Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm never sure what to do. My boyfriend of 6 years is an alcoholic, when he's sober he's my best friend, when he's not he's mean and distant and verbally and emotional abusive. It's a cycle that I've been living through for so long, I think I'm numb to it. He drinks and eventually does something horrible to me, I start packing my things, he cries and tells me he loves me and begs me not to go, he swears he'll stop drinking, that I know that's not the real him, that he can't do it without me. I stay. I love him. He needs me. Sometimes it lasts for a week or two, but only if I'm lucky. Then we start it over again, first he hides that he's drinking, then he swears he has it under control, and then once again he does something I shouldn't forgive and we start all over again. Sometimes I think, this is what love is, you forgive and you support and you love them through the good and the bad. Sometimes, I think there's no way I deserve this and love can't be this hard, or selfish, or painful. I always have to have it together, I have to be home taking care or our house and our pets and all the responsible things because I can't depend on him to do it. The past year my anxiety and depression have been awful, I can't imagine living like this forever. Then I get a glimpse of what could be if he'd grow up and sober up, and I can't let go. I feel so close to everything I want half the time, and the other half I feel as if I couldn't be farther. I could use some advice, or perspective.
No, this is not what love or life is about. He's an alcoholic and he needs to get into a program, but he won't do that as long as you're there mollycoddling him. I'm sorry to be tough like this but nothing else works when it comes to addicts. He won't change and you're enabling him by loving him and picking up after him.
There comes a time in life when you have to decide what you want from life, and go after it. You're not responsible for him or his life. Aren't you worth more? Don't you deserve to be with someone who doesn't drink and become abusive. I guarantee you that if you were to leave, in two years time you will barely remember him.
Wishing you well.