Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello everyone hope everyone is doing well I have been in a relationship for 10 years and for the last 2 years he has been having a drinking problem I have been dealing with him and hoping that he would get help he keeps promising that he will and he's not I asked him to move out several times he is a veteran so I know they will help with alcohol abuse and a place to live I don't want to just throw him out but I am not happy anymore and I know I can do better and he can to life is to short
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Stay strong
Why is he so unwilling to get help?
Does he have another place to go?
Can you move?
First, get yourself to Al Anon or Families Anonymous meetings. Learn more about the disease of alcoholism and why you do the things you do in relation to his drinking. We family members react and think in ways that can make ourselves more unhappy and also enable the alcoholic/addict. You can't live your life hoping this addict will reform. We can only change ourselves, you can't control him or hope him to wellness. He needs to have his consequences and do what is called hit rock bottom. He probably can't do that with you allowing him to live in your home or stay married to him because your wise mind is saying you want out of the relationship now. Do not ignore your wise mind.
Second, sit down with pen to paper and make a plan to separate from him. Keep it private. Do not share any of your plans with the partner at this time. Become strong minded, become self loving. Stick to your plan to get him out of your house and end the relationship. Or if you guys rent, when the lease is up, then you move out.
Third, get yourself to a good divorce attorney if you are married. That is very important to do immediately if married. If you guys are not married but he is living in your house, your mortgage, your name alone on the deed, then get yourself to an attorney (probably real estate attorney) for legal advice. Where I live, the home owner can not just kick out a person they have allowed to live in their home. You may have to "evict" him and follow legal guidelines.
Sometimes we have guilt for "being mean" to the alcoholic or drug user. This is misplaced guilt. You have to take charge of your own happiness and future. You can't make him change so your plan has to be about your changing things and how to go about doing so.
Best wishes to you. I found Al Anon taught me so much and I came away much stronger emotionally. I was also more self protective and I stopped enabling my ex. I stopped a lot of my shame and guilt thinking. I decided I wanted a divorce and waiting for the opportunity to tell him and I gave him a deadline to move out. You can't just say I want you to move out and then be weak about it. His number one priority is the alcohol. My ex really wanted out so he could do the things he was doing that ruined our marriage but he wanted to blame me and make himself the victim. You can't just hope he will get well and become a great person again.