Start off slowly. Go at your pace and when you feel comfortable step it up a little more. Get to know them slowly and judge for yourself if they are the type of person you want in your life.

Oh my gosh I can so relate to you right now! I feel the same way. I have lost a lot of good friends during my time of marriage and now that I am single and going thru a divorce I don't have anyone to lean on!
I told my therapist that I can understand how moviestars feel when they say they are surrounded by people and still feel just as lonely as ever! I have over 50 names in my phone book and maybe I can call three of them to help me, but they live all out of town!! So that makes it even harder!

My therapist says I should take this time to learn self discovery and learn how to be alone. But like you I question why am I alone when I all I hear about is how fun I am to be around and how cool it is to hang out! It can be very confusing at times!

Right now I am just trying to keep busy, focusing on work, school, my health and my kids but my mind still wanders and I am easily distracted!

but if you need support I am told this is the place to be!!

I wish you happy times ahead and feel free to email me if you want to talk!
I could use a friend too!

I have found that the easiest way to get a freind is to be a freind. You are afraid to let get any closer to you maybe because you don't feel you really know them well enough. So get closer to them first then if you feel comfortable let them in slowly.

I'm in a similar boat. I feel 'rootless'. Since the separation & divorce the few local friends I had & my church have abandoned me. Even the leaders & participants I met in a divorce recovery workshop promised to 'be there' for me but haven't. It seems easy to make first connections. But the people I meet are only interested in one way friendships. They feel free to gripe about every little thing & expect me to be supportive & empathetic. But aren't willing to return the favor. I honestly don't share my pain w/many people as I was taught not to "air my dirty laundry." DS is the first place I feel like I can say how I really feel & be accepted & not be criticized. I have supportive friends & sisters in other states, but the immediate human contact is missing. Maybe we can support each other as we make our way thru this lonely time.

i went through the same thing myself. when the divorce became real and i nearly broke down, i had no choice but to reach out to those around me, or face debilitating depression.

i agree with joordens, the best way to get a friend is to be a friend. friendships are like marriage in many ways, it's not about leaning on the other person, but offering mutual support. maybe start by reaching out to the friends/family you already have, and grow from there.

I think it takes a really long time to become close to someone. It requires a certain amount of letting your guard down, not an easy thing to do.

I have lots of friends with whom I do certain things with - some I shop with, some I horseback ride with, some are 'school moms', others I go to the movies with. I count these women among my friends and I know I could count on them for certain things - like when I have surgery many of them will bring me dinners, visit me, give me a ride if my car is in the shop, etc. And I would do the same for them. I confide in some of these friends to a certain degree depending on how long I have known them, trust them, etc. NONE of these friends were aware of my martial problems prior to making our announcement but they were the 1st I told outside of my inner circle.

Then there is my 'inner circle', a handful of people (less than 6 probably) who knew about my failing marriage. These are people who are either relatives (like my mom or sister) or people I have known for many years (my best friend - known her for 11 yrs). I didn't get 'close' to any of them overnight. It takes a lot of back and forth, you confide something personal and then wait to see how they respond. Are they supportive, do they share similar thoughts, feelings and experiences with me? Can I trust them with my feelings? Through that process you slowly build a close relationship.

Because of time constraints, a lot of people are not able to sustain more than a handful of truly intimate relationships and, quite frankly, some people are just to 'me' oriented to develop deep friendships, so don't feel slighted if someone doesn't seem to want to get closer.

I agree with the advice from the others. Try to be a good friend to people, be supportive and go slow. Don't confide too quickly but get to know someone first - dip your little toe in the water so to speak. Try confiding something personal but not too important and see what kind of response you get. If it is positive give a little more information next time.

Mathew Kelly has a book (although I listened to it on CD) called 'The Seven Level of Intimacy'. It makes a lot of sense about how we interact with different people on different levels. He describes what is necessary to have a truly close relationship with someone. Good luck.

i agree take it slow,,i know its hard i,m finding it impossible to let people into my world but i will one day at a time

i agree take it slow,,i know its hard i,m finding it impossible to let people into my world but i will one day at a time