Love and commitment is going to be a thing of the past. It is so easy to get out of a marriage. The government has made it so. One thing I have realized is nothing is forever anymore. People change over time.

I am so sorry for you pain. I know the pain well and I know that totally confused state as well. Unfortunately, it is ever going to make sense why one human being would do this to another who loved them. You will never understand it because you could never do it to someone. Sadly it is never going to make sense. I wish I could tell you that it would because if there was some reason it might be easier to get over.
Please go to the forum on here called "Infidelity" You will be welcomed there and if you read the open journals and the forum posts you will find that your roller coaster of emotions is normal. You have been dealt a very severe and painful blow and you never deserved it no matter what the situation. Nobody deserves this.
I especially feel for you about the step-children. I helped raise two for 13 years and although my ex said to me "I will never come between you and the kids" and swore he would never put them in the middle of our split he did exactly that. Still does. He cut me off from them. Told them things about "us" that had nothing to do with them. His new "skank" woman did the same and still is. She actually took portions of my online journal (annonymous, no names or places mentioned) and had my step-daughter read my anger. Trying to "prove" to them that they should have nothing to do with me. How sick is that? Kids are not part of any break up and shouldn't be. I had a right to be angry about my betrayal and I had a right to express it in a journal to get the anger out of me. What kind of sick person shares this with a child who has just had her whole world turned upside down?
I now know that this woman doesn't really care about that. It is about "winning" and being "friends" with my step-daughter. She doesn't give a sh*t about the long term impact on that child. My ex doesn't either. It is just easier for him to have me cut out of their lives. Easier for him regardless of how much inner turmoil and pain they have to stuggle with daily. He cares nothing about that.
He isn't the man I loved anymore and niether is yours by the sounds of it. Time and distance is going to help you but the hole in your heart about the kids, I must sadly tell you, will never heal. It has been a year and a half for me and my pain over my step-kids is still there every day and all day long. I love them with my whole heart and "step" means nothing to me. These were my children and they always will be.
I am so deeply sorry for the pain and confusion you are having. It is the worst possible pain you are ever going to feel. To be betrayed by someone you loved so completely and trusted with everything in you is like being blown apart into a million pieces. You can't even fathom how to start picking up the pieces or how the hell they will ever go back together. It hurts to breath all day long.
My only advice to you is to focus on you. Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, get back into hobbies you may have shelved. Do things for yourself and be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for your own issues and know that no matter what they are they are not a REASON for him to cheat or do this to you. Do not accept the blame for what he has done in any way. These are his selfish and immature choices and he gets to own them and everything that goes with them.
Go to the infidelity board and let everyone there help you. They will. Beleive me they were one of my biggest life lines when my life blew apart.
(((HUGS))) for you. I am so very sorry you are going through this.

I am sorry that you are in such pain. It is going to take time for you to heal and to build your new life.

First of all, do you have a lawyer? You need to protect your interests.

Take care of yourself. Remember to eat, try to sleep, excercise when you can.
Come here and rant and rave.
Will you be able to trust again?
Hopefully someday you will. But today is not that day and it's okay.
Now is the time to be hurt and angry.

You kept your vows and he did not.
you cared for those children as if they were your own and now you have little or no contact with them.
It's not fair and I am so sorry.
Hang in there, Nicnicniki. Maybe I'll just call you Nic ;)
((Nic))

time and prayer will heal ur pain
keep busy always know that u r not alone.

hugs to you hun.....life is filled with unjust and pain...but its a new chap[ter in your life, so you can still have many new thigns to you ahead of you....as much as it hurts, try to focus on yourself healing instead of what he did to you. His loss dear...you deserve better and will get that again in time.

I just don't have any answers for you or me all I can say is that we are here for you. I will include you in my prayers and hope God can give you peace and healing. God Bless

I know your pain! My stbx also had 2 kids from a previous marriage (and 2 of our own) and I feel that I've lost an entire family through this seperation/divorce! It really hurts... and as for the trust thing... tell me when you have the answers!!

It's going to be very difficult for you for awhile. You need to get past the pain of what he did and the pain of the kids. Hopefully, the man will start taking responsibilty for them and provide a stable environment for them. It's sounds iffy though. Hang in there, you never know what god has intended, those kids might end up right back to you, eventially. Keep close to them if possible, let them know your there for them if they need you and you always will be. They need that support from you. Don't let the bastard stress you out or keep you depressed, get out there and live. Start new for yourself. Put the pain behind you, he's not worth it.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It has to be so difficult not only with the separation but being apart from those kids who I'm sure you came to know and love so much. And to find out about the cheating is difficult.

On the trust part, I think what has to happen is, you have to grieve this loss first and then learn to trust yourself to make good decisions. It sounds strange but that is something my therapist told me. I really thought that I had a happy marriage too before the bomb was dropped on me, but since then I realized that she did not respect our marriage, did not communicate her feelings with me, and lied to me in order to have her affairs and ONS's. I have really been working on self-awareness and trying to define who I am and want I will and will not tolerate in a future relationship and in my life in general. One problem I realized I had was letting others walk all over me. I won't do that again.

So my best advice is, work on you, grieve this loss and think about what you want for your life and eventually out of a future relationship. Do you see a counselor? That is something you might look into to help you get some of your feelings out there and they can offer good advice.

Wishing you the best as you go through this difficult time.

Truly thank you all so much for your support and just listening.

TIME! And the healing process is different for everyone. Just be good to yourself. Look after YOU and spend time around the ones you love. Take each day at a time. And don't forget to keep laughing!

(((MK)):)