Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This is the first time I have posted a question, please advise me if I am doing this wrong. Thanks!
My husband left three weeks ago after being together for 18 years. He said he was just not happy and could not live with the pressures of family life (we have three children, 12, 8 and 10 months). He has left me completely responsible for our children, our home and pretty much our whole life. He has moved to an apartment nearby so he can reclaim his "freedom" and find himself. He sees the kids for about 1-2 hours a week total.
I am not worried about my ability to take care of my family- I have a good job and I have been doing most of the work around our home by myself for along time. I can also now admit that he has some pretty significant issues (he is very compulsive with money/relationships, he lies, he cheats, he is very negative and he has anger problems)- sounds like a real charmer, right? The problem is, I have spent 18 years caring about him, worrying about him and helping him manage his life. I truly believed my vows were forever. Although I should be celebrating the fact that this man is out of my life- I am experiencing incredible grief; I miss him and I mourn the loss of the dreams I had about our future (which in reality were probably very likely to not come true because he is so dysfunctional)- but the feelings are real and no matter how much I tell myself that I am better off- I cannot get my heart to let go. I can still have moments that take my breath away, and when I see him I want to cry. I wish I could just not see him again, but with the kids, that's just not possible. So my question is, what advice can you offer to help me "fall out of love" with this man. I don't need any more reasons why I shouldn't love him- that list is quite long- I just need to know how to do it. People have told me that it just takes time, but I really don't want to wait that long... I want to move on now! Any words of advice would be very much appreciated!
My husband left three weeks ago after being together for 18 years. He said he was just not happy and could not live with the pressures of family life (we have three children, 12, 8 and 10 months). He has left me completely responsible for our children, our home and pretty much our whole life. He has moved to an apartment nearby so he can reclaim his "freedom" and find himself. He sees the kids for about 1-2 hours a week total.
I am not worried about my ability to take care of my family- I have a good job and I have been doing most of the work around our home by myself for along time. I can also now admit that he has some pretty significant issues (he is very compulsive with money/relationships, he lies, he cheats, he is very negative and he has anger problems)- sounds like a real charmer, right? The problem is, I have spent 18 years caring about him, worrying about him and helping him manage his life. I truly believed my vows were forever. Although I should be celebrating the fact that this man is out of my life- I am experiencing incredible grief; I miss him and I mourn the loss of the dreams I had about our future (which in reality were probably very likely to not come true because he is so dysfunctional)- but the feelings are real and no matter how much I tell myself that I am better off- I cannot get my heart to let go. I can still have moments that take my breath away, and when I see him I want to cry. I wish I could just not see him again, but with the kids, that's just not possible. So my question is, what advice can you offer to help me "fall out of love" with this man. I don't need any more reasons why I shouldn't love him- that list is quite long- I just need to know how to do it. People have told me that it just takes time, but I really don't want to wait that long... I want to move on now! Any words of advice would be very much appreciated!
Thanks!
K
That said, from reading what you have wrote I can honestly say that some guy is going to be really really lucky when he meets you. Make sure he is not a narcissist. He will be loving and caring for you because of who you are. When you do meet this person your ex WILL be a distant memory - believe me that there WILL be no turning back, and this will come from you.
It's hard to believe this now - but remember that I was exactly like you only 2 months ago (my ex dumped me on Dec6) - right now there is no happiness that i could find in her and I never have even close to any relapse.
This forum has a lot of love on it. Most of the people come here because they are victims of narcisstic relationships (midlife crisis whatever)- It does make you realize very fast that there is far better options.