I'm sorry :(
I have lost my best friend too. Its harder for me when he calls and talks to me like nothing happened. It makes me feel like he doesn't care about what he is doing at all. We don't have children so I can't imagine how hard that must be for you and them.

Have you gone to counseling? I found that it has helped. At least I can go there and let out all the tears and frustration in a safe place. This might be really important since you have children in the house.

Maybe he would go to counseling with you? not necessarily to reconcile, but to work through this stuff so you can have a amicable relationship for your children.

hang in there! you are not alone!

Started going to counseling together and then he quit, I kept going by myself and when things started getting better I quit, Im thinking about going back, somebody to talk to without been judged. Thx for the support!!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I do think that it's a great idea to go back to counseling. Additionally, I'm wondering if there isn't some type of support group for family members of soldiers. It might offer you some insight into his behavior changes that could help.

Good luck to you. I hope it works out for the best.

We have a lot in common. 3 kids, together for a decade, husband living away for work (though not military). My husband also tells me he still wants to be friends. I have gone through those same thoughts about what could have changed and what I did to deserve what he was doing. Try to believe that it isn't because of you. I know it is so hard, but this is not you're fault; it is in his mind.

((((((hugs))))))

the
"lets still be friends"
sometimes seems like
"let me hang around so that I can STOMP on your heart"
but don't me mad, OK?

^^^^^
This, exactly.

You nailed it to the wall, Dave :)

Dave, you indeed nailed it! Whenever he calls or texts it's like 3 steps back when I've been 3 forward..

i am so sorry playerapr, i have the same thing happening to me after 15 yrs and 2 kids. he wants a divorce becasue he is not happy. i think what they don't get is that it's not US making them unhappy. they are not happy inside, with themselves and they think that leaving the people who love them most is going to help them somehhow>>>!? in my situation, all itdid was take the pressure of being a good husband off of him but dealing with my pian and the children's pain has made things even worse for him. i will keep you in my thoughts, this is not easy to go through and just remember that it's not you. i find it getting more and more difficult to be near him and talk to him, i am better off when he is not around (we still live together, we are inly 2+ weeks into this nightmare). try to detatch if you can, save yourself and your strength for your children. it is so hard, ((hugs)) i know.

As a former Desert Storm Veteran I can tell you that when you get deployed and have to deal with all the stuff that goes on over there, there is a possibility of coming back a different person, and it can go many different directions...some come back grateful that they have a family and they just made it alive to come back to the ones they love...and another extreme can be that they experienced so many graphic things that they become isolated, indifferent, pessemistic, complacent...

Those are two extremes and by no means am I speculating on your situation with your Husband. I am just throwing out considerations...

It is possible that your Husband has some things he has to work through personally...

You can do one of two things because we all have choices...

1. Be patient and stay friends, possibly once he works things out within himself he will aprreciate you and his kids and want to reconcile the family. ( Some people may say that there is no hope...I think that there is always hope).

2. With that being said, I don't write things to give false hope. Only you know all of the details. Only you know that it is truly over with no possible way to salvage. Only you know that extreme. There is no way there can be "no contact" because of your kids together, but it is up to you to move on at some point...

Who says you can not be friends? It is probably most beneficial to the kids that you stay friends...but it can not be best friends right now cause that is too confusing to both of you at this time.

My shiny nickel's worth...Good luck *hugs*

I lost my best friend after 25 years. They don't realize that our "family" has died. We need time to grieve. I've been grieving for 4 years and it is better, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had a life like he does. I've been to counseling, but find that talking with friends is actually more beneficial.

Within the first year of him leaving I found someone on this website that shared exactly the same situation as I have. She has been my best friend and confidant every since. Stick with this sight and vent, vent, vent.

I wish you luck. I can tell you that you need to distance yourself from him. Constant contact just brings up everything over and over again.

Thx everybody...it feels good to have some support and read other life experiences.
Lala2010 I completely agreed with you, he is unhappy within himself and he will probably still be unhappy even after been gone and not close to us. Its so hard cause he still calls and comes around.
Dave and anmllvr you guys so totally right...he stomps in my heart every time and when it seems Im moving forward I go back a few steps.

It sounds to me like he may have met someone else.

I am sorry you are hurting and that he abandoned you and the children.

Other than poor mental health, another woman is the motivator behind the breakup of a marriage.

I wish I could say words that will make you feel better. I know that you are in deep emotional pain. Only time will ease the wound.