Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi All,
I know its been a while since I have been on, but here I am again asking for guidance and support, oh and PRAYERS!
Most of you know my story. Most of you know how I feel about the GF. I dont like the word "hate", because Im really not like that, but that is the way I feel about her.
She is smug and snotty, and just thinks she is all that and more.
Well, I heard thru the grapevine last week that she is pregnant. Not two months ago, I had a conversation with the x about how she is desperate to have a baby. I warned him she was going to get pregnant and trap him. Of course, he didnt believe me and told me she wouldnt do that!
He has not told me, and honestly, I dont think he would be the one to tell me. I bet he will let the kids tell me. He does not want to come to me with his tail between his legs telling me I was right!
So, why does this bother me? A couple of reasons. First, he does not need this. He cannot afford another child. He cannot even afford the two we have. This will destroy him, and his family. His parents arent well, and he already owes them and the rest of his brothers and sisters money. Plus, we are Catholic. I know, in this day and age, what does that matter? Well, it does. He has told me time and time again that he does not want any more children and that he will never marry again.
Then that brings me to my children. If they dont get married, what kind of message will this be sending my children? They go to a Catholic school for Petes sake! Also, what will this do to them? I firmly believe once this child is born, she will put her foot down and my children will be sent off in the wind.
(And she has nerve telling me I ruined everyones life!!)
On the other hand, Im shaking my head in disbelief and laughing at the situation. What an ass! I know this is not my problem but I cant help worrying about him and my kids.
I still care about him, and this is just not a good thing. She did it on purpose, I know she did.
Of course, the other reason I hate this is because now she will be even more smug and think she is right. I know better, tho. She will be in the poor house and be miserable soon!
They dont know I know. I figured it out when my little girl came home from daddys and told me the GF quit smoking and drinking! I know she told my daughter so my daughter would come tell me. The GF is like that. I know the GF is DYING to tell me. The only thing I know is this child was not made out of love, it was made out of deciet. (sp)
The best part is that I already know. They dont know I know, but when the truth comes out, I will be prepared for this news.
Lets hope its not true. A child is a beautiful gift from God, I believe this, but not in this situation. Not when a woman does it to trap a man.
Pray please, and send me good mojo. Send me good advice and good karma. Last week when I heard, I was PMSing! NOT GOOD! Emotions were flying all over the place!
Im settling down some, but still need you all.
Thanks
I know its been a while since I have been on, but here I am again asking for guidance and support, oh and PRAYERS!
Most of you know my story. Most of you know how I feel about the GF. I dont like the word "hate", because Im really not like that, but that is the way I feel about her.
She is smug and snotty, and just thinks she is all that and more.
Well, I heard thru the grapevine last week that she is pregnant. Not two months ago, I had a conversation with the x about how she is desperate to have a baby. I warned him she was going to get pregnant and trap him. Of course, he didnt believe me and told me she wouldnt do that!
He has not told me, and honestly, I dont think he would be the one to tell me. I bet he will let the kids tell me. He does not want to come to me with his tail between his legs telling me I was right!
So, why does this bother me? A couple of reasons. First, he does not need this. He cannot afford another child. He cannot even afford the two we have. This will destroy him, and his family. His parents arent well, and he already owes them and the rest of his brothers and sisters money. Plus, we are Catholic. I know, in this day and age, what does that matter? Well, it does. He has told me time and time again that he does not want any more children and that he will never marry again.
Then that brings me to my children. If they dont get married, what kind of message will this be sending my children? They go to a Catholic school for Petes sake! Also, what will this do to them? I firmly believe once this child is born, she will put her foot down and my children will be sent off in the wind.
(And she has nerve telling me I ruined everyones life!!)
On the other hand, Im shaking my head in disbelief and laughing at the situation. What an ass! I know this is not my problem but I cant help worrying about him and my kids.
I still care about him, and this is just not a good thing. She did it on purpose, I know she did.
Of course, the other reason I hate this is because now she will be even more smug and think she is right. I know better, tho. She will be in the poor house and be miserable soon!
They dont know I know. I figured it out when my little girl came home from daddys and told me the GF quit smoking and drinking! I know she told my daughter so my daughter would come tell me. The GF is like that. I know the GF is DYING to tell me. The only thing I know is this child was not made out of love, it was made out of deciet. (sp)
The best part is that I already know. They dont know I know, but when the truth comes out, I will be prepared for this news.
Lets hope its not true. A child is a beautiful gift from God, I believe this, but not in this situation. Not when a woman does it to trap a man.
Pray please, and send me good mojo. Send me good advice and good karma. Last week when I heard, I was PMSing! NOT GOOD! Emotions were flying all over the place!
Im settling down some, but still need you all.
Thanks
I was hurt beyond words (see my old journal about it if you want details), but I also felt sorry for the baby. It too was conceived by two liars and deceivers--what kind of parents would they be? What kind of morals would this child learn?
I also think that ow got pregnant on purpose to "trap" ex--he had cheated on her with someone else and I think she used this to trap him. As far as that goes, I consider that his problem.
As far as being Catholic, your children will learn their morals from you and the church. And your children will not be punished for the sins of their dad. Stay calm about that.
If the ow eventually pushes your kids aside and your ex allows this, then that shows the true measure of the man he is. Your kids will be better off without him.
Stay calm, breathe! Journal about this--make sure you know where your anger is coming from (ie: are you angry there is a baby or angry that SHE is having the baby?--big difference).
PM me if you need to vent more or want to talk. I've been down this road.
Hugs!!!
Im still very angry at both of them...but her more than he. She knew she was dealing with a married man for "a few weeks" its sickening. So very sad. He so kindly paid for abortion *puke* because he didnt want to get caught or be responsible.
Remember that the truth ALWAYS comes to light...no matter what...it will always surface.
Keep taking good care of you and your babies. They will find the truth, the right way in you and their religious upbringing. Im Catholic too and raising my child as such, so I know how you feel inthis regard. You are doing a fantastic job in raising them the right way and they will know the difference between right and wrong..and probably already do.
I wish there were something I could say that would take that ultimate betrayal away from you...but I certainly can empathize. PM me if you ever need to talk.
Hang in there. Im sending so super healing hugs your way and wish you the best!
Your post screams that you still care A LOT about your X.
My focus, if I were me, which I am, would be strictly on your children, for if she's as evil as you paint her (I TOTALLY get this, as I have lived it), she will even have less to do with your children then she does now, there will be blatant favoritism, and so on and so forth. I am not sure how, but you need to work on protecting your children from this, maybe have a talk with the X after he feels like coming clean.
My 3.5 cents ;)
-Tom
Why are you focusing on his relationship and not yours?
Your children will get what they need as far as child support I believe, because that is a decision of the court, not your ex. If he chooses to not be in their lives in any other capacity, then that is his cross to bear, not yours.
Do you expect your ex to never have another relationship? If so, have you REALLY accepted that yours with him is over?
How should we interpret this entry in your profile? "I left my husband over a year ago because of emotional and financial stress." This sounds like you left him due to stress. Is that the only reason you left?
From what I heard in DivoraceCare, this is not in line with Christian teachings unless you have tried reconciliation activities and have failed at the attempts. I am sure that I don't have the big picture.
What lesson did you send to your children? How did you explain your departure?
This does not justify his behaviour.
Unfortunately for all the children there may be one more dependent to share in the support payments, if any.
Best wishes for peace for you and your children.
RR99
I DO still care about my x. I always will. He is an ass, but he is still the father of my children and always will be.
I care because that is who I am. I probably shouldnt care, but I do, because I know this will not be a good thing for the x or my children.
My reasons for leaving him are many. I know why I left and I do not need to justify them to anyone but my children. And I will do that when the time is right, when they are old enough to understand.
I just am scared for what my children will go thru if this prengnancy is for real. That is my main concern.
Thank you all for your advice.
What can you do about it? Nothing
As I told you the other night, this is his cross to bear. Once you left him you made the decision that you would live separate lives and you no longer wanted to be responsible for his misdeeds. You have mored on and so has he. Your kids will be fine. They will learn to adjust to lifes changes. Talk to him and let him know that you are worried that your kids will lose him. Let him know that your kids still matter and still need him. If he is a man he will have room in his heart for all of his kids.
You are taking this harder than I would have expected and I believe you still have feelings for him. How else would you explain your state of mind now? If she tricked him then he allowed himself to be tricked. You're blaming her for getting pregnant..well she didn't get herself pregnant. How could he allow himself to be tricked? If he layed down with her he left himself open for the "trickery". In this case he could be surprised but not tricked. Tricked is when he never layed with her but the baby is still his...not that's some hocus pocus stuff. If he can't afford child support that's his problem not yours not your kids'. He is the one who has to find a way to make it work.
Die-Die ((((love you)))) your kids are the product of divorce. I'm not Catholic but I'm sure there's a lot going on in you guys' lives that is not up to par in the religion. You can't just pick this transgression and make it detremental to their learning and religion.
On the other hand I do understand how and why this would hurt you. It hurts you because he was your husband and you loved him once. That's a good enough reason; it's ok.
There really isn't anything you can "do" about the situation. Love your children and let him deal with the fallout.
There's nothing wrong with caring for another person, especially when he's the father of your children. To want good things for him is in a way wanting good things for your children. The better off he is the better off they will be. I get that, I want good things for my ex as she's the mother of my children.
Lynne