Well the way it worked for me when my wife left, it sounds about the same as yours, the last thing on her mind was keeping the family together. I sat around for 8 months thinking it would pass. It was the most miserable 8 month's of my life. I was then left to get rid of all her stuff she didn't want sell the family home split the money, and start my new life. I had to file the divorce and do all the work. She would of done nothing, as far as the divorce she didn't care. I should of started my life over and got on with it much sooner.
hind dsight is 20/20. I can't think of a more miserable place to be than where you are at.
My Phychologist said the same thing your therapist did I just didn't want to hear it.
I am amazed at the number of marriages that end when the youngest is 18. It is the me generation. I was told it is not a spur of the moment thing, our spouses plan it 1, 2. 3 or even 5 years before, so it is no suprise to them just to us. Tom

Get on with your life,dont listen to the flimsy excuses that they try to dress up as rationasl reasoning,its only pure laziness that makes them so selfish

My husband did the same thing after 17 years. His line was that he needed to move out "for clarity." I waited and cried and did and felt all the things you are. He was very vague for 1 1/2 years--then said he had moved on with his life and wanted a divorce. So, all the time I was waiting for him, he was moving on emotionally.

I'm not as skeptical of the term "mid-life crisis" as some of the others are. I take it to mean he's all messed up and confused and acting like a baby and not honoring his adult commitments and is thinking only of himself and his own gratification and trying to feel like he's 20 again. If the shoe fits....

If you can get into couples counseling, that might help, but it didn't for me--by the time we did it, he had mentally moved on. His whole orientation has changed to him-him-him (his own happiness, like you said), not to us.

My husband did the same thing after 18 years. He said that it wasn't in his heart to come home. We have two boys (17&14) they also do not want anything to do with him. I cried and stayed in bed for 2mnths. I tried begging and pleading. I threw myself at him and debased myself for him. None of it worked. "Mid-life" crisis is what my therapist. Selfish ass is what I call it. They just want to live like they are 21 again. Well wouldn't we all. But most of us realize that we are adults and have responsibilities. I don't know why they are the ones that get to walk away scot free and we are the ones left holding the bag. Hang in there. I am on month 4 and at least I am out of bed. Baby steps. Thats all you can do.

Chrissy - take care of yourself and your children for now. As hard as it is just focus on you and keeping yourself ok. Divorce is a big step and only you will know if it will come to that. You need to get yourself stronger first and foremost.

You can do both, and I suggest you do. It sounds like you've made your marriage and family a top proirity in your life and now you're dealing with a litle "empty nest" syndrome. There is nothing inconsistant about getting on with your life, discovering your own interest and dreams with being open to savinge your marriage. You husband needs a little time and you need to give it to him, but get busy while he's thinking. If there really isn;t another woman involoved, and there usually is because people aren't motivated to leave relationships (usually but not always) unless something else is pulling them away.
Work on you. Try not to show your husband how deperate you really feel, because I think this would only drive him away more.
Are you working? You need to fill your days with something other than thoughts of him. Start thinking about YOU, if you start to have a relationship with yourself, you will be less incliined to look to him for your happiness. I am sorry you hurt. My husband just walked out on me one day without saying a word and I thought I'd die, but now, I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire. Trust in God. Discover the child in you and start to play in your life again. Take a yoga class, or cermanic class or foreign language. something. you use to have dreams and passions other than a man, rediscover PLAY in your life. You can do this. It will make you stronger and wiser. Do it girly!!!
Phoenix

Your Therapist encouraged you to get a Divorce???? That is unethical and bad advice. And I agree that "Midlife Crisis" is BS. It sort of has a validation message in it and there is no valid reason to abandon one's family. I agree with Thriver don't be to sure he's not dallying else where.....

I also agree you should get on with your life and focus on yourself and growth. Maybe a legal separation and then consider a divorce later. It has only been 7 weeks after all....

I vote for 'get on with your life'. I am also in agreement with not chasing him.
My stbx is definitely having a midlife crisis, he is 48, has a new love and new motorcycle (seriously --do-rag and all!!!) and really thinks he can do this stuff for a while and then drop back into family. WRONG! dip your wick in another vat of wax and bid this one farewell.
We are struggling financially while he lives leisurely, but I'm counting on a judge to be fair.
The best thing you can do for yourself is let him go.
I never even asked mine to stay, or come back, and it ticked him off hugely.

I am in a similar situation right now..and i say no divorce...if your heart is telling you that you want him then i would keep trying. my husband just told me after 4 years of marriage and a years following him around with the military, that he doesn't think we can be together. This is the hardest thing i have ever been through, im constantly feeling like im going to throw up or lose my mind at any minute. its horrible and i understand.

I am in a similar situation right now..and i say no divorce...if your heart is telling you that you want him then i would keep trying. my husband just told me after 4 years of marriage and a years following him around with the military, that he doesn't think we can be together. This is the hardest thing i have ever been through, im constantly feeling like im going to throw up or lose my mind at any minute. its horrible and i understand.

Some of the people here have had very similar experiences,myself included. You have to force your self to think of Yourself and your children now. That is really the only thing you have any control over anyway. Be strong. Be kind to yourself and patient--this will be hard but DS is here for you to lean on!

like others have said, boy this sounds familiar!! my stbx is pulling the same crap. he started it last year, but worse, he had an OW. they stopped seeing eachother and we attempted to repair our relationship (well, I did), but here we are again. he doesn't want to be married.

i think it is a midlife crisis, the one of, 'is this all there is to life?' for him. esp for someone (stbx) that isn't pro active in his life to make it the best it could be and looks for others/things to make him happy.

i know it's difficult, but please, do your best to pull up and out of your sadness. you might need some help from medication & a therapist for a while, but that's okay! think about things you and your kids want to do and DO THEM! take a vacation with them, join a gym, take a dance class, a class at your local university....do things for YOU! you will be amazed at how empowered you can feel.

most of all, know that what he's doing has nothing to do with YOU. it's all HIM and his cowardly, selfishness.

many blessings to you!!!

Give him his space he asked for, but get on with your life. If there is money issues, seek an attorney. Do what you want to do. Someone on here gave me a piece of advice, I will never forget....Living happy is the best revenge.

When my wife told me, "I need the summer off", I knew she was interested in just time alone to herself. DS is a fantastic site and the people in this group are amazing. Be strong and don't assume you know every detail of his life. When my wife and I sat down on the therapist's couch I was shocked about some of the things I never knew about after 16 years together. You will step up for your two children and find some strength in each other.
Let him be the one to realize that the grass isn't always greener. I never suspected my wife's extramarital relationship until someone else pointed it out to me. She hid it well from me and denied it for 17 months after the cat was out of the bag. We are still trying to assist our relationship but at this moment I do not feel it will ever truly be salvaged. Good luck.

My X also is goin through the "midlife crisis" thing. First came the convertible, then came the OW! (that's y it's spelled ow, cuz it hurts us!) In the midst of his on & off affair, he promised he wuzn't seein her anymore & wanted 2 work things out. I realized later it wuz jus guilt. I've been told if u kno somethins wrong in ur gut go w ur gut instinct. I felt things were wrong & I wuz right! Now he's w the OW! I also remember an old quote that says: U hav 2 luv urself b4 u can luv anyone else! It's tru! I am learning 2 luv myself for the 1st time in my life! Focus on urself now! U r priority #1!