you do have to tell the 6 yr old you're leaving....leaving out the ugly details....they'll probably find out about the cheating when they get older, but for now just explain you aren't getting along and have to move. It is so hard to face the kids. I cried with them and I did tell them who wanted this (he was really pissed about that, but I won't take the blame).

(((((((LLMT)))))) big hugs to you.

Giving you big hugs as well! My son was much older and had also been the subject of his dad's verbal abuse. His only question to me was why I didn't leave sooner.

Lynne

This sucks! You know that I don't have children, so I wont even attempt giving advice...just support. Love ya to pieces and am always here if/when you need me.

We did "the talk" with my 3 1/2 YO. We just made it clear how much we loved him and how sometimes Mommies and Daddies don't live with each other and that Mommy was moving out. We made it VERY clear how much we loved him and how good of a boy he was.

He sort of understood it and we really haven't had a problem yet, outside of the times when I try to discipline or give him medicine and he complains that he wants Mommy. And today, my STBX reported that he does the same thing to her when she does the same. I suspect this would have happened even if we were still happily married.

(((LLMT)))) You'll get through this. We're all here.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. My son was 10 and my daughter 6. It was a kind of pain the likes of which I know I will never experience again. Our marriage was finished, this I knew, but I never wanted to give up the ideeal of the family.

I was the one who left the house too. I gave upmy claim to the house because I did not want to uproot my children. If I didn't have children, I probably would have set it on fire and watched it burn in effigy.

I have continued to be as active in my kids lives as a Dad can be because it is the one thing I have always wanted to do right. I have made a few mistakes here and there but I remain steadfast in my comittment to my children.

It is that comittment that the children will see. No matter where you live or how much you do or don't have and I am learning this slowly and coming to accept is as the truth. Always be honest with them at their level of emotional development and always take the high road.

Being always positive, especially when you are feeling so hurt and sad can be one daunting task and there are times when you'll fake your way through. God knows I have had to do my share of that. In the end they will see that you are being a consistent and positive force in their life.

They will see the truth in time and do not need to be burdoned with adult problems. They have enough on their plate just being kids, trying to process all that is going on right now. Reassure them often...until they show signs of being confident that things are okay.

My kids are always missing the idea of our family, but at the same time, my ex and I have done a good job at putting them first in our lives and it shows in their demeanor, their academics and their socialization and interpersonal skills. Plus they are so damn polite!

Many blessings upon you and your boys. You are fortunate to have so great a gift in your life, and they are lucky to have their mother so squarely in their corner.

I don't have children, but I wanted to jump in here and tell you how very sorry I am that you have to go this honey. So very, very sorry.

(((long hug)))

It's hard, but don't offer more information than they can process.

Mommy and Daddy have chosen to live in other houses. We BOTH love you very much, we BOTH know you are important. United front for the children.

(((((LLMT)))))) The hardest conversation I have had was when I told the kids we were getting a divorce. Just reassure them that even though you will be moving to a new home, Mommy and Daddy love them very much. Try to keep routines consistent at both houses. Just be there for them. They are just as scared and confused as you. They get alot more than we give them credit for....even at six. big hugs to you. It breaks your heart to see them hurting. We'll help you pick up the pieces!

I wish we had handled telling our kids a lot better than we did.

Sylph that was such nice advice. Being active in their lives and committed to them. Thank you. Lim - the advice I have had is to say that both parents will always love them and be there for them, but they won't have to listen to the fighting. I don't know. I made a big effort to get new bed linen for them, make the place look fresh and pretty and to be a bit looser and more accommodating with their routine, but to still have one. I don't really know what else to say. Lots of love.

The others have it right. No details, lots of love for them because they have lost a familiar, and that both of you will still be in their lives although you live apart, and you will always love them.
Children do better when we do better so brave front for them. They need you now more than ever.. Never talk bad about the other parent in front of them, and just hug and hug and hug them.
{{{{Big hugs}}}}

You might feel weak, sick at the thought of telling them, but I would be willing that when it comes time to tell them, you'll be able to hide the pain cus mommies, (and daddies), have this additional strength inside when it comes to their children whether it is protecting them or dealing with situations that are very painful, like this. They always, or in most cases, show them the upside to each situation, the strength, emotions of care and concern that you take towards each thing you do in your life and that includes making decisions that are best for all involved, especially them. They will feel this and as they get older, they will know this because they had such a caring mom to show them.

*bear hug*

Many blessings and much strength your way

Be nice, but be truthful (to a limited degree).

Let them know that daddy made a choice. Because of his choice, this is the consequence. It's not that daddy doesn't love them... But, it's that just like all people... some people make bad mistakes. And, some people keep making the mistakes over and over.

Surprisingly, it is one concept that children do understand possibly better than adults. That is the concept of mistakes and consequences. They are in the learning, formative years right now. Mistakes and consequences are part of their life. And, being honest with them is not just a way to help them understand, and learn. And, it will help them to (hopefully) not make the same mistakes.

Children are amazing if you are honest. Dont' paint out any monsters... Just break it down into choices and consequences. Let them know they are loved. And, let them know that it isn't their fault, but due to the mistakes of others.

And, most of all... have faith in them...

I had the talk with our son a couple of years ago. He was scared that we'd have to all leave our house, no doubt. He was probably 7 then.

Now he's 9 and happily making pancakes for breakfast. He was scared that the world he knew was changing, but the most he cares about is being with us (there's A LOT of together time).

Kids are scared, but they're resilient. They'll be okay.

L, one thing you have to remember is that you don't really have to hide the pain. When stbx and I sat down with the Bean, we all cried. It IS painful and kids get that you're sad that things will have to change. The worst was when Bean said, "You guys just need to put your hearts into it." Try to think on your feet after that! Reassure them that you both love them as much as ever, and they'll see you getting stronger everyday just as they will be adjusting every day. There still will be days when you will be sad, and some when they will be sad...but that is bound to happen no matter what. And like Kimmeee said: hug and hug and hug them. P.S. They hug back, and that's the best!!