Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello, I am new here and wanted to find some support to find a way to change how I feel.
I had a relationship for 5 years which resulted in having a baby boy who is special needs (chromosomal disorder and mild to moderate autism). During those 5 years, my partner and I devoted ourselves to the baby and I now come to realize we forgot one another as individuals, as a couple. The baby does take an incredible amount of time. I did think however, that it was just a rough patch and that together we would overcome the situation. I was wrong it seems. One day I came home from work, he was a stay at home dad at that moment (his choice and i had agreed), and he expressed that he was leaving. As soon as I come up the steps, he says he had lost himself, felt I didn't love him, he lost the love he had for me, he needed time. I felt my world had collapsed. I cried non stop and isolated myself from the "world". I just couldn't understand. What did I do wrong? What did I miss? What did I say? What is wrong with me?
He left in April 2015 ,3 weeks after we purchased our first home. 2 weeks later, I found he had a new girlfriend. Younger, college girl, long hair, different ethnicity, skinny, full of tattoos, etc.... We had it all, the kids, the dog, excellent jobs, cars, a new home. We both worked for it all. Then, I asked myself why. Why was i not enough. What does she have that I don't? How can I be like her so he comes back? For over 6-7 months now I have cried every day. I have lost 55 lbs. I lost my job. I can barely think or concentrate. I lost myself entirely. I just don't understand why. Since the day he left, he has texted me every single day, called me every single day. Not necessarily because of the kids but he says because he loves me and cares about me. When I don't reply to his texts, he gets mad. If i don't pick up the phone he sends me sad texts. So I held on. Since August he has expressed to me that he loves me dearly. He even planned to come home. But he needed more time with her. He just didn't want to hurt her. He didn't know how to break it off so week after week he asked for more time. I waited. I have been waiting. He stated once that he truly loved me but had feelings for her too. He wanted both females. And I loved him so much I waited. I didn't know how to let go.
Up until today, I don't know how to not have him in my life. I never saw it coming. I thought it was just a bad road but that with loyalty and commitment that everything was going to be ok. I met him and never saw my future without him again. Everything i do reminds me of him. The music i listen to reminds me of him. I don't know how to pick me up, how to have me back, how to love me again. I don't know how to wake up every morning and go to sleep without him. All this time and countless conversations with him about it and countless times he prefers her and protects her over me, i don't know how. He says he doesn't know how to not love me or care about me. He told me deserved better than him. He tells me not to worry about this other female, that she means nothing. But she has all his attention. I have never felt this low in my life. He was the best of me, my rock, my support, my best friend.
I feel I have begged for him to come back every day. I feel humiliated, I feel so emotionally broken that i don't have any more interest in anything I loved. I don't know how to be without him but deep inside i know he prefers her. He says the most beautiful things about me, to me and to everyone. That I am amazing, that I am the best professional and mother he has ever met, that i am so beautiful. But why? Why ? And I want to find me again, i don't know how to put my pieces together. I cry all the time still and always expect his text or call. It is drowning me and breaking me inside. When I ask him to stop it and just let it go and if he prefers her then to stay with her and let me be he says no. He can't be without me in his life as a woman and his son's mother. Then why? Why did he leave? What do I not have that she does? Why not help me let go of him since he is with her? Why love me so much but can't be without her? Why do I not feel anger? Everyday I ask myself why? Am i not that worthy? Why can't he value me? Why can't he see me? Everything I did, was for him and my boys. He was all I needed. And I want it to stop. I don't know how. I hate me like this. I just wanted my family back but reality is that he can't have both and one of us has to start that healing process. I want it to be me. But how?
I know this is a lot! But thank you for listening. Any advice would be just very much appreciated.
Love,
Cymyob1712
I had a relationship for 5 years which resulted in having a baby boy who is special needs (chromosomal disorder and mild to moderate autism). During those 5 years, my partner and I devoted ourselves to the baby and I now come to realize we forgot one another as individuals, as a couple. The baby does take an incredible amount of time. I did think however, that it was just a rough patch and that together we would overcome the situation. I was wrong it seems. One day I came home from work, he was a stay at home dad at that moment (his choice and i had agreed), and he expressed that he was leaving. As soon as I come up the steps, he says he had lost himself, felt I didn't love him, he lost the love he had for me, he needed time. I felt my world had collapsed. I cried non stop and isolated myself from the "world". I just couldn't understand. What did I do wrong? What did I miss? What did I say? What is wrong with me?
He left in April 2015 ,3 weeks after we purchased our first home. 2 weeks later, I found he had a new girlfriend. Younger, college girl, long hair, different ethnicity, skinny, full of tattoos, etc.... We had it all, the kids, the dog, excellent jobs, cars, a new home. We both worked for it all. Then, I asked myself why. Why was i not enough. What does she have that I don't? How can I be like her so he comes back? For over 6-7 months now I have cried every day. I have lost 55 lbs. I lost my job. I can barely think or concentrate. I lost myself entirely. I just don't understand why. Since the day he left, he has texted me every single day, called me every single day. Not necessarily because of the kids but he says because he loves me and cares about me. When I don't reply to his texts, he gets mad. If i don't pick up the phone he sends me sad texts. So I held on. Since August he has expressed to me that he loves me dearly. He even planned to come home. But he needed more time with her. He just didn't want to hurt her. He didn't know how to break it off so week after week he asked for more time. I waited. I have been waiting. He stated once that he truly loved me but had feelings for her too. He wanted both females. And I loved him so much I waited. I didn't know how to let go.
Up until today, I don't know how to not have him in my life. I never saw it coming. I thought it was just a bad road but that with loyalty and commitment that everything was going to be ok. I met him and never saw my future without him again. Everything i do reminds me of him. The music i listen to reminds me of him. I don't know how to pick me up, how to have me back, how to love me again. I don't know how to wake up every morning and go to sleep without him. All this time and countless conversations with him about it and countless times he prefers her and protects her over me, i don't know how. He says he doesn't know how to not love me or care about me. He told me deserved better than him. He tells me not to worry about this other female, that she means nothing. But she has all his attention. I have never felt this low in my life. He was the best of me, my rock, my support, my best friend.
I feel I have begged for him to come back every day. I feel humiliated, I feel so emotionally broken that i don't have any more interest in anything I loved. I don't know how to be without him but deep inside i know he prefers her. He says the most beautiful things about me, to me and to everyone. That I am amazing, that I am the best professional and mother he has ever met, that i am so beautiful. But why? Why ? And I want to find me again, i don't know how to put my pieces together. I cry all the time still and always expect his text or call. It is drowning me and breaking me inside. When I ask him to stop it and just let it go and if he prefers her then to stay with her and let me be he says no. He can't be without me in his life as a woman and his son's mother. Then why? Why did he leave? What do I not have that she does? Why not help me let go of him since he is with her? Why love me so much but can't be without her? Why do I not feel anger? Everyday I ask myself why? Am i not that worthy? Why can't he value me? Why can't he see me? Everything I did, was for him and my boys. He was all I needed. And I want it to stop. I don't know how. I hate me like this. I just wanted my family back but reality is that he can't have both and one of us has to start that healing process. I want it to be me. But how?
I know this is a lot! But thank you for listening. Any advice would be just very much appreciated.
Love,
Cymyob1712
I'm new to this group as I am just a week into separating with my wife. But everything I have read on this group so far tells me that you need to separate before you can start to heal. Maybe as long as you continue to give him the impression he can come back anytime, you can never be the real you. You can't really heal. the wound remains open. He is with someone else. A decent human being would not continue to give you hope while he continues his actions that cause you pain.
I hope you find relief soon.
http://breakuprecoveryguide.com/
Stop begging him to come back. I am here to tell you that with time, you will learn how to live without him- you already are, you're just clinging to the hope he'll come back to you and the kids.
You are a wonderful person who deserves to be treated better than this. He clearly started dating her before he was even out of the house. He wants to know he has you as a safety net if this new love doesn't work out. Is that what you want to be?
Stop answering his calls/texts. Who cares if he is mad or sad? Clearly, he doesn't care how you've been feeling for all of these last months!
Stop the contact and begin to heal. You can do it!
Please keep us posted- we are all here for you.
NO CONTACT with will get the craziness in your head he has caused to slow down so you can catch your breath and stand on your feet again.
And btw his choice to leave you and his child has nothing g to do with anything you did, he is just a selfidh, immature boy in my opinion. I sure hope that by you reaching out to this place gives you the daily strength you need to say good riddens to him.
Honey, get the locks changed and don't let him back in!!!! You should not be his option in case it doesn't work out with her!!!!
You deserve better than that. Get some self respect. You will be fine without him.....when you start loving yourself and taking care of you and your children......someone better and more deserving of you will come along.
Hold your head high and move on!
intead of asking yourself why he doesn't want you, you need to ask yourself why you want someone like this to be with you.why do you tolerate his behavior, why do you not believe you can take care of your child and yourself and find peace. At this point your tormenting yourself l while he is doing his own thing making himself happy. Your anger will come . You have to know that you don't deserve this , and he is not a man for what he is doing shows that. Be strong , take charge. And then watch things change.
Read the website Kenjb posted.
No contact.
You and your son deserve respect and you have to give it to yourself first and foremost. There is nothing to lose here - he has walked out. You owe him nothing. You owe it to yourself and your son to commit to healing.
You can do it.
I honestly feel so drained, exhausted, tired, weak from all of this. All while he enjoys living with his mother and dating someone new. He is 3 years younger than me, maybe I just didn't realize he used me to become a "man" and then onto the next real girl he wants. Who knows. I'm hurt and right now everything runs through my head. All day and night. I look forward to continue to share our stories and grow and learn on how to tackle this situation and growth to tackle the future.
Cymyon1712 :(
JESUS CHRIST!! REALLY??? Yeah just put YOUR life on hold while I bang my new partner...! Ugh! What a narcissistic piece of shit. You will be sooo much better off without this assmunch in your life. Cut him off and watch how he freaks. He isn't worth the dog shit on a shoe.
Plus kenjb47 posted http://breakuprecoveryguide.com/
I've been through that web site now and it has been very helpful. No contact is possible even with kids. The communication is simply the facts in order to do what is necessary for the kids.
I'm not sayin it's easy. Hell no. But I have found the advice here and on that web site extremely helpful this last week or so since my separation.
And you know what? My biggest question too, was "why." Why the f*ck. He didn't give me a good reason, and there was no logical reason I could think of. It killed me, truly.
I've come to realize the "why" is because my ex is a massive hypocrite. That's why. Anything he said he would go back on. Anything he did he would later change his mind about, and then change it back and so on. Including me. He broke up with me before and we got back together. So despite being promised it would never happen again, it did. Despite him saying I was perfect, saying he wanted to keep me forever, he changed his mind. So there literally is no logic to apply to the situation, and that at least I can comprehend.
I encourage you to cut contact. Stop the insanity so you can at least think without having him literally in your life constantly. He made a choice to cheat on you, and there are consequences for that choice. Like things can't be the way they were before. Like hurting you. Like probably destroying the relationship. This is the first step. It doesn't mean you'll never speak to him again, it just means it's time for YOUR healing to begin.
My best wishes to you during this hell.