when we are suddenly single, there are many things that pretty much have to be put aside. one of them is married friends. a newly single person has to make new single friends and move them up on their list of friends and move the married ones down the list.

likes have to hang with likes and it is a new ballgame now.

you will get used to this eventually. but, it is a gut-wrenching transition as we move one thing out and move another thing in.

just try to remember that being single is good too. whether single or partnered, we have lots of choices to make good lives.

I don't think I can move them down. As much as they are hard to talk about emotional stuff, they have always been there for me. I've known 3 of them for 12 or so years, and honestly I consider them my closest friends, and right now I need friends. Due to me being sick, getting out and meeting people poses a challenge for me.

Also, in another vein, do they deserve that? While my ex blames them for things, from like 8 years ago, I don't. They did what they could to help me through the very trying time in my wife when I was first dx with MG. So that alone, do they really deserve to be moved down on this list? Just because they are happy doesn't mean they are any less important to me.

I hope this makes sense. I'm a bit tired, so if that came off defensive, I'm sorry. I just don't think I can personally move them down a list. They are all I got.

in my life. Geez, brain is really fried tonight.

tesinato, only you know your situation and what is specifically best for you. but, generally speaking, there is a different lifestyle when a person is single versus married.

for married people who are suddenly single, it is not uncommon to be pushed away by married friends because they see you as a threat. there are many reasons but it is a basic like hangs with likes thing. it is normal human nature.

making new friendships that are good for us is an art form. i'm no good at it myself but in theory we should at least be trying to.

when people go through what we have gone through or are going through, no one really can relate to us unless their situation is similar. so, newly divorced friendships are good for us especially those in person who we can hang around with.

whatever your health problems are maybe there are others in a similar situation near you who you can make friends with. i just hope that you try to make new friends who have time for you.

being alone too much is bad for a person. women won't tolerate it like men will. we should learn from them to be more social and more open too.

home really sucks while we are grieving. so, just about anything out of the house has to be good.

good luck. i hope that you find some creative ways to maneuver through this hard time of yours.

I did what Faithful is suggesting, but I think it was easy for me for two specific reasons:

1. The married couples were "friends' of mine through my ex H because of work

2. They chose him, anyway.

I didn't have a looooong history, etc with any of them, well, not an emotional history, plus they all also chose the OW, at the time, who was another one of our "married friends".

My closest friends now are single, but but I also have "playdate" moms who are cool, and my kid likes their kids. I have a couple married friends, but they are women I work with, so work is what we have in common..not marriage.

Take your time...divorce touches a lot of aspects of life, but it's nothing you can't handle :) Hugs!

My therapist told me last night that she believes that you should start fresh and find a whole new set of friends.

I didn't agree a few months ago but I've learned that my husband and I still hang out with some of the same people, and for me that is a problem.

I don't need to see him at social events, I don't want to have dinner with a couple who then might have dinner with him the next day.

I also want to find new friends who don't know the married, dumped, depressed, emotional me that I've been for the last year.

I want people who only know the single mom, who's happy, outgoing and likes her life me.

Mom - I don't think I ever thought of it that way, but I completely agree with you.

I think when I gained my new set of friends, it was more so I hade lifelines, but also I ENJOY the idea of having this life completely independent of his in that regard. When I'm with my friends, it's because they love me and want to be with me; not because they feel obligated or feel sorry for me.

I never really had this happen to me. Throughout my entire marriage (25 years) and prior (when we were seperated by an ocean) I did most things alone, without him. He was a chef, and in the beginning of our marriage, was usually working when others played. Later in our marriage, he would never go out because he had a tendency to fall asleep VERY early, where ever we were, and he would become embarrassed. If I wanted to go out, I had to go alone.

I would think of it like this Tesinato. It's like playing golf. Everyone in the foursome is thinking of their own game, not yours. When out, I doubt if anyone is noticing that you are alone, and "different". I can understand you being lonely, but take this opportunity to be out and observing. You can learn a lot by sitting back and watching.

Tesinato, I can really relate to what you are describing. For me it's worst at work, where I am the only person here (other than one other person) who is not in a a happy, long-term, committed relationship. I already felt like the "odd one out" with them in some ways when I was married, and now it's only that much worse.

Of course I don't begrudge them talking about their spouses, but sometimes so much of the conversation revolves around that, that it's hard for me to relate. Plus, when I'm grieving for my lost marriage, it's sometimes hard to hear how their relationships are so wonderful and not feel sorry for myself. Maybe with time this will improve.

But luckily, outside of work I have some wonderful friends who are also divorced, and that helps so much! I think you can still keep the friends you have, but maybe also try to develop some frienships with single/divorced people, because it really does make a difference, IMO. It's not easy to make new friends and it takes time, but it's well worth it!

Take care, Tesinato!