Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rose77 10/25/2012

I have not been on in a very long time. Things have been pretty good,but I am now finding myself back in a place where I am depending on someone else for my happiness. I'm finally at a place where I found someone who I really like, someone who I want to be with and who makes me forget my ex. Problem is that he is a friend and I don't know how to find out if he think of me the way I think of him. I don't want to blow the friendship we are both friends with the people in our group and that could complicate things if I mess it up. I really like him so much he makes me so happy. What should I do? I don't want to be the stalker chick that makes him scared. He has already said he is very comfortable with me and talk a lot when we are together which is always with other people. I am finally at a place where I don't care about my ex as I said, but want to know if anyone has advice on how to move forward with this.

deleted_user 10/25/2012

i think that you should leave him alone. we really are not ready to date until we are happy inside. otherwise, we drain energy from the person that we cling to and that is wrong to do.

gem111 10/25/2012

I think that is a tough question. Is he old fashioned?? I am definitely NOT asking that in a bad way. I am just asking myself if he would appreciate being the 1st one to make a move, or would he appreciate it if you made the first move? I really don't know how to answer you except to just do what your doing and play it by ear for awhile longer and see how it goes. I wouldn't want to mess things up either so I would be hesitating as you are.
Good luck

deleted_user 10/25/2012

It is a red flag when you say you're depending on someone else for your happiness. We truly need to be ok and right with ourselves, or we can't ever be right for someone else. It's not fair to either party.

rose77 10/25/2012

I don't know if I am so much depending on him for my happiness as I am happy knowing he might care. Is that the same thing? It is just so refreshing to have someone in my life that actually listens and remembers what I say. My ex never did. I use to have to actually say period to show him I was done with my sentence. This guy asks me how I am doing and remembers what I tell him and my story's. I guess because its so nice to have someone in my life that actually listens to me is so great. But I am afraid because if he only thinks of me as as friend I am in for some big let down. Since this is the first guy I even consider wanting in my life since the divorce its hard to not want it so badly.

deleted_user 10/26/2012

Rose - what you said makes sense and no, it doesn't sound like you're depended on him for happiness. Thanks for clearing that up :)

My X was like your X. I didn't say "period" but he told me I had a five minute cap, and literally would shut down anything I was saying after five. Of course. I couldn't show I cared enough about his boring ass job, or friends, or anything else he jabbered on about, but I had a five minute window of time.

Finding someone you're willing to be interested in after heartbreak is fun, challenging, exciting, and scary as hell. Take happiness in that you were/are willing to be willing...willing to invest time, willing to let your guard down, and willing to trust. Every little bit is a sign of progress.

I would stay friends with him...mixing friends with romance can be sucky. If you go out, and then it fails, it will definitely be awkward during get togethers. If he stays your friend, then that's awesome...a good, decent guy friend is a great thing for a girl to have.

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