How do you know when its time to call it quits? My husband and I have been together for 17 years. I used to think in the beginning things were good but I realized later that my self esteem was so low that I just thought what his controlling ways were loving were really not. The first time I realized he wasnt who I thought he was was 2 weeks before we got married. We were fighting because he got mad at me for not going to the gym that day (he always was mad if I didnt work out or if I ate too much or something that was too fattening) so we were fighting and in reference to my weight he said "well its not like I ever thought I was going to marry someone like you" meaning because I wasnt super model skinny. It was like a bubble burst and I saw that he had been controlling and putting me down the whole time, when I thought he was trying to help. When we met I was 192 lbs. When we got married I was 142 lbs. I was feeling good about myself and then that comment shattered me. Over the coarse of the next year things seemed to get better, we had a daughter and life was pretty good. Then he started drinking a lot. Then over the years it got worse, he drank more and became not only mentally and verbally abusive but physically abusive as well. Then his brother passed away unexpectedly and then his grandpa that he was really close to, and then he was just a full blown alchoholic. He would hurry me off to bed at night so he could stay up and drink. We fought all the time. If we werent fighting he was ignoring me. I felt unloved and not appreciated. I begged him to go to counciling and he refused. Said it was a waste of time and money. Finally one night he hit me in the face and I ran out of the house down the street to a bar where my cousin works and someone there called the police. He was taken to jail and spent the night there. I moved out the next day. The day after that he begged me to come back said he would go to counciling whatever it took. I agreed and we started counciling. We went but nothing really changed. fast forward he finally quit drinking a little over a year ago because I took the girls and we moved into an apartment. We were gone for 6 months while he went to AA and counciling. It was on the condition that he stayed sober, and continued counciling we would  come back after the 6 mo. was up. He has continued to stay sober. He does not do counciling any more, I still go. He is not physically abusive, but he is still intimidating. Like I never know what will make him mad. And he says things that I dont think are nice to the kids. One example our youngest is 6, we were playing a board game and she was having a fit because she was losing and he got mad and said "Thats why noone wants to play with you" She immediately started crying and ran to her room. I tried to explain that he was talking to her like another 6 year old would talk and that he could have phrased it better that wouldnt have made her cry like that but he still doesnt think he did anything wrong. This is the kind of thing he does to me all the time. Then he tells me that Im too sensitive and that I over analyze things and that I dont know how to take a joke. I have wanted to leave this marriage for a long time, but he has changed so many other things that I keep holding out hope that this can change too. But if it doesnt, my councilor says I cant change him only my response to him, but the way he talks to me makes me feel incredibly bad about myself and I dont think there is anything I could do to change that. I feel like I checked out along time ago, but then sometimes I feel like I love this man and we have 2 girls together we can make this work, then that last for about an hour before he says something that hurts me. I just dont know if leaving is the right thing. I feel like it probably is, I know he manipulates me and what I think, so I start to think maybe I am over reacting. IDK any advice would be appreciated.