I've never been through a divorce myself/ never been married, deep down because I've been running away from the pain you might be feeling right now. I do have some insight though when it comes to a relationship ending without complete closure. About a month ago my last relationship ended and it left a sour taste on my mouth. Many unanswered questions and the feeling of unsaid things from both parties still lingers. What I would recommend is working on accepting how things are. Acceptance is a big part of your new process. Reflect on things, of course, but also remember that she is her own person and might have different approaches and reactions to life's hurdles such as going through a divorce or separating from someone in general. As long as you know you did everything you could to either save the relationship, work on it or talk about it multiple times, yet your spouse was not very open to the process- That's when you know you've done all you could. We cannot control people or expect certain behavior just because we would do the same. We are all wired differently, but be content and find peace when it comes to knowing you did your best and walk away with your head held high. This is just the foundation you need to build before it fully hits you when alone and away from this person.

The truth is that you will need to cope with it one way or another: crying, writing, making art, listening to music, working out, read a book, etc. Tap into it as you go along this process. There's no way you'll find out the first day. You might be numb to the point you'll sit on the sofa and stare at the ceiling all day; let me tell you, that's also okay. What is not okay is finding a coping mechanism that has a negative impact on your health or wellbeing.

I'm sure you will have many questions you would like to get answers from, but as time goes by you need to make sure you begin to make peace with not having those answers. Another type of acceptance. Acceptance will be your new best bud during this time. "I don't know the answer to this and that's okay" We ended after X period of time, and that's okay" - every negative thought you might have, end it with "that's okay" and you will start to see things in a different light. It is a long process and I hope you understand that there will be ups and downs- embrace it all. It is crucial part of the healing process. Feel it and don't try to fight it. Also if it's a definite thing, do not beg or lose your dignity, but keep moving forward and take this time to meet yourself once again. You might be surprised to see how much you've change since starting that relationship till now that it has come to an end. It is painful, but it isn't the end of the world and you'll see that with time. Time heals, cliche but so true. Most importantly trust this process and never doubt yourself while going through it. You should be your biggest supporter right now and always.

Hugs,

F.

Hey destined;
Sorry- no other thing really to say... I am in a similar situation- I do not want separation/divorce... she does. My wife is also a “die on the hill” type... that is well said.
I don’t think I have the answers, but I can tell you, a couple of concrete “to do’s” that seemed to start helping me. Read books- realize you probably didn’t have that time before. Go outside for walks- and be aware of you. Breath big... there’s some great videos on breathing techniques. Meditate maybe? Keep a routine of self care stuff for you. I also had to allow myself to feel the feelings, be sad- it a damn sad time... but then set a time (like 15 minutes), and then MAKE yourself... call a family member, a friend, type out a message to me on this site- happy to be your friend here! Do something to take action.
I had to wrestle (HARD) with what would happen if I had the answers...and although this was really hard- like really hard- I am trying to realize that the answers don’t change the situation.... I can’t control her thoughts, nor her understanding (cause God knows, I don’t think she really understands). So, the bottom line is- if you have the answers, the closure, it may make it easier, it may make more sense- but the end result is still you gotta be strong- you gotta heal- you gotta deal with the reality that the relationship is ending-the outcome is the same.
It TOTALLY sucks- like that CANNOT be understated- I’m living it too- I know! I have to convince myself that what she “says or believes” isn’t my real feelings- she doesn’t understand- and she has to protect herself- and her wrong-doings more than she has the ability to care about me, or our relationship. That certainly doesn’t make it better... it makes it worse- but it’s reality. Maybe, kinda, a little bit... all the things you tried to do to help- all the emotions your feeling now- the hurt- is because your a good person...and that's a good thing, even as it hurts right now. I’m sorry your dealing with this- hell- I’m sorry I’m dealing with this.
I don’t know how, yet, but I simply HAVE TO have trust that somehow, somewhere, this will be o.k.
You will be o.k.- somehow, somewhere, sometime... I’m here to help- to listen- or whatever. Take care!