Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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campyone 10/20/2007

I am sitting here trying to type this thru my tears, I don't cry easy anymore, Bur when it comes to my son I just can't handle the way the X treats him. Son is trying so hard to have a realtionship with his Dad but Dad just does and says things that hurt him over and over again. Son is so afraid of losing his Dads love he won't stand up for his self.

There was a miscommunication today,Dads plans were not going as expected, which causes him to start blaming everybody and saying things that didn't need to be said and calling names that were hurtful and Ugly.VERY PASSIVE AGRESSIVE. My son at this point just wants to be away from his Dad, which in itself causes a problem, My X says it's his weekend and he can say and do what he wants. He actually expects me to make my son stay with him, Which trust I wouldn't. Anyway son's home safe and secure, but scared that his Dad isn't going to love him and will treat him badly the next time he see him.
Sorry if I'm whining but I really could use some support right now.

deleted_user 10/20/2007

I knwo your pain... my ex, although he doesnt take things out on our kids yet is very verbal and likes to blame everyone else for things he has done wrong or has gone wrong. The things he does is break promises to them, makes excuses why he cant take them on his weekends... and it is always left up to me to smooth things over with them.. and make sure they still want to have a relationship with him.

I never have understood how any parent could be mean like that to their child. Maybe just try to ensure your son that no matter what his dad says, that you are sure his dad loves him in his own way?

deleted_user 10/20/2007

Your ex needs to see a therapist for this. You could try taking your son, then getting the father involved that way.

Verbal abusers don't think they have a problem.

I am so sorry. I hope that you can help your son to see that it isn't Him.

deleted_user 10/20/2007

I dont know what to say but a hug might help....(((((((hugs))))))
Stay strong

Che2 10/20/2007

My oldest is having a hard time with my ex too. My ex needs counseling but sinmce he won't go..and also does whatever he wants to do..my son is going..to learn how to deal with it. They might be able to make the kids spend the wekeend with them..for a while anyway..but they can't "force" a relationship..and your ex is blowing his chances at having one with his son.

deleted_user 10/20/2007

You didn't say how old your son was, but if he is old enough to write, give him a little journal where he can write his feelings in it and his actions of his dad and one day show it to his dad. My stbx tells my son he is going to do this with him and then don't. I am not in a situation where I have to let him see our son. You can talk to me anyway you want to, but where my son is concerned I think not.

Just be there for your son when he needs you especially after his visit with his dad.

deleted_user 10/20/2007

my ex did it too. you might explain to son that they hurt the ones the love the most. if hes over 12 in my state the kid can decide if he wants visitation.

i explained to my kid that he doesnt mean to treat him bad hes just sick(drugs) and until he gets help for his illness he wont change. my kid is 18 and still wants a relationship with dad he hasnt seen in 3 yrs. its not easy. but dont cover for dad just explain to your kid he is the only one that is responsible for his problems and he is the only one to blame for them. that it is not kids fault and never believe it is and youll have to compliment son over little things to keep dad from bringing self esteem down. I went through that for 4 yrs. finally got it back up. little compliments and hugs from you can help him where dad is lacking. wont fix it but helps in a way.

deleted_user 10/20/2007

im so sorry you are doing the right thing protect your son at all costs... you need a good heart-to-heart with dad...

CanadianRose 10/20/2007

I try to encourage as much time for my Ex to be with the girls.
But they refuse to have a sleepover at his place, he is sharing a place right now.. but.. well they are not comfortable there. I had to put aside my wants and respect them.

Just as you are listening to your son and requesting his wishes.

You EX has to get some help to control his anger management issues. It is not going to foster any love between him and your son.

because the girls do not do sleepover at Dads... well I have to give Him more time with them during the week, hard for me but I do it for the girls.

good luck with it sweetheart. (((HUGS)))

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