Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Divorce has been final since August - my daughter and I moved out in December of 2008. My ex was emotionally abusive to my daughter when I wasn't around. Calling her names - screaming at her, etc - basically making her feel completely worthless. (she's 14 now, 12 when we left). I caught her cutting herself and she finally confessed it all to me. She thought I wouldn't believe her. She's been in counseling and was on anti-depressants for a while but has since been taken off of them. My ex has seen her 5 times since we left, a couple of those times was only for a couple hours. The last time she saw him was the weekend before Christmas and she ended up coming home early because they were not getting along and he was doing a lot of yelling.
I've encouraged her in the past to try to talk to him but she tells me all he wants to talk about is himself - his job and his new life - I've tried to tell him he needs to be involved with her life and ask questions about what's going on with her, but he doesn't really do that and she feels like he doesn't care about her.
He hadn't even tried to call her after that last weekend before Christmas until about a week ago. He texted her to say he got a new job. Now he's calling me to tell her to text or call him because she won't answer his texts. I feel like it's really up to him to fix his relationship with her. I don't talk bad about him, but she's lived through enough bad with him and she's old enough to know what's going on.
At what point can I just tell him that it's up to him to fix this with her? Her therapist says it's really up to her to decide if and when she wants a relationship with him and i tend to agree, but then he's calling me to fix it....
What do you all think?
I've encouraged her in the past to try to talk to him but she tells me all he wants to talk about is himself - his job and his new life - I've tried to tell him he needs to be involved with her life and ask questions about what's going on with her, but he doesn't really do that and she feels like he doesn't care about her.
He hadn't even tried to call her after that last weekend before Christmas until about a week ago. He texted her to say he got a new job. Now he's calling me to tell her to text or call him because she won't answer his texts. I feel like it's really up to him to fix his relationship with her. I don't talk bad about him, but she's lived through enough bad with him and she's old enough to know what's going on.
At what point can I just tell him that it's up to him to fix this with her? Her therapist says it's really up to her to decide if and when she wants a relationship with him and i tend to agree, but then he's calling me to fix it....
What do you all think?
At this point you know he will only contact her if he has something to share. He is likely not going to check in to see how she is doing. If he gets what he wants from her, than he won't call you you.Maybe. Good Luck
Dad's way too self-involved to get any of this, but you sure can try. Good luck. And big hugs to your daughter. I'm glad you got her away from that. It's the best thing you could ever have done for her.
Good luck
((((hugs)))
Lynne