Sending you a (((((cyber hug))))) - it gets better - but before it does, we cry, we feel helpless, we grieve, breakdown, and so much more heaviness and sadness that it's too much to put in words. We all been there. I been and I can relate. Remember that you are losing people but not your life - People leave us - losses are part of life - but we have to keep living.

Hang in there and don't lose faith in yourself. You can do this.

Just breath New2This14, just breath......and know your not alone in all of this!

Your not alone, everyone here on Daily Strength might not all have the same situation as what your currently going through, but the emotions and pain and hurt and grief are pretty much the same.

And your not alone in regards to losing it in public places, I've been about 40 days removed from my relationship I had with my ex-fiace, and still I find myself at places like grocery stores that play music for their shoppers, at times I've heard some songs that my ex-fiance and I enjoyed and like you, I sometimes break down emotionally and cry! It's strange that you and I share the same response when we go through the bouts of memory by song, "are you fucking kidding me"! Same thing rolls out of my mouth, no lie, it's normally the first thing I say when the song hits me.

As far as the motivation or the personal drive to things like you said, getting ready for an appointment, your not alone there either. Back when things were really good between myself and my ex-fiance I was on cloud 9, life was good, I was balanced and was able to get things done, both around and outside the home quickly, happily and with a smile.

But since my ex-fiance broke things off, and left my home with no intention of ever returning, I can't say anymore that I've come close to doing anything around the home and outside quickly, happily and with a smile. It's hard, as you already know, what used to take me minutes to do, like unloading a dishwasher, now can take me up to 30 minutes or so, just to get it done, sometimes I'm flooded with memory's of us inside the kitchen or remembering when she used to do the washer, sometimes I have to take small breaks away form it, and at some point it gets done.

Also, the point you made about that you don't want everyone to say that it'll be okay! Your not alone there either, sometimes I personally get tired of some people telling me it's going to be okay! Sometimes I turn around and tell them....."the fuck it is"! And quick little resentments flair up, especially if the person telling it to me is in a serious romantic relationship with someone, pretty easy to tell someone it's going to be okay to your face when they know that after they are done talking to you, they've got someone to go back home to.

And your statement....."how do they know"? To be honest, they don't! During this chaotic and troubled time I'm in, I've learned that regardless of people saying it's going to be okay, it's just their opinions, based upon their own personal experiences, which in turn they most likely do a side by side comparison with their own experience and with mine, and if the situations match up enough, and they turned out okay by it, then they most likely will tell you that you'll be okay as well. Sometimes I walk away thinking......"yeah fucking right it'll be okay"!

But as the days slowly go by, yeah, the pain and the hurt with my situation is still very real, but I'm realizing that I'm surviving it, I wake up in the morning with a little doom and gloom because the one I loved isn't here anymore and how can I make it through this day without her, but somehow I make it, sometimes not very well, but I make it.

And as far as the medication issue, my doctor as well wants me on medications and has given me a referral to a new psychiatrist, which I'm just waiting for them to call me with my appointment time. I'm a little "if'y" about taking them, but my doctor says in light of recent events, the emotional trauma I suffered back on August 3rd when my ex-fiance boarded a airport shuttle van and left me, and the bouts of depression I had for months before her leaving, he says I've done all I can on my own, but he said the meds will most likely push me over the hump that I can't on my own get myself over.

And the "rollercoaster", fricking sucks, I know, I hate it, the up's and downs and all that crap, I hate it as well.

But trust me when I say, that we've all might not have gone through or are currently going through your unique situation, but the emotions, the pain and the hurt and grief are all shared by the people here. Your in good company, never be afraid to ask for something here, because we're in this together and we're her to help!

I'm so sorry! I do understand. I went through the same thing and feelings. I answered the phone at work one day and half way through the conversation started crying. Fortunately it was someone I know and work with often but it was still mortifying.
The thing I hated hearing the most is that it takes time. I was tired of being sad and broken, feeling lost and empty, hurting more than I'd ever hurt in my life. I shook all the time, felt like I was going to throw up for weeks on end, couldn't sleep. Unfortunately the time thing is true and there really isn't anything you can do to speed up the process (believe me, I would have!)
I'd encourage the meds. They can be a good tool to get you over the hump and help you function while you get through this. It takes a few weeks for the trauma to wear off (not sure that's really the right phrase) and it starts getting easier. I'm 2 months in and still struggle but I'm much better than I was.
Right now nothing anyone can do or say will make you feel better. I wish that weren't the case. It's tough and there are times you feel like you can't possibly survive this but you do. Even though you can't see it now, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. It's just hard to know how long that damn tunnel is.
Hugs to you!

Thank you everyone for your support!

My day keeps getting better!

My STBX just showed up to collect more of his things. He's packing the more personal items, and its horrible to watch! I've taken my laptop to the front porch where I can't see him. My friend is on her way over, so I won't be alone with him much longer. HE's being super nice, answering all my questions, but it's so hard to know in a few minutes he's going to leave and go "home" to her. I'm trying so hard to stay strong!!

All you need to do is stay strong until he leaves...then let it go and get it out. One thing that I found was very therapeutic was writing him letters or emails. I never sent them and many of them were quite rambling but I literally just typed or wrote whatever came to my mind.
I'm praying for peace, comfort and strength for you. Hugs!

I don't have anything I can say to make you feel better. I just wanted to show my support and let you know you're not alone. ((((Hugs))))

Ps. Meds are not that bad :D

I needed certified copies of my papers for various reasons. I had to go over there twice because when I went the first time and she asked me for the name I fell all to pieces.

When I changed my drivers license back to my name I cried all the way home. And I'm still crying. It was a huge step back for me.
I cant listen to music. I can't buy jewelry that involves hearts or infinity circles, etc. I can't watch older couples walk around holding hands, etc. I cannot say the "D" word. Have a hard time with "ex", too

It's been hell and it's not over yet. I wonder if it ever will be

It is like a big roller coaster ride. I think i am getting better then bam!
I like to be home alone at night to process my grief, when i am
Working i need to hold it in till later if possible. I dont know if my cheating spouse Feels any grief. I know he feels guilt and shame. He hasnt faced me in over a Month. He has been gone since mid july.

I started wwwdivorcecare.org that helps. It is religious but not to bad.
It is more like a 12 step program, they help you go thru the process
Of pain and hurt in divorce, it is awful experience. I have never been in such Emotional pain. I cry alot and am sad. I attend alanon,divorce care And am going back to my drug and alcohol therapist next week.
Stopped going when i knew i needed to stand on my own 2 feet.

What everyone on here is describing is pretty normal. All I can add that might or might not help, it takes about a year to gain some sort of stability in our lives again. That doesn't mean we are completely over the situation in a year, but we can function, focus and begin to picture a new life at that point - well at least that's how it was for me. And frankly, there is no way to expedite the process. You have to take it day by day till one day you wake up and realize you made it. I kept myself occupied and never lost sight of the fact that my breakup was the best thing for me since the relationship wasn't a good one. Acceptance is key to all this. If we idealize things and pretend like things weren't that bad or live wishing the person comes back, we will stay stuck. Find something that's soothing to your soul - to me hiking and being around nature, saved me :)

Best wishes to all!

WOW! How do we let people do this to ourselves??? :( AUGH!
I cry everywhere. I dropped my yorkie off at the groomer and had make up on from the night before and did NOT even brush my hair. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. Pretty bad when your groomer demands you take one of their anxiety pills. :(

WHEN............please for the love of God.............when does it get better? I'm sorry that you or I or any of us have to go through this pain.