Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi
Im currently sperating from my wife. We have been together 14 years and married for 6. In a very raw and emotional state at the moment as its all very recent and we are currently starting the untangling process from each others lives. We both stil love each other but a few reasons, one in particular, mean we need to part.
I feel like I am having a constant panic attack and have cried, something I havent done in about 35 plus years (Im 49).
Main reason for us splitting is my 18 year old step daughter. Shes 18 and I have known her since she was 6 and even then she saw me as an interloper between her mum, grandfather and grandmother who had cultivated a very very tight relationship when her dad left my wife and her penniless and alone. We have never been able to really 'click' as probably we both wanted to and the relationship she had with her grandpartents didnt help either, it was hard to break into that little group.
Over recent years we have talked less and less and only when we have to which has been very sad and awkward. Its never been abusive or nasty or anything like that and I have provided financially for her because her real father has never given her a penny, but we seem to have slowly and undeliberatley drifted apart. Its made life difficult and essentially my wife (RIGHTLY) has chosen her over me and I can accept that.
On reflection I probably could have done more and should have done more to rectify it but that could just now be me beating myself up - it wasnt a one way street, especially over recent years..but somehow I could never find a way to break through that barrier.
Whats made it worse is a few years ago her grandmother died and her grandfather moved right across the street, literally opposite and he has been a constant presence in our and her life and our home and has wedged himself in to our little family unit. Its really not helped the situation either, between my step daughter and me or my wife and me, he is very emotianlly needy and my wife has carried the burden of the loss of her mother, supported his grief more than was good for her as well as the two kids at home.
I have apologised for my end of this to my step daughter and she said its ok, even though she has ben pretty clear she hates me. She does seem happy that she has split my wife and I up though which does bother me.
I just wanted to get this off my chest and appreciate its very rambly will take any advice on life, lost love and the emotional side of divorce and relationships (esp with my step daughter and why we both found forging a proper bond so hard) that anyone can give. Its a very strange and weird place I am in at the moment.
Thanks Guys
We had been co-habiting whilst we separate but last night step daughter blew a fuse as me and my wife have been getting on OK despite what we have to do and she actually said that if we got back together shed never talk to her mother again. We haven't given any indication we would although I did ask my wife whether we could get over any obstacles and try again. Seems my particular obstacle isn't going to let it happen. She's not a bad kid but I think she found 'safety' in the relationship she forged with my wife and her grandparents and nothing was ever going to break into that. As for my wife - it has always been difficult to talk about her family. They are incredibly close, too close and she will admit that a lot of people say that. When she was younger she actually ran away, shacked up with some guy on the other side of London, took an overdose and also developed an eating disorder. Given the claustrophobia her parents and now even more intensely her father throw around her I can understand why - she even admitted as much when we talked on Friday.
Like I said it isn't all her fault, it isn't my wifes (I understand why and why she needs to do this) it isn't mine but that doesn't make it hurt any less
When there are childRen involved it is very hard to deal with. I was totally in love with this man. He choose her over me but then tried to kill himself. So really confused.
You and your other half can cohabitate doesn't mean that you will get back together. But you can still have a good relationship. Good point NO sex...will only make things much worse for both of you.
I know that's not on your mind but could pop up sometime.
I feel you both need to step back she has to deal with her grief and help her father. Maybe a widows group...I know people here go to these groups for support and they feel help.
Have not lost a father or mother but work in healthcare. So I see lots of grief and sadness. It may help him and her deal with the loss. Maybe take the step daughter to a group for teens. Loss is a terrible thing and anyone who has been through it goes through th stages at different rates.
Feel like I am babbling sorry.
Be encouraged and take care of your emotional health.