My daughter is seven. She had a hard time for a couple of days, and then started talking about how much happier and more fun our house was without Daddy.

The hardest part for me has been the discipline....my daughter is much more scared of her dad than of me, and I have trouble getting her to listen to me without being able to say, "Wait 'til your father gets home."

My counselor says kids are adaptable....and, like many people on here have stated before, Dr. Phil says, "It's better to be FROM a broken home than IN one."

Hang in there....love them, that's all you can do. ; )

My 8 yr. old daughter has adjusted to our move better than me. She loves her new room. She sleeps better and behaves better than she did before the split. There is less tension & I can focus on her better than I could with Mr. Crazytrain still around. She has however picked up on the lack of parenting when she is visiting him. She says Daddy is only half of a Daddy because he loves his music more than his family. Out of the mouths of babes - I tell ya.
My 18 yr. old son is so happy he can't stand it. He was so ready to leave there. He holds alot of anger towards my stbx though because he's fully aware of why we had to move. His relationship with the stbx has become almost nil.

I met with a therapist would specializes in children. She talked me through how the children will react to the divorce, as it is quite different based on their ages.

Yes, it still breaks me up thinking that our home is now 'broken' but I know I have to get past that, and that this reality is truly a better life for them.

Talk to someone.

Mine were older when this started. My youngest was 17 then. They were very angry at stbx. They figured out about the OW and it was awful. I had to go to a parenting class (mandated in my state) for anyone with a minor child going through a divorce. They said it's easier on younger children. Older kids had 20 some years with both parents. That's what they are used to. Things are getting better for them with their relationship with their father but it will never be the same. The divorce has been going on for a year and a half. We are almost done and I think we will all be able to start to finally heal from this hell.

I think thier reactions are going to depend to some extent to your reaction, if you are finding it painful, chances are they will too, The first two days after our seperation, my daugther could not speak to me, she saw momma in pain and didn't know how to handle it. after I got a hold of myself, and tried to get back to normal, she got back to normal, I don't think it has been as devestating for her as it could have been had I stayed in a sad place to long

One more thing. I went to divorce care. It's a religious based movie for 45 minutes and 1 and a half hours of talking in a group kind of like we do here but in person. They have one for children too. Google it and put in your zip code and you will find one near you. I think you have to go to the bottom of the page to find one for children. Mine were too old but people here have said their children liked it.

It's been the biggest thing that breaks my heart.

I know the way we lived before was not healthy by any means. However when my oldest asks me why daddy doesn't love you anymore and why we don't we live in our old house, those questions just break my heart. I hate that the innocent victims in this mess have to pay the highest price.

Doesn't hurt for them to see a counselor, talk to them, tell them all the time they are loved and this wasn't there fault.

Take care...

seeing my girls hurt is the hardest...my girls are 4 and 9...after the h being gone for about a month and me asking him repeatedly to come for a "family talk" to help me explain...I did it on my own...no details just that "daddy wasn't going to be living with us, some things change and some don't...daddy and mommy will both always love them and that it was his choice and nobodys fault"... my 9 year old cried for about 10 minutes, 4 year old thought it was kinda neat...had cute, innocent questions like "can I sleep on daddys side?" It has been 5 months since he left (4 since they have known) and still each day presents a new challenge...I just remind them everyday that I am the luckiest mom in the world to have them, I admit to them that I miss him too when they share their feelings and I never talk badly about him (in their presence anyways lol) My girls are not "talkers" by nature so its been hard to get them to open up...I try to ask how they are doing and the right times and just pay attention to their moods...Kids are resiliant...just having your support and love will get them through....sorry I was so long winded... ((hug))

yes we had some issues from time to time, I allowed her to talk about the stbx anytime she wanted to, allow her to have her own opinions about things, and her perfomance in sports actually improved, like her confidence went way up, cause if mommy can do it, I can do it too.

Ten seconds...

My son handled it very well. His father and I were both very careful about always explaining things, always telling him the truth at his level, and never speaking ill of each other. I have to admit he had a wonderful nanny that helped me a lot when I was unable to take good care of him. I think more than anything, the fact that we both respected him enough to be truthful to him helped, because he didn't have to wonder what was going on, he knew, and that took a lot of anxiety away. Kids are smart, the can tell things are happening, and they need to know. Of course, explained at a level they can understand.
If my son sees me sad now (divorcing again!) he gets really anxious until I explain the why. Then he says "Oh, you're just sad about Carlos, OK!", and he's fine.
The one thing that got him depressed was when his dad went to live in Spain and would hardly ever call him. He missed him. That was the only really bad part for him.

Im glad everyonr here has had a someone good experinece. My son had taken it really hard. However, my situation is a bit different because its not his bological son, so my son worries that he will never see him or hear from him again.

I had to tell him that, life isnt fair to all of us and that no matter what... I was going to be his mom and dad, and that I would never leave his side... He cried a little more and looked at me and was like "ok"... I know its hard for him because a boy needs a dad... But as long as youre there for your girls, they should be ok.

I have a son 6 and a daughter who just turned 5 (22 months apart) It is heart breaking to see the pain as they try to understand all the changes. I never wanted them to have a broken family, I never wanted them to be neglected by their daddy, I never wanted them to be in the middle of rage and jealousy and manipulation. It's been humbling and so hurtful. But I hug them every day I encourage them and tell them I'm proud and support them. I promise them I'll never leave them no matter what. They are my first priority. We will be thick as thieves.

I know what you mean -- it just doesn't seem fair. My daughter is almost 3. The stbx left us to get some space before she was even 2, so she's used to him not being around that often. However, that doesn't take away from the pain at all. She'll cry and tell me she misses him, and it breaks my heart. What can you say to a 2 year old? And as she's getting older, she'll use it as a bargaining tool -- if she doesn't get her way and is mad at me, she says she misses him (she's a smart little cookie). Now that he has his own place and the divorce papers have been filed, she goes to visit (he was coming here before). She likes going to "daddy's place" and spending time with him -- it's almost TOO normal for her, but I think it's because he's been gone for so long.

How often do you see your girls? When you do, just remind them that you love them very much and that you will always be there for them (and give them a ton of hugs(.

My stbx and I never fought in front of my kids at all, they were devistated. But both of us made sure that they knew that no matter what they have a strong family to talk to . They were angry with me, because I wouldnt let him come home so automatically it was my fault. I just made sure to support them and their needs whether it be a little space or if they talked to my mom instead of me, not letting it hurt my feelings but absolutely letting them know that I understood their anger and they were hurting and letting them know that when they were ok with coming to me I was there. After about a month they were adjusted a little better and not so angry but it took alot of patience on my part.