Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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lonelygal27 01/22/2010

My boyfriend just stopped communicating about 7 months back without giving me a reason, we have had minimal contact since then and i asked him if he wanted to break off he should tell me clearly which he does not say that either.
In fact about 2 months ago i did manage to contact him(over chat) and asked him for a closure if he wanted to move on, a small conversation on phone and I respected whatever his decision was and wanted to part as friends (failing that, on a good note so we could at least say hello if we met - there are chances of meeting).
He told me he did not want a closure and loved me and would call me the next day but never did.
Since then he has totally disappeared and is avoiding me - did not respond to my emails and did not pick my calls (it is not that i am stalking him). I heard he is back with his kids (and ex i presume) via common friends.
I have never pressurized him or put demands on him, in fact have been more giving.
It has been a very very deep relationship we have known each other since we were small kids, been best friends 15 and in love 4 years (it has been a long distance relationship).
Actions speak louder than words and I think he has gone from my life but I am unable to find closure without an honest conversation.

deleted_user 01/22/2010

I can really relate to a lot of what you describe. My ex would avoid me, but wouldn't exactly break it off either. He'd say he'd call or write, and then never would etc. etc. We were on and off for a couple years, and each time things would end he would deal with it that way. It sucked, since like you, all i wanted was closure! A normal adult conversation! Unfortunately i had to realize i was never going to get that from him. I'm sorry to say....you may not get that either. All you can do is move on and concentrate on yourself. Believe me, i know how hard that can be, but it's possible.

deleted_user 01/23/2010

I just went through something like this with a guy I was briefly seeing. All he did was talk smack about his X and told me how grateful he was to have found me and have me in his life. He went as far as to tell me he loved me but I stopped him (we were only 'dating' and I use that word loosely because it was a distance relationship too for about a couple of months) and then all of a sudden he stopped responding to my texts and calls and then a couple of weeks later he told me that he actually went back to his X (and that relationship epically failed AGAIN - big surprise!). I tried to maintain a friendship with him (because he is a recovering drug and alcohol addict and doesn't have many people to talk to that are supportive) and he kinda disappeared again. Whatever.

I would take his avoidance and lack of response as your closure. Move on. You deserve to be treated with respect and obviously he's not respecting you by how he is treating you.

deleted_user 01/23/2010

from what I understand sometimes closure just isn't possible with certain people and or certain types of people. So coming to terms with that becomes it's own type of closure in its self

lycesq 01/23/2010

I agree with SuperCrouton - closure is not always possible but moving on is. i wish you all the best in the journey and please keep in touch.

Lynne

deleted_user 01/23/2010

Sometimes the only closure we have is our own.

We do not all get the answers we are seeking, and I guess I believe now, sometimes there are no answers. You make the choice to move forward and count the blessings you have.

deleted_user 01/23/2010

Closure is the most important thing. Until then you can't move on. Do your best to get it.

deleted_user 01/23/2010

For me, and I suspect most other people, its not a choice as much as its a process.

Some doors swing very slowly.

meddle 01/23/2010

Opinion - it depends on YOU. Closure for some a must, a type of letting go, no longer chasing the tail. Avoiding you, maybe you shouldn't seek that final conversation - what's gone is gone. Think I'd put a nail and board on that door... good luck...

deleted_user 01/23/2010

Careful what you ask for.

Let me tell you... the closure I'm getting right now at this very moment is not worth it.

Not at all.

I'd prefer to have remained clueless and moved on.

deleted_user 01/23/2010

You may have to take the clue that no response is the response. One way you can take action is to text or leave a message that says "If you don't respond by X date, then we're through". Though, I think we both know what his answer will be, at least you can have a specific date to aim for starting the healing process.

This is similiar to what I did with my ex. I said you have to make up your mind about our relationship in a month. Of course he did nothing about it really, and was like "I don't know". So, after more more than 2 1/2 years, and both of us in our mid/late 30s --- I needed to go.

lonelygal27 01/23/2010

I actually did so.... said it was over
the difference in the way men and women think i guess.
but the relationship lives on in my mind... not sure when i will be free
it is a part of me .. he is a part of me.

Anyse 01/23/2010

Give it up and let him go! This is the best closure you can have.

deleted_user 01/23/2010

I think you need your "Aha!" moment. The moment when you realize the relationship is over, and you are ready to move on. You suddenly realize "hey! I'm happy!" This is an internal process, and has little to do with him. No matter how much we talk and analyze the end of a relationship, there are always questions that remained unanswered. the "Aha!" moment comes when you no longer care. Believe me, it will come. For now, concentrate on yourself and what you want. You need a guy that respects you, not someone that leaves you hanging!

lonelygal27 01/24/2010

I wonder when the moment will come ?

... wanted him too much too long (20 - 25 years maybe) before we got together. I have loved him unconditionally last few years.
Have let him go in the sense that I am respecting his silence. (Never asked him for anything else either earlier)
I have not felt attracted to anyone even remotely since he we committed to each other so finding anyone else is out of question as far as I can see.

I think I will just need to learn to not let if affect me.

lonelygal27 01/26/2010

he wrote a line saying he was looking to meet me....
i am even more confused

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