I have some similar issues. We do not have kids but my husband was having an emotional affair on me and then decided the new shinny object was what he was looking for. He moved out on Nov 7 and has flip flopped back to me 5 times...the last time was just before Christmas. I hate him for messing up my life but in the same I miss talking to him. He was my best friend for 18 years. I am so beside myself.

"just wants to hug him. I miss having someone "want" me." ... It's so crazy that this has been my struggle these past few days as well. It's been a while now and as angry and disappointed as I am in him, as bad as the betrayal was; and as much as I know that he is so far emotionally from where I am, I still miss him so much! The "him" from the time when I believed he loved me back and I was safe with him. I don't know why it has to be so difficult to let go of someone that has already let go of you. Yet it seems like the circumstance won't let go of you either. I feel tormented all day everyday! I too hate him for what he has done to me. All I can do is bring my heartache to God daily. I need healing so bad! I know I need to forgive, and not for him, but for me. I want to 'cause I need peace. I wish there was something that we could do or say, something that we could take, that would make this all go away. All I know is that, as hard as it may be, we have to believe that this will pass and it will get better. I will be praying. - Hugs

I moved out on Saturday, my DDay was 4 months ago. I have tried to work on our marriage and gave it my best shot, but I could not take the daily heartache of her not trying. I was devastated yesterday much of the day, but last night God gave me a revelation that has brought so much peace. He showed me that I have been praying wrong! I have been praying my will (restoration) not His will. He showed me that He has not been answering my prayers because He is protecting me from further suffering. He also showed me that my wife is in a really dark place and has to fight her own spiritual battle. This has helped me so much!! I still have a bit of anxiety and I do feel sad, but I am listening to my praise music and just trying to stay in a state of worship to get through the day. If you are a believer, you have to understand that as long as we hold on to something God will not work on it. We are burdened with it, we need to truly give it to God and let God be God. It is sometimes hard to realize our plans are not his plans.

I don't know. I guess my Stbx has been emotionally distant for so long I don't miss him as much but I miss having someone to just chat with or bounce ideas with. I can do that with friends and coworkers but he was the one who was there physically everyday.

STex I think God sent us the same message.

Amen to that.

Sometimes there's someone up there who sees further down the road than we can in our limited perception of a person, place or event.

We only see the puzzle piece, God sees the whole picture. I have to really check myself, I will get down and just wallow in the disgusting self pity. I am making a committed effort to keep myself in a state of grace. It is not easy, I am trying to capture all thoughts and turn them back to the Lord. I have obsessed about restoration and saving my marriage and I need to give it to God. I don't want that burden anymore.

I'm right there with you Tex.

We keep ourselves in chains.

I don't need to live that way anymore.

i agree with stex. i did have similar kind of experience.i had to let go of my ex husband because he wont love me back and always emotionally manipulated me. .i couldn't bear him and i was unable to brake up with him. this was a kind of inner conflict in my mind. like stex mentioned above about his experience similar incident happened in my life too .one day i fought with my ex husband as usual i went to my moms place. i prayed god that if some one else cant change for me. change my mind so that i wont crave for an unloving idiot.after few days i got clarity in my mind and i divorced him. no more self pity or self inflicted torture for me. i feel much better now.

We are all getting there radhika. It is just a slow process.

I know what you mean. I miss her touch, her scent, her love and intimacy. I guess it's just withdrawal from our 22 years together. I hope this will pass. It really hits when your laying in bed at night all alone. Nobody to kiss and hug goodnight. Nobody to lay beside and snuggle on a cold winter night. I want to move on...I want to let go...I want to sleep at night without thinking of her. 10 weeks now and I'm still struggling but slowly I am getting better.
Why does it feel like half the population feels the way we do, and the other half seems to be able to move on with no struggle at all?

I am having similar issues too. My stbx is still living with us but very distant from family. This weekend he was acting civil and more talkative which makes it hard being so distant emotionally. I found myself wishing we could be like we were before more like the beginning of our relationship/marriage but even before this started was better than now. But, then I get mad at myself and feel like I have no self respect for even thinking that way.....it is really tough. When he acts nasty to me it is actually easier in a way because I just want him to leave.....when he is civil, it makes me wish things could work out and be better than they were before. I haven't been to church but was feeling a strong need to go last week and feeling really down.....hoping to go this weekend and will try as many others have to "give it up to God" and hope that brings more peace to my life and resolution one way or another to this crappy situation. Hugs to all!

People have different emotional and intellectual capacities. When 2 people say I love you they seldom mean the same thing, they mean what it means to them or in bad cases, say what they think you want to hear. Truly honest emotionally vulnerable people generally think highly of others and give them the benefit of the doubt and trust when people say the same thing, they mean the same thing. This however is actually very rare, just by nature things are seldom equal. Plus people can be remarkably selfish and fail to consider how their decisions affect others. Conscientious people don't but this is a social media instant hookup society. I'm not like that but my wife is...found that out the hard way

Like all of you, I miss having the human contact other than my friends and family. I miss having someone to talk to after days at work, someone being there just for a hug. I am slowly starting to realize that if it is meant to be that I find love again, this part of it will come back in time. However, I have slowly started to accept that I dont mind the alone time as I am an introvert but that sometimes can be overwhelming. As the days go by, it does get easier but it doesn't stop me from wanting the human contact.

Great shares by everyone

My emotional Self does not think like my rational
Self and they do not talk or even understand each
other.

The emotional rollercoaster runs for quite sometime
during the grieving process..

With me it was emotionally detaching and breaking
the marital bond. I have struggled with both and
I am 19 months post divorce. I have handed over
My bond to God to hold long ago. The detaching
Is one day to a time.

I think i am close to being detached, the Un Bonding
still makes me cry so i question Were that truly is at.
I cry whenever my brain goes there.

I still need to hand my ex over to the care Of God when
i am able to really let go. That too is a one day to a time.
HUGS

The pain is sooooo great. It hurts me to think of all of us suffering the same way. Before this I never gave it a second thought (people divorcing). I passed up so many opportunities to reach out to others going through this. I would never have thought it hurt this bad. It is worse than death. The dark days are so dark, just a barren wasteland, isolation, loneliness. Until you have experienced it you can not possibly understand what we are going through.