I'm new here.  Just needed to be with others that understand a bit of what I'm going through.  Each of our stories are different and the struggles are unique but it feels good to be understood.

Two weeks ago it was obvious something wasn't right with my husband, he seemed more distant than normal, and when asked what was going on, he tells me that he's decided that he's afraid of dying without accomplishing the things that he wants to do with his life (he's 52) and has determined that he cannot do them while married because his attention and focus is split.  He wants to leave.  During this conversation, I encourage him to follow-through with his voiced intentions to see a counselor and that I'm not giving up on our marriage.  I told him that nothing will get easier if he's on his own and it's just an excuse.  He didn't agree.

Last weekend, we discussed things again and it was obvious that he is not being deterred from his plan to leave and so we talk about the logistics of our apartment deposit and last month's rent.  He says that he knows he's breaking his promises and our vows but that I should understand how important this is for him to do if he's willing to break a promise.  

I cannot and will not force him to stay.  I've lived long enough to know when I have to let go of someone who does not want to be there.  Holding on to something that isn't mine only hurts me.  But, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that someone who married me 10 months ago can so easily walk away.

Understand that lived together for 2 years before we got married.  I vetted his family and former partners (his ex-wife was at our wedding with her husband), we saw a therapist together before getting married and was told that our relationship was solid and had great communication and emotional awareness.  This being my second marriage after 10 years, I wanted to be sure we were ready.  And, we were.  Friends often commented about how soul connected we were and such a complement to each other's personality.  

I feel so powerless.  

For the next few weeks, we are still living out of the same apartment but sleeping in separate rooms.  It's like a knife to my chest everytime I see him.  He seems to be treating me like he's sorry he's doing this but every moment we spend together reminds me that these are our last.  I want to hate him but I can't.  I love him.  I just don't know how to not feel like my heart is breaking open and scream at him everytime I see him.

I have a support system, though limited.  I know I'll be ok.  I've been through break ups before but I hate this.