Yes loneliness sucks. I agree. But it is up to you to change things. It is you! You can do it! I promise you! So today I want you to message me and tell me what you did for yourself. Be it bought my favorite snack or went for a walk. You are going to be a stronger person. I guarantee it. Message me. I am here!

Give yourself time. I see positive here. You decided to go to the dance/party solo AND you drove there. You took 2 of the 3 steps to getting back into social gatherings as a single person. And from the perspective of someone who's been solo since 11/14 (ya-that's me), that is awesome. Give yourself a huge pat on the back. Don't beat yourself up. Going solo after being married for years is extremely difficult. You will get there. Once it starts it gets easier. It took me a solid 24 months before I could do anything as a single person. BUt now, I signed up for group dance lessons where everyone is a couple except for me and one other female - having a blast. I have signed up to do a speed dating event - going solo, no friend no support system. I am also going to a one night tango singles get together in Philly. I am walking in by myself, no friend, no anything as a safety net.

You will know when you are ready. And the just having someone to talk to in person, go out for coffee - I get that too! I joined a dating website. My profile said looking for friendship. But unfortunately all I found were guys that wanted coffee and sex, and they weren't shy about saying so. I definitely wasn't ready for the latter. Wish I was closer, I would take you out for coffee and I would drink my hot cocoa!

Loneliness is what happens when you keep your focus on the other person, the empty seat, or the prospect of an "other person."

Being alone, however, is different because it's an adventure that's all about the one person whom you should truly love: Yourself.

Being alone means learning a new skill, going on an adventure, starting a business, finding a new hobby, volunteering at a local shelter or soup kitchen, and more.

Step one is to throw away the loneliness, by stopping focusing on the other person. She sounds like a scandalous skank, and who wants THAT behind their locked door at night? She's clearly not relationship material. You might not be either, right now, but you will be.

Here's what you do:

1. Find a motel outside of town and stay there for the weekend. Take a set of pens, a legal pad, and your phone.

2. Turn off your phone. Do not watch the TV. No internet. No outside stimuli for the weekend. This is important, because it's about you, and you MUST be this important to yourself in order to do it.

3. Start writing a list of things you wanted to do, and go back as far as you can remember. Write it down. It doesn't matter how stupid it seems now. If you were five years old and you wanted to be the president of a foreign country while jumping off bridges in a flying squirrel suit, then write it down.

4. As you sit with your list of things that you want to do in life, think about who you really want to be, and what you really want to do with life.

5. Use the rest of this time to work it all out.

6. Go home and put your new-found ideas into action. Learn to play guitar, start a business, join a bowling league, backpack Europe, or whatever else ended up coming from your list.

As you do these things for you, this self-love will improve your self-esteem. Once this starts, it keeps going. Your skill levels increase. Your confidence increases. Your abilities increase.

We get this ONE life, and that's it. Once a person settles down with kids, there's little in the way of money, time, or ability to do anything. And who wants to be old before they do the things they've wanted to do?

At some point, you will think about a relationship again. At that point, you'll be a healthy individual who is emotionally prepared for a relationship. You won't grab onto the first skank who spreads for you, and instead you will have the self-respect to tell these women what you need in a relationship. After all, you will deserve it, and THEY will be lucky to be around YOU.

What you NEED is very important to understand, because it can be vastly different from what you WANT. A guy might want a hot woman, for example. Focusing on what he wants means that this is the ONLY criteria he may use for judging whether or not she's a fit for him.

But if you focus on what you NEED, then you have a better chance of figuring out whether someone is right for you and YOUR life.

It's not about building a life with them. That's insane.

It's about you having YOUR life, she has her OWN life, and the two of you COMBINE your lives into something magnificent.

In short, stop wasting your thoughts and concerns over that scandalous skank, focus on yourself, and make yourself the man you feel you should be. Best of luck.

You have friends here....I would totally have a coffee with you (I'm a coffee addict). I actually went to a party last night for one of our mutual friends...pretty much all our friends are mutual after being together 24 years. I didn't want to go, because then I would have to admit to them all where he was....but I went, I told them all, felt better and had a great time.

The loneliness does gets better, i am much more
content the more detached i am from my ex. Its that
huge void and being on emotional unsteady ground.

i am trying to find myself as a single person again,
i lost her somewhere along the way. she needs my
help and love. I am getting stronger the more i work
on myself and my own issues.

Socially i still do as i always did, not ready for new
and exciting yet. I never have been real social even
though i love people.

The trick is to learn to love yourself more than you
loved them that will fill that feelings of emptiness
and loneliness. HUGS

Being alone sucks balls. When I left the people that were my friends left too. They blame me and sided with my ex. It hurt like a bitch and some days it still does. But im to the point to say fuck them. I'm a very closed off person so it's hard for me to meet new people. I have huge trust issue. The friends that I have had for years are still by my side. They are there for me even though most of them like every 2 hours away. But I'm slowly going out and just having fun. Meeting people that I will never see again had been some of the funnest nights. I don't want a relationship but I realised that I need to live also.
So buddy start slow weather it's just a coffee or a beer. You'll get there. Findo something you enjoy and start to have fun again.

Thanks all for your thoughts and opinions. Today was a better day...not much but a little better. I can't go anywhere but up from here. The climb will be difficult I know.

I can't say enough how long walks and exercise helped me. I would get up every morning and walk briskly for 45 minutes. Then at night I would work out with weights. It was tough at first getting started but once I did other things just seemed to fall into place. I think walking and getting out of the house was so important.

Keep busy, try new things. Maybe join a meetup.com group.

I understand your loneliness it's how I feel all day everyday but it will get better it has too. As humans we are programmed to survive and you will survive this 'skank'. If nothing else her utterly disgraceful behaviour should be a reminder of what you don't need in your life. You sound like a good man & you deserve to be happy & you will.