Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Nov 2014: Husband moves out suddenly, moves 1000 miles away
Sep 2015: Officially divorced
Nov 2016: Discovered affair of ex w/married woman that began summer 2014 still ongoing to this day
Nov 2016: Gave proof of affair to husband of married woman
Because I felt sorry for my ex during the divorce because he “wasn’t happy”, I was agreeable to most everything that we decided on. I didn’t contest the divorce, I allowed him to stay in the house when he came back to visit, I didn’t question his logic about moving to a town that was still 4 hours away even though he said he was moving to be closer to our son who lived with me. (I later found out that he moved to the town where his girlfriend lived).
In November, I struggled with the idea of letting the woman’s husband about the affair. I went back to the pros and cons and ultimately, I decided he should be aware of the truth before making any major life decisions. A truth that I was robbed of. I forwarded information and proof about the affair.
I guess the husband finally confronted his wife because last night I got a text from my ex at 2 am saying call me when you can. Having no idea why he was texting me because it had been a few weeks since I had passed on the information and I figured it was dealt with.
I called him and boy, of boy, was he livid. How dare I? How could I do this? He started threatening not to move here in June for my son as promised (pretty pathetic, I know). And I asked him calmly, do you think the husband had a right to know? He didn’t answer at first, and then said yes. But he is so angry about the way I went about it (I sent the email he sent me confessing to the affair). He said I should have told him I was doing that. I shouldn’t have lied. That line was precious, coming from a man who lied to me and his children and his brother and sister for 2 ½ years. I told him I didn’t lie and that my contact with the husband and nothing to do with him. I asked how I lied to him. His logic was non-existent. My ex claimed it was revenge for what he did to me. The narcissist in him coming out full force thinking everything I do is about him. He couldn’t fathom that I was trying to protect another person from going through a divorce based on lies.
He said he is telling our kids (all over 18 years old) today, about what I did and I said fine. I have no problem saying that I let the husband of a cheater and liar know the truth.
To be continued….
I just recently remembered a moment back in the summer. I was joking around about my friend having a girlfriend and everyone got mad at me, his wife, my wife, and him. Little did I know the affair was in full swing then. I hate myself for being so ignorant.
My ex texts me this morning and says he’s decided not to say anything to the kids. I believe he woke up more sober this morning than he was last night and realized that telling the kids still doesn’t make him look good in any way, shape, or form. And it doesn’t make me look bad which is what I think he was really trying to do. The threat about not moving back to PA for a year to live with our 18 yr old son was also taken off the table. He and my son are still planning on getting an apt. I told him his anger is misplaced. I told him he was mad because his girlfriend was lying to both him and her husband. I said he couldn’t be mad at her because that means he chose poorly and he’d been conned. That’s a bitter pill to swallow when he’s lied, cheated and gone into debt for this woman.
AND, the best thing of all… I just went for a 5 mile walk and was happy. Not happy that he is upset, but truly happy because his rhetoric, his anger, his words didn’t effect me. I did not let his actions or words dictate how I was going to feel today. HOW LIBERATING THAT IS!!! May you all feel that sooner than later.
Good for you to be so strong and being in a good place right now. You must feel proud to be at an emotional state that your in now to be able to handle this situation with such grace and to not let it eat at you. Your story confirms for me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will one day be has strong as you. I no longer want my ex to have power over me. HUGS-
STex - thanks for rubbing it in!! 85 and sunny....really? couldn't you share just a little? :)