Ooo! BrooklynnMB - I feel the same way. I want to scream at the top of my lungs about it. I am so sick of being sad, lost, overwhelmed, and alone!

I miss my mate too. I don't know how people get through this either...It hurts so much knowing that he is going on with his life without me.

I doubt he is on some web site pouring out his guts, missing work because your depression is increased so much you can't get out of bed, and when you make it to work you can't help but cry throughout the day.

I keep hoping he will come back, but my logical side says in the back of my mind that this isn't right with all that has happened... so I am left with these feeling after 23 years...

I wish I could be more supportive but I am such a mess...I can relate to your feelings so much...I don't have the rights words to say but I wish the pain would go away for us....

I have told others on here, and I am going to tell you both also. Get the book "Getting Past Your Breakup". It helped me tremendously when I had a devastating break up.

I found that listening to podcasts and youtube videos at night, which is when I struggle most, on self esteem, faith, forgiveness, etc is helpful. I text a prayer to myself and try to end the day with ending something to be thankful for.
I'm still struggling, but not crying on the floor in my closet lately. Even though it's not much, its progress. I'm fortunate enough to have a little boy that needs me so I really try to focus on my kids to keep me busy. Prayers for everyone on their new journey forward.

Sadly, people get through this with practice. I am going through this as well but not frightened by it because I have lost loves before, because of abandonment and because of death. What you're going through is normal. Have faith that it WILL get better. Healing doesn't happen in a perfect progression. You may feel good for a while and then feel really bad again. I too recommend the book Getting Past Your Breakup. Also, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I don't agree that time heals all wounds. I have seen time cause wounds to fester. It's really up to you. Allow yourself to grieve your loss and tell yourself positive things. When one door closes, another opens etc. Don't listen to negative people who tell you hurtful negative things (with the best of intentions, of course)...love always dies, men can't be trusted etc. You hurt deeply because you love deeply. This is a good thing. Sometimes they are just gone. If he no longer wants you, go love someone else. But most of all, love yourself. Know that you will be fine without him.

I stuggle with the same question. I had a few good months were I really thought I was better, and realized there is life past being betrayed. I have good and bad days, but lately the bad out weight the good. I to, wonder how to get past this. I live my life one day at a time, and sometimes, hour to hour. Up is the only way to go from here.

Best of luck to you

You are in the grieving process. So, it helps to understand that, while there are 'stages' of grief, they don't necessarily happen in order. Nor do they always happen one at a time. And they can repeat themselves.

Also, there are multiple losses associated with divorce, so that compounds the grief process. In addition to the loss of your spouse/friend/partner/SO, some of the other possible losses we can experience are:
status of being a couple/married
standing in community, work, and yes, even church
friends
home
assets & income
pets
living together as a family
children
personal possessions

These multiple losses can and do extend the grief process. The body mind and spirit doesn't know the difference when it comes to loss. Loss is just loss. It helps to know that grief is not linear. At best it zig zags, goes in circles, veers off sideways and many times feels like we're going backwards.

There are two parts to grief, grief and mourning. Grief if the sadness and other feelings you feel inside. Mourning is the outward expression of those feelings. Without mourning it is difficult to heal.

So, it is crucial to not only honor and feel your feelings, but also to not judge them. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, They just are.

If you feel you're not getting better, it could help to see a therapist who specializes in grief. In addition, there are two national programs, Rebuilding (http://www.rebuilding.org/abouttheseminar.php?SessionID=5956313d5554b3bca87e2) based on Bruce Fisher's book Rebuilding and DivorceCare (www.divorcecare.com) based on the Bible. Both are approx. 12 weeks long and are very inexpensive.

IMHO its really important that you have a SAFE place to express AND process your feelings and receive validation. That usually means talking to a qualified professional. If anyone tells you to just forgive and forget or get over it or get back out there and date or one up you w/their horror stories, RUN, don't walk as far away from them as possible.

This is a huge loss and it will take time. It is a process and it will recycle. But as you move through it (and NOT stuff the feelings), it will get better. It might not be noticeable at first, but one day you will wake up and smile and know that you are doing a whole lot better. As sucky as it is, please give yourself the gift of however much time you need to feel and express your feelings and do whatever it takes, including practicing extreme self care, so that you can heal.

Mytruecolors is right

Grieving takes us years to heal.....at the end of my 13 week breakups and divorce course, it says most take 2 to 3 years to finish grieving

BUT.....as time moves on you did get so much better and reconnect with life

The hurt stays ...the work continues....and I am over 1 1/2 years since separation

I have a new life

As time moves on you do get better and reconnect with life

I started reading Getting Past your break up. it is an excellent book. However, I could not endure the pain and he kept reaching out to me. We love each other deeply but our problem is we continue to argue. I get easily offended ect. Most likely our reunion will be temporary due to the fact that we will probably start arguing again because of all the conflict we have when we are together. Part of me wishes I continued on the path to being single. He is the first man I have been in a relationship since my divorce.

Hang in there girls and do get that book. It will help ease a bit of the pain. It's hard work. I am prepared that it may soon be coming my way in the near future.

You are doing all the right things for yourself; going out with friends, and working out. There isn't a timeline for healing from a breakup. One day at a time.

You didn't mention how long you were together or even how long you've been apart. Both of those things factor a great deal in your healing and time frame.

I know it seems awful now and I remember feeling like you a year ago. I was married for 27 years when I got a divorce and I would cry almost every day and dread the weekends. People told me it would get better and that they could tell that I was getting better but I was too close to the situation so I couldn't see it.

Little gains that you make towards healing are so hard for you to detect but the good news is that it's cumulative. This time next year you will notice the difference. I promise.

You are doing all the right things. It is hard. I'm not going to sugar coat it by telling you it's not but I've been there so I know it gets better.

Sending jedi hugs your way.


lemaym1.wordpress.com/

I remember the pain, the hurt and wondering if I will ever feel happy again, but I knew in my head that if I ever went back nothing would change, and I would be regretting my decision.
I had to learn to think my head and not my heart, and learn to put me first when it came to my happiness. This was a very slow process, but it is now 5 years later and I am very happy I never went back to living with an addict. The one thing to remember is our bodies, meaning our brains are patterning just like the addicts brain has become addicted to drugs or alcohol. We go through withdrawals, for example, things would be going great and all of of sudden my body would trigger a memory. For me in October when the leaves were at their brightest and beautiful color I would get sad, eventually I realized this was the time of the year my ex and I began dating and I was happy. There would be other times of the year my body would remember certain things and I did not, but it was an unconscious moment. I learned a trick I read in the book Loveshock by Stephen Gullo, PH.D to yell STOP either out loud or to myself and that would trigger the brain to rewire and I would stop thinking about the ex and imagining what could of been. That book was a really good book for me, it was short to the point and a easy read.
Good luck, it does get better but takes time, the longer your in a relationship the longer it takes.

I just read

Get used to the fact that you will be living with pain and it will last for some time

But not forever

i've been keeping busy, active with my days. writing, talking when i feel i need too. it's hard sometimes, but knowing everyone is here, to help, support, it's a comfort.
every time i have moments where i miss my ex, i think about how she was cruel and cold to break up with me with no explanation, and it helps remind me, i deserve better. it's a grieving process, it truly is. i'm dedicated to keep strong, and helping everyone here as much as i can too. i always put my ex first, the past 5 years, and finally have began to put myself 1st. and will continue with my exercising, nature walks, gardening. time will heal us all. :)

Great attitude Chris
I am so impressed by you and know you have a very bright future