Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
I have been separated for 3 months now. My husband moved out to his own apartment. There is nobody else for certain. I had a very difficult personality and got counseling and antidepressants right after initial separation. I continue with both. We have 2 kids, 11 and 8, and a beautiful home. He is a great dad and knows he is losing so much in terms of home. But, he says he doesn't have the right feelings for me and questions if he ever did. He is 47, I am 41 (stay at home mom). I always was a control freak and was somewhat verbally abusive. I pretty much squashed all the fun because of my own inner problems for years. He is angry, bitter, and done. I have recognized all my problems and most stem from a difficult childhood. I have accepted my past and want so badly to build a future with my husband who I love more than I can say. He does not want to be with me but yet he comes over and spends hours with us. We are still connected, I can feel it. We have gone to family gatherings, dinner, neighbor gatherings, etc.. But he is detached from me. What can I do? When we are together we get along but he basically said he "doesn't want to try" and that we have tried for years. I have not tried. I was oblivious to my behavior and never bonded right with his parents/siblings which was critical to him. I really feel that I have undergone a life changing breakthrough with counseling but he wont see any chance. He went to one counseling session the first week to just say tell her I am done. I am so scared and lost. He thinks the kids will be fine. They are ok right now because they think we are just taking time apart because of all the arguing but if this continues and we cannot do family stuff together they will be devastated. How do I convince him marriage is worth fighting for? Please please help me.
I have been separated for 3 months now. My husband moved out to his own apartment. There is nobody else for certain. I had a very difficult personality and got counseling and antidepressants right after initial separation. I continue with both. We have 2 kids, 11 and 8, and a beautiful home. He is a great dad and knows he is losing so much in terms of home. But, he says he doesn't have the right feelings for me and questions if he ever did. He is 47, I am 41 (stay at home mom). I always was a control freak and was somewhat verbally abusive. I pretty much squashed all the fun because of my own inner problems for years. He is angry, bitter, and done. I have recognized all my problems and most stem from a difficult childhood. I have accepted my past and want so badly to build a future with my husband who I love more than I can say. He does not want to be with me but yet he comes over and spends hours with us. We are still connected, I can feel it. We have gone to family gatherings, dinner, neighbor gatherings, etc.. But he is detached from me. What can I do? When we are together we get along but he basically said he "doesn't want to try" and that we have tried for years. I have not tried. I was oblivious to my behavior and never bonded right with his parents/siblings which was critical to him. I really feel that I have undergone a life changing breakthrough with counseling but he wont see any chance. He went to one counseling session the first week to just say tell her I am done. I am so scared and lost. He thinks the kids will be fine. They are ok right now because they think we are just taking time apart because of all the arguing but if this continues and we cannot do family stuff together they will be devastated. How do I convince him marriage is worth fighting for? Please please help me.
What you can do is continue to work on yourself. Make changes. Work to be the kind of person YOU want to be. And don't pressure your husband.
But at some point in the future, after you have tried everything, when you are ready to ask, you have to ask him for a definitive answer on whether or not he wants to try again. And if it is a DEFINITE NO, then you have no choice but to move on with your life and stop doing things together. You will have to restucture and rebuild your life without him in the picture. And try again at love, wiser for the experience you had with him.
It doesn't sound like your talking with him is going to get him to change his mind any time soon. I agree with the others. Show him by your actions and deeds that you have changed. It's nice that he still comes over an spends hours there. That gives you a chance show him that you have changed. I hope that is enough. I would like to see the two of you get back together. (((((Hugs)))))
My question is how can I facilitate us doing more together? I have been able to create opportunities like watching hockey with a neighbor and he joins in or going to my friend's New Year party. Kids were there but not really with the adults. I know he loves thosethings and doesn't want to lose that stuff. But I am part of that package. Ideas for nice things I can do? He is really a great easy going guy. I burned him out. I can't look at my kids without crying about what this is costing them. Please someone talk to me. I am going nuts.