Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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debbie7730 01/07/2017

So my unemployed ex has not contributed a penny to our child's care, since we split 7 months ago. During our marriage, he also never contributed a dime to her private schooling or expense. Because he won't get a job, he managed to squeeze every penny he could out of me and becuase we share custody, I don't get any child support. I basically have our daughter 6 out of 7 days of the week -- because she doesn't want to spend time with him. To make the story short, my retirement that I handed over to him ($50k) has finally come through and he's live the high life -- traveling and spending money on himself. He had $500 of camera equipment delivered to my house. I was floored, because during our marriage, the whole time I was making sacrifices to put our daughter through a private school, he was wracking up $40,000 of credit card debt on camera equipment for himself. Now that he has my retirement, I have asked him repeatedly for help for my daughter's expenses, but he refused. The divorce decree basically makes me pay for all of her schooling and healthcare in liu of giving him child support and allimony (since he has no money). Everything else, though, should be split and I have recieved no money from him for any of her daily expenses and activities. I was so incredibly angry that camera equipment showed up at my door. He's spending my hard earned retirement on himself and not his daughter. I took the packages inside and told him that I was not handing them over to him. I know I probably have to hand them over, but I was sooooooo mad. I have managed to get over all of my bitterness, but seeing him spend my retirement on himself, while I work and scrimp on every penny to do the right thing for my daughter, has bought back such anger. Help. . . I was doing better and no the rumination, anger, and distress has returned four-fold.

fakeblonde 01/07/2017

I would return the packages, that person no longer resides at that address, oops! Return to sender. 2 of my very good friends never received any child support, and all you can do is ensure you go through the D.A. to find out if he ever does get a job. Your daughter will see him for what he is eventually, my son did, and my ex always paid what the court said, never a penny more for anything else, but was lacking as a parent in a lot of other ways. When my current husband and I separated, I never filed because he never works and I didn't want to be forced to pay spousal support when I barely make ends meet half the time. Anyhoo, I would write emails saying everything I wanted and then just save it, never send it. I would change them, add to them, edit to fit whatever was my rant for the moment, and then hug my son and thank God for him everyday. I would remind myself that without my useless, cheating ex, I wouldn't habe my perfect child. So, f#% him, your money won't buy him happiness, and he'll have spent it all in no time. You go on a raise an awesome daughter and make your own happiness.

onedayatatimeforme 01/12/2017

Fakeblonde said it as it should be said. He is a looser a low life and the best thing you can do is remember you are better than him you are showing your daughter what a strong women is all about. stand your ground and stand tall.

Koko 01/13/2017

Omg this really sucks! I am in a similar situation where I may have to pay him support. I get anxiety every time I think about it. It is so unfair that he got to live here rent free, free food, vacations and now that he wants divorce he can take my money!?

debbie7730 01/13/2017

Koko, so sorry. It really sucked for me as well. My ex was a total mooch and he contributed and did nothing to help around the house, to care for our 8-year-old daughter, and to contribute to household expenses. I did everything and he walked away with a lot of my money. Unfortunately, the laws are set up to split everything equitably, which I understand, because there are a lot of stay at home moms and dads that contribute in effort if not money. Unfortunately, it also protects lazy spouses like my ex -- who though despite being unemployed -- still expected me to do everything. It was so unfair, but I keep having to remind myself that every penny I spent was worth being free of him.

Koko 01/13/2017

The only good thing about my situation is that my Stbx is a good father. He has taken my 8 and 4 year old to school every morning while I head to work and does pick them up and take them to activities as well. He continues to do that after he got an apartment and I hope it continues because the kids miss him.

But the financials part irks me. He worked but I never saw a dime because he said he was saving up to open a studio. I guess he can be a good father but a terrible husband.

And of course even though he asked for divorce I'm the one filing because I need to protect my assets and hopefully limit any maintenance fee I may have to pay him..... it will be 11 years of marriage in March.

jab27 01/13/2017

debbie7730 and Koko - I am in the same boat as you. I am the one that works and yet have to do everything for my 3 kids and around the house. My stbx is disabled but I found out that he still could work and get disability it is just limited. He would watch the kids if i was at work but it was more like a babysitter and he would not take them out and do things (unless there was something he wanted to do). He was not a stay at home Dad that was involved with his kids. He even referred to it as babysitting. Even the kids have said over the years how come you do everything while Dad watches tv or does nothing. All he could do is complain about what I "didnt" do and never appreciated all that I did for my family. I will probably get no child support or if I do will probably have to pay him so it will be a wash. It is very unfair when you work so hard but it is work it to be free of the bs and you will set a good example for your daughter. Try to focus your attention on the bright future ahead for you and your daughter. Hugs

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