Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi there,
My wife and I are separating (through her request) but I just can't stop fighting. I can't stop thinking that I don't want this and she has said she doesn't either but too much has happened and she doesn't see a way back. I have been very accusatory towards her due to some of her behaviours and probably due to my anxieties about this other guy who has told her she has feelings for her and she has continued being "friends " with. I keep fixating that something has happened between them and find myself going down a rabbit hole and convincing myself it's happening. How can I stop these thoughts? How can I stop these accusations and just move on and let things be. If she ends up with him then so be it.
I'm just extremely lonely and can't really speak to anyone so I suppose I'm just looking for people in similar situations that I could almost connect with because I'm not sure anyone in my life truly understands .
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Are you two still living in the same apartment or house or has one of you moved out?
The anger is is something to really consider within yourself and seek mental health help if you need it, if that anger has plagued you all your life.
If this is situational anger, meaning it just cropped up with the separation and before that learning of her new love interest, then remember that. I would say it is normal to be angry at being dumped or rejected. But you can't let that anger become a ticking time bomb.
I want to suggest you get a pen, a spiral notebook, and journal your feelings every night. Do this every dang night. Write out how you feel, not paragraphs but listing the names of the feelings. If you can't name your feelings, google chart of feeling words. Today I felt angry, raged, sad, crying, lonely, mean. Or whatever you feel. Learn to list out and name your feelings. Then when you start to feel some kind of way, you can mentally name that feeling in the moment. Say you have a very difficult customer at work or say it is a work meeting that goes sour. So after that ends, you can remind yourself you feel X or Y and just sit with it. Don't bottle it up.
Then to help move things forward, every evening do the feeling words and then do 3 things that day you are grateful for. Gratitude is an attitude change and will help lift depression and anxiety because you will focus on the good you experienced that day not just the anger, the bad traffic, the awful customers, etc.
People on here do understand. I've been divorced due to my ex-husband drinking, using drugs, being controlling and abusive. In your case, your wife sounds like she is dangling the new relationship in your face to either make you jealous or be controlling or something. Your gut instinct is telling you it is more than she is telling you and maybe just sit with that. Journal about how that feels for you.
We stop our intrusive hurtful thoughts by doing such things as journaling, naming feelings, exercise, journaling, reading books, listening to helpful podcasts or audio books, etc. When the hurtful thought and rage starts up, do self-talk that is kind but calm yourself down. Be self-compassionate. No one likes being rejected, it hits deep down and our brains send out all these chemicals that can cause depression and anxiety. The brain is "hard-wired" to be in connection with other human beings. Also consider going to a divorce group so you will have some kind of human to human connection besides on here.
Come back and write about how you are doing.