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Husband in Mid-Life Crisis

Chrissy614
Chrissy614
After 23 years together my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and moved out stating he needed time and space. It's been 7 weeks now and I cannot pull myself together. I never saw this coming and our therapist states he's in a mid-life crisis. He's putting his happiness before mine and our kids. We have an 18 & 19 year old who now won't even talk to him. I want nothing more than to keep our family together and avoid divorce. When I asked him if he wanted a divorce he said, "all I know is that I'm not in any rush to come home". There is no other woman involved, he just feels he'd be happier alone. We did have a roller-coaster marriage but I never saw this coming. I am in deep dispair and depression. I have sobbed uncontrollably almost every day for 7 weeks. I am usually a strong person, but I cannot seem to bring myself out of this. I just want him to come home and I honestly don't know if he ever will. Even our therapist said I should seek a divorce because he's a long way away from coming home. Do I wait and see what happens or do I try to get on with my life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Get on with your life, because who knows when he will come around. I went through the same BS story from my stbx, and she moved out and was sleeping with other men within the first month. It is all about them, first and foremost! Look for what you want out of life, and if he comes around, it will be your decision to let him back into your new life you created for yourself. Keep the Faith
Thriver
Thriver
Don't be too sure there is no one else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
{{hugs}} I got that line recently. The best thing I can offer you is to NOT chase after him. It does no good at all but to give him power over you. Cry when you have to but try to be strong.
Dun4now
Dun4now
you are the only one who can answer this question, but we will be here to support you if and when you need us. I hope you can get some rest and find some peace. hugs to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I totally agree with doodah. It was a totally selfish move, and if he ever does realize that he's walked out on the best thing that ever happened to him, it's up to you to decide whether he firs in to your happiness. Mine moved out last weekend, after 17 years, same sort of "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Basically, he loves himself more than us (me and our 9-yr old angel girl genius--a bit biased, I know). Do what you know is right and tha best for you and your kids. {{{hugs}}}
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY
perhaps this is now your time, until otherwise noted. it's all about YOU now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Personally i intend to tell my stbx that she is not the only one to have a mid life crisis and should really get a grip on reality,my exact words will be,"get a grip on this,You are never coming back"Take the control of the situation and do what YOU want to do,nor what habit dictates
Mind you,my emotions are all over the place atm so i may be a sobbing wreck in an hour
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hmm - sorry, but I would bet there is someone else and he doesn't want to "hurt you" by telling you. Take care of yourself from here on out - it's going to be tough for you and for your kids. Speaking from experience - my marriage was 29 years and I had a 22 and 24 year old.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hugs to you hun! That was the same line my husband used when we decided to separate and I completely understand how you feel. Cry if you must. As you said you are a strong person under normal circumstances and I'm sure that will emerge again soon. Talk to the people here when it gets too overwhelming. I don't know how I would've survived without this wonderful site...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hugs to you hun! That was the same line my husband used when we decided to separate and I completely understand how you feel. Cry if you must. As you said you are a strong person under normal circumstances and I'm sure that will emerge again soon. Talk to the people here when it gets too overwhelming. I don't know how I would've survived without this wonderful site...
FrankTheGreat
FrankTheGreat
I'm sorry, but your therapist sounds . . . AWFUL.

What kind of therapist chalks up a person's behavior to "a mid-life crisis"? That's not an educated opinion. That's armchair, kitchen table, pop psychology.

And your therapist is telling you to get divorced? That's crazy. *NO THERAPIST SHOULD EVER TELL HIS/HER PATIENTS WHAT TO DO!* Their job is to help you come to your own decisions.

My advice? Get a new therapist.

Has your husband been screened for depression?
deleted_user
deleted_user
mine left on xmas eve after 33 yrs..he needed time and space..turns out the space was in another womans house..he walked straight outta here into her house to live with her..
deleted_user
deleted_user
i'll also add i think the *mid life crisis* thing is BS..its just another word for selfish fucktard
FrankTheGreat
FrankTheGreat
Which is why it doesn't sound like the advice of a competent, trained professional.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He isn't going to want to come back to someone who sits around and cries everyday over him. Get on with your life. Show him how strong you are and that you aren't going to wait around for him. If he then asks to come back, don't rush to take him back. Sit back and see if you want him back now that you've started focusing on yourself.