Limbo land is not a fun place to be in, i don't know if you
Will get any real honesty. Many times you get the spin until
they are in a position to make their Move and have all their
ducks in a row, HUGS

Thank you Mirandac.
I left for work yesterday and she gave me a hug and had her rings on.... yet we talked later that morning on text and I was told to not expect a revelation or anything. She wanted this weekend to just "get away". She said that hopefully she will be able to figure out what she wants. But also she still thinks her living in an apartment for a little bit will help us out too....
UGH!!!!
Last year when she did this to me I ended up getting diagnosed with shingles because of stress. Starting to feel some of the same symptoms....hope it's not happening again.

Can you get the shingles vaccine? I would
after your last episode of having it, HUGS

Ya I thought I was in the clear because she made me believe that things were healing and getting better for her. She gets back from a work trip on her birthday to which I give her a card with plane tix for us to a place she always wanted to go for our anniversary in October and then whammmm ......back to square one with her confused feelings....

most often pursuing the one you want back only causes them to distance themselves from you, what you want is for her to pursue you, when you distance from her

What SJS said. you chase, she run. ug.

no chase.

I wouldn't ask her any questions. I'd give her 2 weeks to come at you with some answers. And at the end of that I'd pull the plug. There is no vaccine for shingles. You'll get it every time you end up massively strung out from here on in. My MIL had it.

And if you're gently probing the idea that she might be thinking about shagging this guy she's going away for the weekend with... she's actually shagging him. I mean.. come on. come on. A woman doesn't put herself at a man's mercy (away for a weekend alone) unless she's ready for what happens. If she doesn't want to shag him, she does not go away for that weekend with him. at all.

You got to face up. If the marriage is dead, no point dragging its rotting corpse around with you, propping it up in the window like Norman Bates' bloody mother. And the woman you're married to sounds... full of it really. She's using all the jargon. She's playin all the games... Rip that bandaid off man.

Thank you all!!!
What you said really makes sense.
The thing i struggle with is that i made a vow to her and I want to fight to save this marriage. I treat this girl like the princess that she is. She is a beautiful intelligent woman and the mother of my children that I feel has lost her way. I go through days where I picture her just completely leaving me and enjoying her new life but then right behind that I feel she will wake up and realize that I am a great husband and father. I truly feel that I have never put myself before my wife and kids. All I want to do is to take care of a woman and treat her the way she was meant and dreamed to be.
I always expect the worst and hope for the best. I know that's a shitty way to be but if expecting the worst happens then I'm at the bottom of the barrel already.
Question for you all......do you believe in karma? I ask because I always have. I feel that I have been given a good life but have had some major curveballs/tests in life.
Started when I was 17 when my mom died, a week before college. Then again later in my life had a girl break up with me right after I told myself she was the one. Then my wife and I had a miscarriage between our two kids births. Now this....
I just want to fast forward to the next time I'll be happy again.

You can't fight alone to save a marriage. It only takes one to break a relationship and if she's gone with a guy for the weekend to "figure things out" ..I mean dude seriously?

Oh, you are a dream come true for many woman. I am so sorry that you are being taken advantage of. You are going to have to, go no contact, except when it concerns your children. Distance, please and stay away. You deserve so much better. No one would feel any different if someone was being treated like you. . This woman is using you. She is an O'hara not a Melanie. Only until you do what Rhet Butler finally did at the end of "Gone with the Wind" will she appreciate you. God bless your heart, as we say in the south. I know that she is the mother of your children and someday she may mature to where she needs to be in life. You are catering to her disrespect. You will only be tortured until then., sweety run. Break away before you are tortured beyond repair. Don't lose your sweet, wonderful you. You are what most woman want!!!! Again , God bless your heart!!!

I think you're a bit overboard the way you talk about her being a princess. She's not a fantasy person, she's real blood and bones. Look at her in the bright light of day. She may have amazing qualities but she has some pretty shitty and selfish ones too. We all do.

When you say you've never put yourself before her, and that all you want to do is take care of her - red flag. People who consistently put themselves last get taken advantage of again and again. Like me. Sounds enabling, which is not healthy. Like me. But I've kicked that habit.

Give her a deadline for figuring things out, a hard and fast date. It's unfair for you to be strung along indefinately. Tell her that if she's still uncertain by July 1, you're going to file for divorce. Create boundaries about the relationship, such as no going away for the weekend with some guy. If she feels the need to go away with a guy, she's not invested in bettering the marriage. Good luck.

Thanks again everybody.
It's good to hear this from people I don't know and will give me an unbiased remark.
I need to get that backbone and stay the course.
I could not imagine doing this to ANYONE.

I was in alanon and therapy for two years before
He left. I was no longer a doormat, its not easy.
Keep going to alone therapy for you to get better.
HUGS

I wonder if you idolised her in memory of your mother.

your mother was wonderful wasn't she. And she died when you were 17, at a time when you had not yet come into your adult way of treating women.

Your wife is not your superior and it is not appropriate to put her on a pedestal. You are her equal. She is your peer, not your parent.

I'd say you've made her feel quite alone; it's hard to run a marriage when one party is not active.

And I'd say you yourself have complicated the marriage by being subservient. I did this to mine.

But you must understand: she has had choices. And her choices have to do with her ethics, her sense of honour, her morality. Her interest in you, her willingness to ask you questions and make sure your needs were met in the marriage. So she wasn't your victim. She has had her choices.

And you need to draw the line. :p

You may want to try to let her be when she returns. Let her come to you. I know how difficult that will be for you, but if she "finds herself" on this trip she will let you know. Maybe let her feel your absence for a while, to see exactly what she may be missing. Try to be strong..... it ain't easy.

Thank you all again!!!
I tried taking my ring off for a bit while I was at the gym......whewwww. Tough.
Put it back on as soon as I got back in the truck.
I'm basically telling myself she is going to come home tomorrow and love on the kids, which I'm glad because I want that to happen, and just have that distant look on her face when she looks at me. I had to lie to her mom today when she face timed me. Her mom calls every weekend to see the kids and this weekend she called my phone so....."yup she's on a girls weekend". Left it at that.
Maybe one day she will wake up, just not sure if I will be there or not. Trying with everything I have.