, and someday you'll realize that with your self worth and the love of your family and friends.
Please keep posting and/or reading other posts, you'll see a light at the end of the very long dark tunnel you're in now. I promise you it gets better. I am witness to that.

The fact that you can be as vulnerable as you are shows that you will get through this. Keep being open, sharing, asking fro support, reading, counseling and you will get through this. When I think back on where I was and the debilitating pain, I NEVER thought it would go away, but the people here on DS strengthened me, supported me, and told me time would heal. I could only have faith then because I couldn't believe, now I believe. You will find love, support, hugs, wisdom, understanding, compassion and caring here. Hugs to you.

you so beautifully from the heart. you share our thoughts that we feel too. you have nothing to be ashamed of. this isnt about you, its him. i felt like i had to wear a sign that said i failed at my marriage. but i dont. i succeeded in staying married to someone with many problems. you are strong and you have us to hear you as often as you will share.

What a beautiful soul I see shining thru. It has brought tears to my eyes just reading your story.My stbx made me to feel like nothing too.I now know being away from him that I am smart and pretty and strong(everything he said I wasn't).I am the winner and he has lost the best thing that ever happened to him.Hold your head high friend...you are loved!!!! and definately not a stranger.((((hugs)))) keep coming back...it works :)

We all come here looking for someone to reach out to, and to share our expeiances with. When you are with someone that lets you know you are worth nothing, and you really care for them, eventually you will strat to beieve it- DO NOT DO THAT TO YOURSELF!! For your sake and your children's sake, try and be strong. I know how hard that can be at times.
Eveyone comes into your life for a reason. You are either a teacher or the student, but if you give into the feeling that you are worht nothing, you are not helping yourself at all.
I know it is hard for anyone to say things without you feeling like they are just talking.
I was with someone for 6 years and he made me feel so insignificant and not worth a thing, it has been a year since we parted, and it is still hard for me some times to think that I AM worth something, but with time, you will build your confidance back and have friends that will show you that you are not "nothing" and you will eventually start to feel whole again and see that there is a world out there with people who care about YOU!
Just hang in there, and if you ever need to talk, we are all here for you.

Reply #21- Wow, how did u know about my "invisible sign" I feel like I have to wear? You, really do understand.
Reply #Reading your reply brought tears to MY eyes. I felt a sudden relief from knowing that you truly to care.
Reply #23- That is exactly how I felt when I first started reading replies to my post. I thought, "Ah, are being kind taking time to reply to my post." Now, I really do believe that it is not just kindness but it IS because you all care. So, now I am crying....Yet again, becuse I REALLY do feel like I am NOT "a stranger" anymore. You guys really DO know how and what I feel.
Okay, I gotta stop all this crying now. I can't be trying to look all cute with puffy eyes. (SMILE)

you are in the right place. hugs and prayers.

Shadow, I was a stranger here once. The people of DS opened their heart and their arms to me. I hated myself for believing in someone so completely and denying myself so many things so that he could suceed and prosper to then just turn his back on me and leave for another woman. Then he started treating me as if I was insignificant. I begun to doubt that he ever cared for me, which made me feel worse. BUT WITH THE HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT I FOUND HERE I have learned to forgive myself and realize I am not alone in my pain and disillusionment. Other have been where I am and worse. I am thankful that I accidently happened onto this site. I believe it save my sanity if not my very life.

As you've heard by many of the ppl here already, you are not alone, here we have either all gone thru something similar or still are. We've all felt worthless and unwanted and some of us (me included) still do.
We all come here for strength and compassion, we are also nearly all strangers, but we're not, we're all surviving and sharing and probably know more about each other here than we do many of the people that we see everyday.
Be strong, talk when you need/want to, we'll listen and we'll help. That's what it's all about here.

I'm glad you're here! I do the same thing you do, crying and falling apart at night when my son is asleep. The pain is horrendous and it seems to go on and on and on. I do know how you feel and wish I could be there to give you a big hug. There is no shame in grieving a loss, even if it doesn't seem like a loss to others. My husband treated me like dirt and I still mourn every single day. Love isn't something that you can shut off and on like a switch. Your feelings are normal and human. We'll help you through this hon. Lean on us. ((HUGS))

We all care because we know your pain. We have and are living it. We care because it is this caring that will see us all through. We need you and you need us.

Reply #29, Bert you know I liked reading that line: "you need us and we need you". I have felt like I was being "a burden" to others so I keep my sadness,fear, and shame locked inside. I needed to hear that I am needed and wanted here. I don't tell my Mama,family or friends how I truly feel. I feel I will burden them with the weight of my grieve and pain with them knowing there is nothing really they can do about it. Here it is very different. I read ya'll post and your feelings,fears,and grief are identical to mine.
Thank you all for your posts.