Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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How do I get full custody?

ll47ll
ll47ll
I let my X take the kids when it's supposed to be my weekend, but I can't ever get any cooperation in return. He just pitched a fit bc he wanted to know exactly what we would be doing this past weekend, forgetting that he used to tell me "it's none of you GD business!" when we were married. I thought we had come to an unsaid agreement of not getting into each other's business. He just told me his drill weekend just got moved from Sept 7 to Sept 14 "last minute" when actually he was told 3 weeks ago and admitted he forgot to tell me (I had another stupid conversation explaining what last minute is to him). I told him sorry but we made plans so the kids can't go with him the weekend he is free, which leads to him cussing me out. I am so ready to fight for full custody and only let the kids go with him when they want to go and if he asks nicely. How do I go about this? I have always been reasonable and let the kids go if possible, I feel so exhausted every time I have to talk to him.
ll47ll
ll47ll
I am tired of always giving and never receiving. This time, I have plans that I don't want to change, can't really change. And because I can't change them, he cusses me out. I deal with this all the time. If I work around his schedule, he's ok, but when I can't, this is how he reacts. I want full custody because I know I won't purposefully keep the kids from him bc I know how much they want to see him. I want full custody because I don't want to deal with him cussing me out bc he forgot to tell me his schedule changes and I can't accomodate.
namaste02
namaste02
Custody and visitation schedules are two separate entities.. Sole custody will not change this one bit. Document and stick with your schedule.

Hugs!
Shine14
Shine14
If youre tired of giving and never receiving, either stop giving in so much, or stop giving with the nitent to receive.

You cannot change his behavior.. but you can help him learn that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
He can cuss you out all he wants, you dont have to listen to it. That is when the phone gets hung up, or you walk away from him- get in your car, and drive away.
You dont have to be confrontational, but you dont have to let him treat you that way either.
All you can control is your own behavior and your own reactions. Focus on behaving as though youd expect a role model for your children to handle those situations.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're not going to get him to change his ways just because you have sole custody. He's going to continue to do what he does because he doesn't plan ahead. That won't change. The above poster is right: when he gets snarky just walk away/hang up the phone. He'll learn. Or not. But you don't have to listen to it. Keep the conversation to strictly about the kids, and keep it short and simple. You really can't expect to receive the same type of consideration back from him that you give to him because he's inconsiderate. He's not going to change, and that really isn't a reason for the court to award you sole custody. Custody exchanges are a pain in the butt, but we have to learn to deal with them as best we can.
ll47ll
ll47ll
You guys keep saying it and I'm finally hearing it, he is not going to change no matter what happens. Thanks for the suggestions of walking away or hanging up the phone, I have to do this a lot, but the real subjects for discussion don't get resolved promptly. I have to either ask again or just make the decisions on my own only to have him dispute them for the sake of argument. I feel like it will never end.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He can't argue with you if you don't listen to it. Walk away/hang up. Make the plans and EXPECT him to stick by them. Don't confirm, don't follow up. Go on about your life. Don't ask twice. If you don't get an answer the first time, assume it's a no and move on. If he wants to see his kids he'll get on the ball. Always have your back-up plan in place, and don't try so hard to accommodate him. Remember the old saying: "Lack of prior planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." He needs to get his act together when it comes to seeing his kids. You can't do it for him.
Shine14
Shine14
It will end - just not until your children are all 18 and grown.
Until then, you have to accept that this is the situation youre in and he is the person you are dealing with. Resisting it is only going to make it harder on you because it wont change him.