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How can I distract these thoughts

Staystrong207
Staystrong207

Ever since I kicked my husband out I can't stop thinking about how much he has lied to me. I sit at work and at home and I think back about conversations we've had and come to the conclusion that he was lying to me. He lied about his where abouts, who he was talking/texting, and lied about being interested in other women. Why am i thinking about all of this? It doesn't matter, he did what he did and that can't change. I'm struggling to make these thoughts go away. He was texting these women while we sat in bed together! I'm so hurt by this and yet I still love him and he loves me and he doesn't want a divorce. 


Am I a fool for even thinking about staying? He's caused me so much hurt, how can a relationship heal from this? 


He's a cheater, he got someone else pregnant. How can our relationship heal from this? 


He took advantage of who I am as a person. He knew I trusted him!! He took advantage of that. I'm so angry that he could hurt me like this? I was a great wife to him!!


I want to be strong, especially in front of him. I don't want him to see me weak. I have to see him because of our son. 


I just need to find strength. I feel so weak right now!!



Sorry, this post is all over the place but so are my emotions. I wish I can go somewhere over the rainbow and never see him again. 


Koko
Koko
UGH why doesn't he want a divorce? Mine insists he did not cheat but has no interest in reconciling. I think you should try couples counseling and see if he can change before making any decision.
Sky31walker
Sky31walker
I would recommended the love dare. If both of you want to work it out, and you can forgive him, you should at least try the 40 days of this, I'm currently in day 18. My wife left me and our kids a month ago, says she doesn't want a divorce, but still stays with family 7 hours away. I feel for you, and if you need anyone to vent to, I'm available. God bless
samantha717
samantha717
I would recommend you read Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men". That was a huge eye opener for me! It was like a whole year's worth of therapy rolled into one afternoon. I put a link to it below on Amazon where you can read reviews of it and get a free sample for your kindle or e-reader.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481071325&sr=8-1&keywords=why+does+he+do+that+inside+the+minds+of+angry+and+controlling+men

This book will give you a lot of strength ... I promise!
TomPan
TomPan
If you love him and can forgive him see if he's open to go to couples therapy. I know in my situation I wish I could turn back time and realize what I had. The pain after its all over is sometimes worse then the relationship but it's different for everybody.
Awsaws
Awsaws
That is sexual addiction...sexual dysfunction. Unless he faces that demon, it is just a matter of time till it takes control of him again. He is the weak one. You still love him through all of this...that's strength.
strongandsilent
strongandsilent
Get out.

Sorry to be blunt. But, not only did he have an affair, he got someone pregnant which means he didn't even great you with the basic civility of using condoms - exposing you to who knows what.

He made a choice. It was to lie to you. And he got caught. You are in shock. It will take a long time to get over. But, you have to put yourself, your health and your emotions first. You've given not indication as to why he doesn't want a divorce. Like many cheaters, it is likely no more than it would make his life damn miserable and why should he go thru that when he can stay comfy and lie to you?

I am 2 + years into my life after my partner of 27 years (14 married) left me for another women. It is still hard at times. But I thank god every day that he walked away. Because I know I would have been miserable playing the "pick me" game if he had given me the chance. Luckily, by the time he got to the point he realized what he had given up, I was strong enough to know what I wanted. And that has protected me and my kids.

Grief is a crazy emotion - like no other. You can do this.
samantha717
samantha717
My stbx once asked me to go to couple's counseling, but I turned it down. I just knew he would tell the therapist all his lies and twisted versions of the truth and get him/her on his side and then they'd both gang up on me and make me out to be the bad guy. I had seen him do it before. I was also afraid that whatever things I was encouraged to share in couple's counseling would someday be used against me by him. He did that to me so much in the first half of our marriage that I eventually had to stop telling him anything.