Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jojored 07/14/2016

Just wondering how many people have experiences where their stbx is NOT paying temporary maintenance, as has been agreed upon by the lawyers?

We had a joint meeting at his lawyer's office on Monday, and when I left, my lawyer indicated that things were settled, and that he should be putting money into our joint account by the end of that day. Well, it's three days later and there's nothing there. I don't expect anything to happen in the next 3 days either. He will just do what he wants when he wants, screw any orders.

With my part time income, there's not enough in the account right now to pay the rest of the month's bills - the cable bill (tv is his addiction) or to pay the $251 minimum on the joint credit card that he solely uses. Never mind a wedding check I wanted to give my neice for her wedding this Saturday.

Of course I will tell my lawyer, but I'm wondering what other people's experiences are. By the way, his lawyer is fed up with him, so stbx I'm sure feels persecuted and the victim, as always.

jojored 07/16/2016

It must be that they think the law doesn't apply to them. Or maybe they know the law is so slow to respond to these cases, that they do indeed get away with it. IDK. I did realize through wording of an email from my lawyer that the temporary order wasn't fully signed, or whatever. I haven't seen it. His lawyer hightailed it out of town for vacation, I think right after our meeting, and has not responded to any of my lawyer's messages. So stbx is learning that he can withhold payments, and can get away with it. As each day goes on, I'm less and less inclined to go easy on him. I kept telling my lawyer that I didn't want him to have to sell the new house, that the kids probably won't want to stay with him in a rental - some house they have no connection to (kids are older) and that worried me about his future relationship with them. Starting to care less and less about him and his needs and what he wants or needs. Maybe it's the enabler in me slowly dying. I hope so, because that's a bad part of me which has been my own worse enemy. Yikes.

patti22 07/16/2016

I think that your lawyer is misleading you in how fast the courts are going to expect him to comply. 2-3 business days to review legal documents is standard...especially if the four of you just sat down and hashed it out. If you want something that's legally binding...you WANT him to have time to review and think about what he's signing. Even more, you want his lawyer to suggest changes and for it to go back and forth a few times.

jojored 07/16/2016

Oh. I'm thinking now that my lawyer has the expectation that stbx will do what's right, which in her mind is to move things along and get an expeditious end to this. I'll make sure she's more precise with me, and speaks in terms of legal timeframes, not what she wants. She's a mediator as well, and I think that part of her will serve me well in hashing out details and going back and forth, but I do have a concern that she's too nice in terms of thinking that people will honor their word to her. Not sure.. I have a running list of questions I'll email to her tomorrow night. I wanted to use this weekend to gather my papers and thoughts so I don't miss anything. This is Question #5 for her. Thanks Patti.

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