Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
My ex and I of 4 years broke up nearly 7 months ago. Whilst she dumped me, it was fairly amicable in the end.
We have not really been able to reduce contact / go no contact really until this past month due to factors such as living arragements, overseas trips etc.
Finally being able to have space / minimal contact has really helped bring me into my own and enabled me to grow in so many positive ways, however we have mutual friends. Some where her friends first, but became close friends of mine too. They have expressed they want to continue being friends as well, which is great.
However my issue is that they only really invite me to group gatherings that include my ex (we said we would be friends, but she never initates contact and we are both starting to date) and to be honest I just don't feel like going anymore, atleast for the time being!
I have managed to make my own group of friends outside of the ones I had with my ex, and they are wonderful and amazing people. I really want to just focus on building my friendship with them, particulary as they have helped me to foster a really positive outlook in regards to the break up, more so than those whom are mutual friends.
I am quite happy with where I am at currently. I am enjoying the space away from my ex and the chance to discover who I am without her, so hence why I don't really want to be around her.
My question is how do I explain this to those "mutual" friends without them thinking that I am blowing them off / don't want to be their friend anymore??
I don't want them to think I am choosing my new friends, and I don't want them to stop inviting me to things. I feel like what I am wanting is fairly reasonable right now??
It is also trivial but how do I explain that to my ex if it comes up? I don't want her thinking I am avoiding her because It hurts to see her or because I am desperately in love with her (because this isn't the case!!). I know if I don't explain it in a way that avoids giving off that message she will get weird and make a point to let our friends know I can't handle it, which isn't ideal.
Any suggestions would be great because I havn't had to explain or ask for such a thing before.
I was in a similar situation where people would invite both me and my ex to parties. I always made other plans because I figured he'd show up with someone and put on a big show about his perfect new life. Also, even for the events where he wasn't invited, mutual acquaintances would make sure to mention where and when they'd seen him. People just don't get it, that you don't want to talk about your ex. I felt like they wanted to see how I'd react. Also, I found out from my ex that they would report little things to him that I did. Innocent things, but he would make a big deal about it as if I needed him back. So then I stopped going to events with mutual acquaintances. I would thank the host or hostess and tell them I already had plans.
I no longer get invited to some things and I really don't care. I prefer my single friends and I don't care if the married acquaintances know it. I find married people boring now and I'm pretty sure gossiping about me is as exciting as their lives get.