have been in the same situation

Are you sure you love the him that he is today, or are you leaning back on old memories?

Hoping - I love the person he used to be. The first couple years we were together were mostly good. It was the last 2-3 years that were full of disappointment. I didn't even know who he was toward the end of our relationship. He was just going out all the time with his buddies wanting to live the single life. Well, he got what he wanted.

Now he's sorry than ever. He has apologized to me and says it was like a mid-life crisis thing, but so much damage was done during that time. He knew what he was doing at the time and made his choices, now this is the outcome. His problem is that although he is generally a nice guy, he has the mentality of a teenager (i.e. doesn't like to be told what to do, has temper tantrums, doesn't like to do anything that's boring, isn't financially responsible, etc). He was 21 when I met him and he's 36 now. Unfortunately, he hasn't matured very much and I need a man, not a boy. That's one of the reasons why I decided it was better for us to be friends, as hard as it was to leave.

EDIT - Sorry, my message was directed at AurorasHope.

Felifel....sigh...I could have written so much of what you just said. I can relate. A lot. (((hugs to you)))

felifel, I can relate.

Although, my marriage was only 2 years when I decided to get separated. I found another man (who is toxic for me) and all of a sudden about a month ago, I started missing my husband and thinking about his constantly. I can't figure it out either. I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help. Have a good night.

You never stop loving who they were and what they meant to you. I could tell you horror stories about my exes. But then, there's the other side of the coin. Just take the memories out, look at them, smile and remember and put them away, where they belong: in the past. I stupidly tried to go back and rekindle both my marriages when they ended and it's true what they say: you can't go home again.

I still love the man I married. I just realized when he finally left, that he was no longer that man. I absolutely abhor this new guy and I also realized that the new guy had been taking over for quite a few years. It's early in my separation, but I was happy he was gone within the first week or two. I've never had an ex....is it common to feel tender towards the ex after getting over him?

Thank you for your responses! I have realized that it is the emotional bond that we once had that I miss...the partnership that we had. It's only normal that I miss him. He was a big part of my life for 15 years. But then I remember all of the awful things he did to me and think, "who does that??" Truth is things can never really be the same after the trust has been lost. Those scars will always be there. I have to remind myself why I left in the first place.

Cloudshine - I understand where you're coming from. I too have been dating someone for a couple months. The first two months were great, but then I slowly realized that he is not the man for me. My guy friend has a lot of good qualities, but he's just not exactly what I'm looking for long term. So this might be related to why I'm missing my ex more now.

Paramom - This is also my first time having an ex (not counting my teen dating days). It's been kind of a rollercoaster for me. The first few weeks were extremely difficult, then I got over it and I was glad he was gone for several months, now 10 months later it's sinking in that our divorce is final and it hurts, so I'm curious as to what stage is next.